Monday, July 31, 2006

Israeli strikes resume after brief lull

In the Bible it says "And on the seventh day, He rested. Monday He started bombing shit again though."

Israeli warplanes carried out airstrikes in southern Lebanon on Monday, hours after agreeing to temporarily halt raids while investigating a bombing that killed nearly 60 Lebanese civilians, mostly women and children seeking shelter.

If there is one thing I've learned through all this it's that Israel, as a collective state, has a horrible memory. They say they agree to a ceasefire and then, about an hour later, they're bombing again. It's like dealing with a five year old who just won't stop going in the cookie jar.

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert agreed to a 48-hour halt in the airstrikes beginning at 2 a.m. Monday while the military concludes its inquiry into the attack on the south Lebanese village of Qana.

Well then there's the problem right there. Olmert can't count.

But Israel left open the option it might hit targets to stop imminent attacks or if the military completed its inquiry within 48 hours.

Israelis military completes its inquiries very, very quickly.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Sunday Sign of Hope 7/30/06

Six hundred Taliban killed in bloodiest month

The Taliban's "Spring Offensive" has not gone as planned apparently. With what's going on with Israel and Lebanon, let's not forget the soldiers fighting on other fronts, and doing some damage it seems.

From Mail and Guardian Online:

More than 600 suspected Taliban fighters have been killed over the past month, the bloodiest period in southern Afghanistan since their regime was overthrown five years ago, United States officials said on Tuesday.

The Taliban fighters were the targets of Operation Mountain Thrust, an American-led offensive designed to flush out as many Taliban militants as possible before Nato takes over responsibility for stabilising the country's hostile southern provinces at the end of this month.

The number of Taliban dead was given by Colonel Tom Collins, a spokesperson for the US-led multinational coalition. It is also estimated that more than 1 700 people have been killed since the start of the year. They include civilians, aid workers, Afghan forces and more than 70 foreign troops.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Fox 5's Jodi Applegate Blows Her Cool

This was classic.

'GOOD Day New York" anchor Jodi Applegate had an on-air meltdown yesterday when a pair of Internet pranksters simulated an unexpected power-tool mishap on the live show.

The guys faked a serious power tool mishap involving a power saw, some ketchup and a man clutching his throat, all on Live TV. Instead of having a good sense of humor, Applegate goes nutty and apologizes to the children and people of America and pleas with them not to get upset and tells the pranksters that "We were trying to do a serious thing here, and this is not funny." She also told the jokesters that "children are watching."

So here's what's been killing me about this. If children are watching the news, shouldn't there be an apology after every single fucking segment? Like when a man attacks strangers on a subway with a power saw or a man kills and eats his girlfriend or dresses like a fireman in order to rape unsuspecting women. These are the things of nightmares.

Hate to break this to you Applegate but there are no children watching. They're watching cartoons, or playing outside or a video game, that's why children are so innocent-minded and to them, the world is perfect. Cause they don't watch your bullshit yet.

Watch the video here.

Mel Gibson apologizes for DUI arrest

Well then, I guess I'm sorry for the possession of a controlled substance charge I was hit with five years ago too.

Mel Gibson issued a lengthy statement Saturday apologizing for his drunk driving arrest and saying he has battled alcoholism throughout his life.

I don't care.

Gibson also apologized for what he said were "despicable" statements he made to the deputies who arrested him early Friday morning on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu.

You said something bad about Jewish people didn't you.

"Fucking Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Gibson then asked the deputy, "Are you a Jew?"

Whoa. Usually you ask that question BEFORE the racist rant. Well shit, anyone who saw Passion of the Christ could have told you Mel Gibson hates Jewsih people. Hey ladies, the famously beloved and handsome Mel Gibson is a racist drunk. Makes me look a little better now doesn't it?

The report says Gibson told the deputy, "You mother fucker. I'm going to fuck you."

I know a lot of women, and some gay men, who would pay money to hear Gibson yell that at him.

Gibson repeatedly said, "My life is fucked."

Am I supposed to feel bad for him? Shit, I wish I had his problems. I've battled alcoholism since I was six...without the hundreds of millions of dollars. I love when celebrities fucking self-destruct. Surprise! They're human.

Friday, July 28, 2006

Denmark is happiest place in the world, report says


If you're looking for happiness, move to Denmark.

I don't need to go to Denmark to be happy. I just need some illegal narcotics, a hooker, and enough alcohol to kill a large forest mammal. So there.

It's the happiest country in the world while Burundi in Africa is the most unhappy, according to a new report by a British scientist released on Friday.

Shit...and I just bought that condo in Burundi.

Following behind Denmark came Switzerland, Austria, Iceland and the Bahamas.

All neutral areas. Hmm...this means something.

The United States came in at 23rd, Britain was in 41st place, Germany 35th and France 62nd.

Haha! We beat the Europe powerhouses! Well, Britain at least. No one's happy in France with all the french people there. And I don't think anyone's forgiven Germany for those two little World Wars yet. But if you look at some of the previous posts I said I wanted to move to Iceland. I should have listened to myself.

Scientist: Inject Sulfur into Air to Battle Global Warming

Look, I'd rather slowly cook like a roast in an oven than have to smell fucking sulfur everywhere I went for the rest of my life.

One way to curb global warming is to purposely shoot sulfur into the atmosphere, a scientists suggested today.

Yeah, or we can put shotguns in our mouths and paint the ceilings with the back of our heads. It'll be fun.

The burning of fossil fuels releases carbon dioxide, a greenhouse gas, into the atmosphere. It also releases sulfur that cools the planet by reflecting solar radiation away from Earth.

It's so crazy it just might work. Probably won't. I'll get the noseplugs.

Al Qaeda bigwig's war cries

Oh yeah, al-qaeda, I forgot all about them.

Al Qaeda's No. 2 man, Ayman al-Zawahiri, injected himself in the Israel-Lebanon crisis yesterday, calling on Muslims to unite by attacking infidels "from Spain to Iraq."

Just throw Spain in there I guess. Hey, remember when there was that train bombing in Spain and it caused an uproar and Spain pulled their troops out of Iraq in order to maintain a truce of sorts with Islamic terrorists. Yeah, didn't work I guess.

"We cannot remain silent and cringe while watching these missiles pouring fire on our brothers in Gaza and Lebanon," he said in a slickly produced, seven-minute videotape broadcast on the Arabic network Al-Jazeera.

Got the "can't remain silent" shit right. Do you really think you guys are still relevant at this point? I'm just saying, I would LOVE it if Bush would suddenly remember that the whole war on terror thing was first implemented in order to catch you and Binny (maybe that's why we haven't caught you, cause then there'd be a reason to stop bombing Muslim people) but if you really look into the matter, you guys didn't put up much of a fight.
You're going to have to face it Ayman, we've moved on to bigger and better things. We just don't feel the same way about you that we used to. We used to hang on every word you said, thinking about it night after night, wondering if there were secret messages hidden in your videos. Now, it's all become so routine. Maybe you should move on too. I think we should see other Islamic fundamentalists.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Sun kills 60,000 a year, WHO says

Arrest the bastard!

As many as 60,000 people a year die from too much sun, mostly from malignant skin cancer, the World Health Organization reported on Wednesday.

I always knew the sun was our enemy. Sitting there in the sky looking down on us waiting for its chance to pounce. Oh well, I guess we're going to have to take this one on the chin and chalk the sun up as one of those necessary evils. Actually, I'd say it's safe to say that the sun is the ultimate necessary evil.

It found that 48,000 deaths every year are caused by malignant melanomas, and 12,000 by other kinds of skin cancer. About 90 percent of such cancers are caused by ultraviolet light from the sun.

Great, the center of our universe is a serial killer.

No News Yesterday

You may have noticed, may not have, that yesterday Wednesday the 26th of July, was newsless. Now this may have led some of you to believe that nothing happened anywhere in the world the entire day. Now this is not true. While the world still spun and news got even more depressing in every region, I didn't get out of bed cause I was sick. So sick in fact that the mere thought of walking to the computer desk to write the news would have required sixteen different medications, a forklift and perhaps some hot soup, none of which I had at my disposal.

So, I apologize to those of you whom tune in daily for Damnit! Earth and may have been curious as to which group may have killed me. I'm not dead, just feel like I'm closer than ever before. But alas, it's only a cold because, I'm not lucky enough to leave this place...yet.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Jockey Apologizes for Head-Butting Horse

I'm surprised he was tall enough to reach the horse's head.

Jockey Paul O'Neill apologized Tuesday for head-butting his horse at a race last weekend.

We're not the ones you should be apologizing to Paul. I think you owe someone else an apology.

"I would just like to say to the public that I'm very sorry they had to see such a thing," O'Neill said in a statement. "I've never done it before and it will never happen again."

Let's get something straight here. Horse's have very hard skulls. Humans, not so much. The real loser here is Paul.

City Affair was being unruly in the parade ring, ultimately throwing O'Neill. The jockey got to his feet and grabbed the reins, pulling the horse to him, before lowering the butt of his helmet into it.

Big temper for a little man. Don't hurt the horse asshole. Why don't you carry someone around in mid-summer and see how happy you get you little shit.

California heat wave may trigger blackouts

Yeah well, at least you're not going to have to drink sewage.

With demand for power on Tuesday expected to exceed Monday's record, the California grid operator said it might have to trigger rolling blackouts, making it essential for customers to conserve electricity as a killer heat wave blankets the region.

Yup, no sewage drinking necessary here.

After dodging a bullet on Monday, the California Independent System Operator (ISO) came close to the breaking point but met the peak demand because customers conserved energy and the system remained intact.

However, the bullet should strike right between the eyes today. Yes, so it's hot out. It's summer. It happens. That's okay though. Go for a swim. Drink some water. Create yourself a breeze. But don't drink sewage.

Drought-stricken Australia considers drinking recycled sewage

Now this is how you know you have a fucking emergency situation.

Residents of a drought-stricken Australian town will vote this week on whether they're prepared to drink water recycled from sewage -- the first such scheme in the country and one of only a handful in the world.

I'm going to vote no. I know I'm an American and I have no say in what you do over there in Boomerang-land but trust me, you don't want to be known to the world as the poo-drinkers. Most of us already think you're fucking crazy as it is. Come to think about it, it wouldn't shock me if someone told me that you guys already drink your sewage. I mean, you ever seen Steve Irwin?

The controversial proposal has divided the town of Toowoomba in the state of Queensland, which has faced water restrictions for a decade.

MOVE! If my town had to put forth a proposal to drink sewage because for the last decade fucking water's been hard to come by I'd be living in another town, one close to a lake.

Local Mayor Dianne Thorley, who is leading the "Yes" campaign, said that without drought-breaking rains the town's dams could dry up within two years.

Hey poo-lady. You're a wingbat. Or wombat. Or one of those other funny words you Australians make up. Like Walaby or Kangaroo. Everything sounds fun in Australia. Except drinking sewage.

She insisted the 73 million dollar (US 55 million dollar) plan to pump purified wastewater back into the main reservoir for drinking was safe.

If I'm going to drink my own shit and piss it better be fucking free.

"Somewhere, sometime we have got to stand up and change the way we are doing things," she said as the town prepared for the July 29 referendum.

I agree. Change is good. Most the time. But change should start small. Like stand up and demand bottled water. You don't exactly live in a third world country. I don't see late-night infomericals asking me to adopt Australian children for thirteen cents a month. There's no reason you people should be drinking sewage.

"Otherwise our great grandchildren are going to be living in something like the Sahara desert."

Or living in Sydney or Melbourne or somewhere else that has plumbing.

A vocal "No" campaign opposes the proposal, and says there are unforeseeable health risks for the town's 100,000 residents.

Yeah, there's the health risks sure but so many other wonderful reasons you shouldn't drink sewage.
Oh boy...there's no hope.

US warns Pakistan on nuclear weapons

Don't you start this shit too.

The United States has urged Pakistan not to expand its nuclear weapons programme, after a think tank claimed Islamabad was building a nuclear reactor able to fuel up to 50 atomic bombs a year.

So this is fun, trying to guess which country will be responsible for the end of civilization as we know it. My money's riding on Ireland. (No one suspects them)

Pakistan's foreign ministry said it opposed a regional nuclear weapons arms race, but declined to deny a report by the Washington-based Institute for Science and International Security that claimed Islamabad was expanding its atomic arms capabilities.


The report's release comes amid lingering US concern over Pakistan's nuclear programme.

Lingering concern? So we have a concern that just won't go away about Pakistan, home now of al-qaeda, the Taliban and, oh I don't know, maybe about a hundred fucking different groups of terrorists that never got over that excitement as children of blowing things up getting their hands on nuclear weapons. Yea, that's a little concern of mine too.

The institute said satellite pictures of Pakistan's Khushab atomic site, about 105 miles south-west of the capital, Islamabad, indicated what appeared to be construction of a reactor capable of producing enough plutonium for between 40 and 50 nuclear weapons a year.

Either that or it's a smudge on the lense.
What does a country need with 50 nuclear weapons a year? We've got more than anyone and we've only used two of 'em EVER. And they're not cheap. My advice? Build two or three and if you use them, then you make a few more.

Israel will allow aid into Lebanon

That's so kind of you to let them live. Well, some of them at least.

Israel will allow the opening of safe passages in Lebanon for the transport of humanitarian aid to all areas of the country, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert told Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on Tuesday.

Wait, no brownie points for you. That's what you should be doing. You shouldn't bomb people and then not allow them to get aid for their troubles. That's called being a bastard. Thanks for not being a total bastard Israel. Sure, pounding the shit out of Lebanon isn't really a NICE thing to do, but hey, they did kidnap two soldiers. That calls for the complete destruction of the entire country.

A team of Israeli military officials will meet with international military experts to outline the pathways, Olmert told Rice, according to his office.

Why not just catapult the humanitarian aid in? That way maybe you can kill some more people in the process.
I don't disagree with Israel's actions against Hezbollah, it's just in my experience Israel has the tendency to go a wee-bit overboard in their reactions. Like when a Palestinian woman stabs an Israeli on the border and the Israelis fire missiles into nine or ten moving vehicles on the road killing all occupants and numerous bystanders. Or a Palestinian suicide bomber blows up a falafel stand and Israel bulldozes peoples homes and blows up a few buildings. It happened.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Blair hopes for Mideast peace plan

Any day now, someone is going to have an idea that will seem, at first, like a really, really good idea. However, after a few weeks of trying to impliment the idea into action, the world will slowly begin to realize that the plan, after all this time, was stupid.

Britain hopes a peace plan for Lebanon can emerge within days that could lead to a cease-fire, but only after details are worked out for an international force, Prime Minister Tony Blair said on Monday.

Aren't peace plans usually the jobs of Prime Ministers'? I mean, I hope he isn't waiting for Bob the fucking Baker down the road to strike mental gold.

Blair has been under political pressure at home for joining U.S. President George W. Bush as the only top Western leaders not to publicly call for an immediate cease-fire.

Yeah, but he's a happy little monkey.

Blair said that did not mean he was indifferent to the deaths of civilians.

But it does, really, it kind of does. Unfortunately sometimes the deaths of civilians is unavoidable, especially when an enemy hides behind the civilians because they know the outrage it will cause the other sides' society when they hear their own country is killing women and children. (civilian men are acceptable loses because of the penis)
Though, I'm surprised at the England masses, I mean, come on guys, you've gone to war with every fucking country or empire EVER.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sunday Sign of Hope 7/23/06

Gun-toting women take on militants

Everyone has their limits.

From The Hindu:

Women in this terrain of the Pir Panjal mountains have found a way to combat militancy — they have taken to the gun. Giving a different dimension to anti-militancy operations women are increasingly enlisting themselves in Village Defence Committees (VDCs) and getting trained in the use of weapons.

This is also being seen as a revolt against the societal curbs imposed by religious extremists and militants in the last few years.

And, each household has a tale to tell as to why they have resorted to this.

Gulzar Bi's son went missing five years ago. Thirteen-year-old Mohammed Yasin was recruited by a militant commander. Her pleas to get him back went in vain. "Tell me what is the alternative before me. I have lost my son but I would never allow them to harm the rest of my family," she says.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

US set to reveal plans for solution to Middle East crisis

Getting plans for peace from America is like getting financial advice from someone who just ate out of a garbage can.

US SECRETARY of State Condoleezza Rice is set to lay out US plans for a diplomatic solution to the Israeli-Hezbollah fighting within the next few days.

The anticipation to hear whatever completely useless plan they've concocted is killing me. So's the wait for a safer, terror-free society.

Ms Rice plans a trip to the Middle East, which may start tomorrow, and will carry the US strategy for ending the 10-day-old warfare and establishing stability in southern Lebanon, the Bush administration said.

So, expect peace by Monday. Or complete armageddon.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Saddam Hussein Writes to Americans, Urging Iraqi Pullout

Defense lawyers for Saddam Hussein released a letter on Thursday that he recently wrote in prison that attempts to persuade the American people to demand a troop pullout because President Bush misled them into the Iraq war.

Dear American People,

Hi. My name is Saddam. I am 69 years old. My birthday is in April. I was once the President of Iraq but now I'm not anymore. They found me in my hole and put me in jail and now I have to go to court. I get to scream a lot there so it's nice.

I'm writing you a letter because I want you all to stop your president. He is bad. He lied. I should not be in jail. Sure I murdered people but who doesn't? Surely you Americans can appreciate violence. Just pretend I am the governer of California. Thank you. Praise Allah
Love, Saddam

The 5,000-word letter is a rambling treatise outlining what Mr. Hussein asserts are the false reasons that the Bush administration used to justify the war in Iraq, from weapons of mass destruction to Iraqi links with Al Qaeda. Mr. Hussein blames Iran and pro-Israel interests for helping lead the Americans into war. He invokes the specter of Vietnam and the spirit of Mao Zedong, saying the Chinese revolutionary is “laughing in his grave because his prediction has been fulfilled and America is a paper tiger.”

Yeah, that'll get us to pay attention. Keep insulting our country. You know, the world thinks most Americans hate our own country. That's true. But we hate it less than everywhere else. And you'll never make us believe that our country is a "paper tiger", especially after what we did to yours.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Hizbollah leader ‘trapped’

We all feel a little trapped sometimes. Sure, I don't have missiles raining down on me with the sole intent of my destruction but hey...I'm stuck at a job I hate. I'd prefer the missiles.

Sheikh Hassan Nasrallah, Hizbollah's leader, is trapped in an underground command bunker at Dahiya, a southern suburb of Beirut, and was the target of heavy bombing last night, Israeli intelligence sources claimed yesterday.

I told you. Should have given them their soldiers back.

A military source said dozens of aircraft took part in the operation sometime before midnight, dropping 23 tonnes of explosives on the bunker.

O-V-E-R-K-I-L-L, what's that spell? Israel.

The radical cleric "has not seen the light of day for a week", as Israeli F16 jets cratered roads and bombed bridges to isolate him and members of his ruling council in the area controlled by his terrorist militiamen.

Who needs the light of day when you can be guided by the explosions of hatred? Poectic I think.
And it's so thoughtful of the Hizbollah leaders to literally dig their own graves and wait in them for Israeli to kill them so that they can save everyone the trouble of having to bury whatever survives the blasts.

Feeding homeless outlawed in Las Vegas

You can gamble every cent you and your family have away on games of chance, pay for any kind of sex your little heart desires, quell the ever-lasting American gluttony for tons of different urges but fuck if we're going allow you to lend a helping hand to another human being. There's just some things you don't do.

If someone looks like he could use a meal, be warned: Giving him a sandwich in a Las Vegas park could land you in jail.

What you in for?

The Las Vegas City Council passed an ordinance Wednesday that bans providing food or meals to the indigent for free or a nominal fee in parks.'s legal to charge them a fortune?

The measure is an attempt to stop so-called "mobile soup kitchens" from operating in parks, where residents say they attract the homeless and render the city facilities unusable by families.

Yeah, cause that's what's wrong with the world. You know what this world needs? A new dominant species.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Americans Criticize Lebanon Evacuations

Oh shut the fuck up. You're embarassing me.

Dozens of Americans waved from the top decks of the Orient Queen as the luxury ship blew its horn and pulled out of Beirut's port. U.S. Ambassador Jeffrey Feltman waved back from the dock below.

How fucking arrogant, waving goodbye to people still stuck in a warzone.
Yelling out, "Don't worry, we'll be okay" to people who are going to have to dodge incoming Israeli missiles every ten minutes for the next few weeks should earn you a brick to the side of the face.

Of an estimated 25,000 Americans in Lebanon, 8,000 are expected to seek evacuation.

Wow, so, this means the majority of Americans really are stupid.

Americans wiped away tears, hugged relatives and grumbled about evacuation delays Wednesday before boarding a luxury ship that was to carry them from war-torn Lebanon.

Only Americans would complain about rescue efforts. It's things like this that give us normal Americans bad names. You don't criticize rescue efforts, you remain grateful they came and got your stupid ass out of the middle-east. Shut up and say thank you, thank you for sending a ship to come and get me before I was impaled by a rocket.
And a luxury ship at that. Shit, you could load me into a cannon and fire me over the ocean into a pool of cow shit and I'd be all smiles and hugs if it meant I now longer had to worry about incoming explosive projectiles coming through the hotel window cause some Israeli soldier thinks I look like someone in Hizbollah. It's times like this I like to pretend I'm Canadian.

"I can't believe the Americans," Danni Atiyeh, a 39-year-old civil engineer from Kansas City, Mo., said as he stood with his pregnant wife and sons Ali, 10, and Adrian, 6, while waiting for buses that were taking them to the ship. "Everybody else has gone home ... We're still here."

Listen, if I decided to go to an unstable part of the world, and don't argue with me, that whole fucking region is unstable, you are putting yourself at risk. Americans get kidnapped, beheaded, beaten, shot, stabbed, raped and tortured in Amercia, and here it's nothing personal. Imagine what happens when you go to a country that don't like you. Hence, this is why I put my vacation to the Gaza Strip on hold, asshole.
Point is, shut up with the complaints and be thankful you're part of a nation that is willing to come get you and bring you home. When you're starving, don't tell me the food I give you is cold.

Man Accused of Blinding Wife With Carrot

Only a wife can bring a man to such fury as to attack with a vegetable.

A 46-year-old Conn man is accused of assaulting his wife with a carrot, causing her to lose sight in one eye. Roderick Vecsey is charged with second-degree assault and disorderly conduct.

I need to know what made this guy go for the carrot. I've been mad before. I've thrown things. I never took the time to go into the fridge to find "nature's dagger".

Pamela Vecsey, 46, underwent six hours of surgery after being hit in the left eye with the vegetable Saturday night, but doctors were not able to restore her vision, prosecutor Stephanie Damiani said.

Maybe she was complaining about the carats of her diamond ring and her husband was trying to abuse her poetically. Other than that I have no idea why one attacks his wife with vegies. Time for a divorce Mrs. Vecsey.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Officials failed to pass on tsunami warning

There's something I'm forgetting to tell'll come to me.

Officials in the Indonesian capital, Jakarta, failed to issue a tsunami warning despite receiving data about yesterday's earthquake 20 minutes before the first wave struck the island of Java.

What can you possibly do in fifteen minutes? No offence everybody, but if I had previous knowledge of a natural disaster with only twenty minutes to impact, I'd be way too busy packing my shit to even warn my parents, let alone an entire island.

One official told the Guardian they were too busy monitoring the aftershocks of the 7.7-magnitude quake that triggered the tsunami to raise the alarm.

So it was quite surprising to all the scientists when Georgie the Janitor mumbled, "Now when the big wave come right?"

The government's science and technology minister, Kusmayanto Kadiman, confirmed today that Indonesia had received bulletins from the Pacific Tsunami Warning Centre in Hawaii and Japan's meteorological agency after the quake, but "we did not announce them".

And you sir deserve that job. That's the first fucking honest comment I've heard from the mouth of a public figure, if the science and technology minister can be considered a public figure.
So, you guys decided to not warn anyone because? What possible reason could you have?

"If it [the tsunami] did not occur, what would have happened?" he said in Jakarta.

Less death. More dryness. Just a guess.

The death toll rose to 341 today as rescuers combed the devastated coastal communities. "I don't mind losing any of my property, but please God, return my son," a villager, Basril, said as he and his wife searched through rubble at the once idyllic Pangandaran resort.

Live with that "what if", you assholes.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Bush caught swearing at G8 summit

Oh, I'm going to tell his mommy. Grow the fuck up. Yes, we have a redneck for a President. Wish he'd try to hide it a bit more but it's not like he was caught jerking off on a horse or punching a black woman in the face. He said a bad word. How many kids watch the G8 summit? Please, there's so much other shit we can degrade Bush about let's try one of the BIG ones.

Not realising his remarks were being picked up by a microphone, US President George Bush told Tony Blair today that Syria should press Hezbollah “to stop doing this sh*t".

Well...they should. Since when did certain words become forbidden? Are we all fucking adults here? The whole middle-east region is a fuck-pot of bullshit. The curse words just emphasize the emotional state I'm in when I think about that shit-hole of hopelessness.

Bush’s remarks were picked up by closed-circuit television at the G8 summit in St Petersburg, Russia, as the leaders were being filmed sitting down to eat.

Well it's not like he could lose anymore respect from the rest of the world.

“See, the irony is what they really need to do is to get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this sh*t and it’s over,” Bush told Blair as he chewed on a buttered roll before the Group of Eight leaders began their lunch.

Blair responded, "You got that fucking right."

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Sunday Sign of Hope 7/16/06

Newark Mayor Chases Robbery Suspect

Finally an elected official shows some damn initiative.

From WNBC:

Newark, New Jersey Mayor Cory Booker tossed off his jacket and gave chase when he saw a police officer with gun drawn chasing a robbery suspect on Thursday.

The mayor's security detail tackled Altarig Rahman. Rahman was charged with aggravated assault and strong-armed robbery.

Police said Rahman had robbed the mother of the city's fire director at a bank across from City Hall. The woman was depositing money for the Essex County courts parking lot, where she is a supervising attendant.

Alex Garcia, a restaurant manager who was in the bank, was the first to pursue the suspect.

The suspect managed to escape Garcia's clutches and the grip of a police officer.

Booker's bodyguards ended the chase.

Booker told The Star-Ledger of Newark he yelled "not in my city" at the scissors-wielding suspect.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Firefighters Battle Huge California Fires

I've noticed something lately about the western half of the United States. It's extremely flammable.
Nearly 4,000 firefighters worked in blistering heat Saturday to corral a huge complex of fires in rugged wilderness and keep them from threatening desert and mountain communities. does a fire spread in the desert?

"This is a very dangerous situation," Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said after flying over the blazes.

Little known fact about Schwarzenegger, he can fly. He's also very intelligent. It only took him a few days to figure out that raging natural fires are dangerous.

"The weather conditions are such - wind and a lot of heat - it is a perfect condition for wildfires."

Brillance. Thank heavens he's on top of things.

World divided over Mideast conflict

Surprise, surprise. The only thing the world isn't divided on is...well...shit I can't think of anything. Maybe we all agree oxygen is good?

World leaders have acknowledged that the conflict between Israel and Lebanon risks destabilising the region, but have so far appeared divided over how to defuse the crisis.

Yeah cause it was so fucking stable the other day.

As the leaders of the United States, Russia, Britain, Canada, France, Germany, Italy and Japan gathered in Saint Petersburg on Saturday ahead of the G8 summit talks, they all stressed the gravity of the situation.

"This is bad."
"No it's not."
"But it's not good."
"It's not bad."

But while George Bush, the US president, put the blame on Lebanon's Hezbollah for rocket attacks on Israel and the capture of Israeli soldiers, his Russian counterpart Vladimir Putin, called on Israel to show restraint.

Can't everyone just agree that the entire region is out of control?

Lebanese Premier wants truce, Israel attacks for 4th day

Just when things are looking bleak...nothing changes.
Lebanese Prime Minister Fuad Seniora called Saturday for an immediate ceasefire as Israel continued to pound its northern neighbour.

Someone's not listening.

Hezbollah guerrillas kept up a concerted missile barrage at the Jewish state, with their rockets landing ever further south.

Okay, nobody's listening.

In a televised address to the nation, Seniora called for 'a complete and immediate ceasefire under the supervision of the United Nations' to end what he called Israel's 'collective punishment' of the Lebanese people.

It's hard to only punish a particular terrorist group when they blend into the civilian background. On one side of the arguement you can state that Israel is "attacking without prejudice" but one can also blame Hezbollah for allowing attacks on civilians through their actions. So who do we blame? Let's blame albinos. They've skated by freely long enough.

More than 80 Lebanese have been killed and scores more wounded in the Israeli attacks, which began Wednesday, shortly after Hezbollah abducted two Israeli soldiers and killed eight others in a cross- border raid.

So what are the chances of ending this through a game of Texas Hold'em? What do you say?

UN votes for N Korean sanctions

I bet the world feels so much safer now.
The UN Security Council has unanimously voted to impose sanctions on North Korea following recent missile tests.

This is the world's equivalent of a slap on the bottom.

The resolution demands UN members bar exports and imports of missile-related materials to North Korea and that it halt its ballistic missile programme.

And if North Korea doesn't listen it will be sent to its room without super. Of course, Russia and China, feeling that we were too hard on lil' N.K. will sneak some cookies up there late at night and comfort them so they know they're still loved and that the world isn't angry, just disappointed.

North Korea has said it "totally rejects" the resolution.

And that, my friends, is how you complete a full circle, waste time and money, and end up back exactly where you started.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Woman Trapped, Critically Injured In Car Wash

How does one get injured in a car wash? Have you forgotten the car? Or did you leave the windows open? Jeez people, more of this and helmets become mandatory.

A woman in Marion County, Fla., was critically injured when she was pulled into and trapped in a brush at a car wash, according to Local 6 News.

However, her teeth have never looked whiter.

Police said a woman working at Soapy's Car Wash in Ocala, Fla., Thursday somehow became trapped in the machine used to wash vehicles. The woman apparently became entangled in a hose that pulled her into a spinning brush called a Gyro, according to a report.
On the brighter side, she's shiny.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The moment lightning shared the sky with a rainbow

No, it's not a new, gay Broadway show. It's not a new self-help book on shelves helping people get in touch with shit they should ignore in the first place. It's the coolest thing I've seen since my friend got his head stuck inbetween the banister. Stupid bastard.

When a rainbow formed in the sky people stopped and stared at the natural wonder.

And they were quickly struck down by "God's stun-gun".
But then lightning sparked across the evening panorama as two of nature's most spectacular phenomenon created an unusual alliance.

As unusual as, say, the US and France agreeing on pretty much anything.
The clash of weather was seen above the affluent city of Fort Smith, in the Southern state Arkansas.

Here's some pictures. Pretty pictures. Calming and relaxing. Not much of that nowadays.

Israeli forces blockade Lebanon

It's Six-Day War II.

Israel imposed a full naval blockade on Lebanon and put Beirut International Airport out of commission Thursday as the crisis in the Middle East escalated rapidly following the capture of two Israeli soldiers and the killing of eight others by the Shiite militant group Hezbollah on Wednesday.

This should get out of hand fast. It'll be like a global game of dominos. Speaking of dominos, I want pizza.

China, Russia Submit Draft on N.Korean Missile Crisis

Look at all the spelling mistakes.

China and Russia are taking a hard line on Iran, but a soft line on North Korea. Their mixed messages will send the wrong signal to Pyongyang.

Hard line of Iran? Since fucking when?

China and Russia on Wednesday circulated at the U.N. Security Council a draft resolution that expresses "serious concern" over the July 5 multiple missile launches by North Korea.

Yeah, countries launching missiles into the sea next to other countries is usually cause for at least some concern.

But the China-Russia resolution has many problems in comparison with a draft resolution proposed jointly by eight countries including Japan and the United States.The eight countries' resolution obliges North Korea and the other member states of the United Nations to prevent the proliferation of missiles, but the China-Russia text only calls upon all the members of the world body to do so.

Whatever. I really feel bad for Japan in all of this. First the US nukes them, then Mothra, now North Korea. Will they ever live in peace?

350 detained over Bombay train bombings

Have you ever noticed the interesting way middle eastern and southern Asia countries go about finding the purpertrators of terrorist attacks? First, they blame every single group of people they don't like. Then, they arrest everyone then see. Then, through a process of elimination, usually involving sharp objects and fire, they narrow down their suspects until, like a lottery, they find the ones they decide are guilty.

Indian authorities named two suspects Thursday in this week's train bombings, an apparent breakthrough in the frenetic investigations into the well-coordinated attacks that killed at least 200 people.
Could you imagine a coordinated terrorist attack involving 350 people? Shit, I can't even get a good 3 on 3 on the basketball court without one of my other two teamates fucking something up.

The government's Anti-Terror Squad released photos of young, lightly bearded men identified as Sayyad Zabiuddin and Zulfeqar Fayyaz, said Sunil Mane, an anti-terror official.

So none of the 350 are the 2 you're looking for? That's a really bad ratio guys.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Israel Enters Lebanon

It was only a matter of time before the Israelis went off. Here we go.

Israeli soldiers reportedly entered Lebanon to rescue soldiers who were kidnapped by Hezbollah forces.

Maybe kidnapping Israeli soldiers is a fad that shouldn't catch on. They really, really don't seem to like that.

The Israeli army radio announced that Israeli land troops crossed the Israel-Lebanon border.

Swallow your pride and give the soldiers back or you're going to wind up swallowing something the ceiling of the building you're hiding in.
Israeli soldiers have been continuing the rescue operation, and they were receiving support from the air force, reporters said.

Throwing rocks isn't going to stop this one. Sooner or later, I think we all knew this was going to happen. I say let them fight it out until the entire area is unihabitable and then, 100 years from now, we can all try again.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

China’s Army Yawns at Pyongyang’s Missiles

Yeah well, they're not aimed at you assholes.

After initially expressing “concern” over North Korea’s July 4th missile launches, China’s unwillingness to work towards serious sanctions on North Korea provides further proof that Beijing has little interest in restraining Pyongyang.

I'm so surprised I just peed myself. But then again, I pee myself every once in awhile anyways. It's easy to dismiss North Korea's when they have no consquence to you. The rest of the world is more than a little concerned. I'm not buying anymore egg rolls until China starts playing nice with the rest of us.

Terror Tuesday in Mumbai! At least 163 killed

What a catchy headline for a horrible story.

At least 163 people were killed and over 430 injured in a series of eight terror blasts in first class compartments of suburban trains around 6 pm during the peak hour traffic here today. The blasts occurred between 6 pm and 6.30 pm at Mahim, Bandra, Matunga, Borivili, Mira Road, Jogeshwari and Khar.

Something tells me that since it was the first class riders that were targeted that the investigation will be just a little more thorough. I'd also like to note that I still have no idea what country this happened in. Now I have to do research. Let's see, Mumbai is in...India. Aha, it used to be known as Bombay. See now I would have known where it was if they hadn't changed the name. When did they change Bombay to Mumbai? Was Bombay to hard to remember or is it because Bombay has the word bomb in it and that would cause this story to exceed the irony limit?

Police suspect that it is a pre-planned subversive plot similar to the explosions that had rocked Mumbai in 1993 and 2002 and 2003.

Well if not it's a hell of a coincidence.

At Matunga station, the blast was so powerful that it not only ripped through the first class coach but also blew off a portion of the platform shed. Bodies were scattered on the tracks while many injured, were attended to by fellow travellers on the platform before being rushed to nearby hospitals..

I smell Islam. And fertilizer.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Chechen rebel leader Shamil Basayev killed

A bit of good news on a Monday.

Russia's security chief said Monday that Shamil Basayev, Russia's most wanted terrorist for a string of attacks that claimed hundreds of lives, had been killed in southern Russian.

This was the guy who was responsible for the Beslan school massacre in which over a hundred children were killed. About time he stopped breathing the same air as the rest of us.
Security services reported earlier in the day that a group of militants had been killed preparing for a terrorist attack when their explosive-laden truck blew up. And it later transpired that Basayev had been traveling in an accompanying car.

Got to watch the speedbumps when you're carrying explosives. I guess Allah didn't like this asshole either.

A local police source said, "Basayev's body was found by FSB officers after a car wired with explosives blew up. The convoy included three cars with militants, one of which was Basayev."

This is surely a sign of the level of intelligence Islamic militants are in possession of. You'd think you'd trail the bomb car at a safe distance but noooo, not Abdullah Shamil al-Moron.

"The terrorist was decapitated by the explosion, but from characteristic traits, it was suggested that the body was none other than Shamil Basayev," sources said.

Ah, nothing as poetic as justice. I'm smiling.

Building collapses in Manhattan

Forget London Bridge, uptown is falling down my fair laddy.

A three-storey building on Manhattan's Upper East Side has collapsed after what witnesses said was a huge blast.

Terrorists? Nope. Just some unhappy bastard taking the easy way out...and being over-dramatic at it as well.

Authorities said they were investigating the possibility that the blast was caused by a suicide attempt.

If you're going to kill yourself, do it quietly. No need to destroy an entire building to end your insignificance. Why does your being unhappy and unwilling to live have to disrupt the traffic flow?
Fire officials were seen trying to dig someone out of the rubble of the building, which is said to house a doctor's surgery and a beauty salon.

Oh man, if this guy tried to kill himself by blowing up an entire building with him inside and he still managed to fuck it up and live through it he should be put on public display and pelted with baseballs. Why? Cause that sounds like fun damnit.

Smoke rose high above the building, located between Park and Madison Avenues, local media reported.

Yeah, that happens after buildings explode.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Sunday Sign of Hope 7/09/06

Explosion of joy in Rome as Italy win World Cup

Why? Cause I'm Italian that's why. And, this is a reminder of what national pride truly is. And finally something exploded without it being either a political statement or involving a Muslim.


Rome erupted in a damburst of joy, firecrackers, flags and tearful embraces as Italians celebrated their country's World Cup triumph after a nail-biting penalty shoot-out against France.

In scenes echoed up and down the country, delirious supporters flocked into Piazza Venezia in the centre of the Italian capital to vent their delight and relief, scenes echoed in piazzas across Italy from Milan in the north to Messina in Sicily.

People splashed around in the Trevi Fountain waving Italian flags, as ecstasy took hold of young and old, natives and tourists alike.

In nearby Bibo's Bar across the road from Prime Minister Romano Prodi's party headquarters, delirium broke out after Italy's full-back Fabio Grosso buried the decisive penalty.

"It's been a match of intense suffering but we've won it now, and everything's great," shouted waiter Carlo Dilizio, 47, above the din as fireworks rent the moonlit sky.

"I bought an Italian flag in 1982 (the last time Italy won the World Cup) and I took it out of the drawer the other day to show my son. And I said, let's write 2006 on it, and hope," said Carlo, tears of joy filling his eyes.

An Italian TV commentator declared that watching the tense match had caused great suffering: "soffertissimo!"

Italy's 87-year-old President Giorgio Napolitano attended the final in Berlin with French President Jacques Chirac, and said Chirac had been the first to congratulate him.

But it wasn't a moment to crow: "At certain times, one has to be a little elegant," he told Italian TV.

Prodi, like millions of other Italians, preferred to suffer at home. "We won by the width of a post," said the prime minister with a smile, referring to French player David Trezeguet's missed penalty.

At the ancient Circus Maximus, the park where Romans once held chariot races, more than 150,000 people who watched the game on giant screens erupted into a cacophany of noisy revelry.

"I don't believe it. It's a fairytale, it's just great to win after suffering so much. It's magnifico!" bayed 29-year-old Chiara.

"It's the most beautiful emotion of my whole life, we're the world champions," shouted Giovanni, 23.

It was time to toss away Italy's traditional inferiority complex, and banish bitter memories of losing to the 1994 final to Brazil in a penalty shoot-out.

But for some, as the match ground on to extra-time and then to the dreaded penalties, the tension was almost too much to bear as old insecurities came flooding back.

"If Zidane scores another goal I'm jumping in the river, I swear," said Francesco Pignolo, 30, watching with friends at an open-air bar on the banks of the Tiber.

The final triumph was almost operatic. And like all good opera, there was tragedy as Zinedine Zidane, arguably the month-long competition's finest performer, lost his temper and was sent off for a vicious head-butt on Italy's Marco Materrazi.

"Red, red, red," shouted the crowd in Bibo's as the referee reached for his card.

But the sending off left a bitter taste with Italians, as Zidane has been idolised in Italy after his years as a player with Juventus of Turin.

"France have played a great World Cup but there's a badness there that's come out at the end. I loved Zidane as a player and a man, but now I take it all back. He's a 'bastardo' for what he's done," said Carlo the waiter, a self-confessed "Juventino" or Juventus supporter.

The wonderful delirium with which Romans embraced victory, and each other, after the game was a stark contrast to the eerie quiet which becalmed the capital's normally chaotic streets during the match.

Tourists suddenly found themselves blissfully alone for a couple of hours as the Eternal City became a hushed open air museum.

"It's been really amazing not having any cars or anything," said Sophie Alidina, of Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire in England, strolling the quiet streets with her mother, Jenny, who said the calm was "an unexpected bonus".

Friday, July 07, 2006

Break Tomorrow

Sorry folks, no news tomorrow. I will be out of town for a day or so with no access to a computer.

Let me, however, take this moment to say a few things.

Firstly, hufflebumper.

Secondly, I would like to thank the many visitors I get everyday to the blog. Even though most of you seem very shy to leave comments, I appreciate the e-mails and the kind reviews that a lot of you have posted on your own blogs or websites. It's nice to know that there are some humans out there that look on our world with the same, sarcastic and hopeless eyes that I do. I find comfort in that.

C, Lately I've been getting an awful lot of return visitors from Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Palestine and Israel. I know you guys get the brunt of my mockery. You deserve it. Hopefully you can look on the material with a comical eye but if not, oh well, like I said, you deserve it.

See you all later.

Lightning Strikes Teenager Listening To iPod

Well if he was dancing the way they do on the commerical he had it fucking coming.

A teenager who was hit by lightning over the weekend talked about his close brush with death Thursday.

"It was yeah. My brain hurts."

Jason Bunch was mowing the lawn and listening to his iPod at his home in Castle Rock, Colorado in the 3200 block of Cherry Plum Way on Sunday when he was struck.

Thanks for his address by the way. Jason, listen to me very carefully. This is your chance to get out of doing chores for the rest of your young life. Everytime your parents ask you to do something just say "Gee, I hope I don't get struck by lighning this time." You're golden man.

"I woke up and blood was coming out my ears," Bunch, a Douglas County High School senior, said.

Well, what was playing on your IPod cause Mandy Moore's music has been known to do that to me. Oh and thanks for telling us where he goes to school too.

"From where the iPod was, it damaged my hearing and it ruptured my eardrums. Where the cord was, it burned me all down my body," said Bunch. "We need to shave my head because my hair is like dreadlocks. It's all sticking together."

Cause it's scared.

It was just two weeks ago that doctors in London warned of the dangers of listening to an iPod or using a cell phone during a thunderstorm.

Yeah, well, if I believed everything the British said I would have watched the World Cup.

Passengers subdue man on Delta flight to Florida

Next time maybe he'll pay attention to the seatbelt sign.

A man who tried to force his way into the cockpit of a Tampa-bound Delta Air Lines jet was undergoing mental evaluation on Friday, Tampa International Airport officials said.

At this point, people who try to get into the cockpit of an airplane should be flushed out of the plane at 30,000 feet through the toilet. We don't need people like that being all free to roam around. Mental evaluation my ass. I can tell you exaclty what the results are going to be and I'm not paying any student loans for Med school.

Passengers said the man ran up the aisle toward the cockpit door just before the flight from New York's LaGuardia Airport was about to land in Tampa on Thursday night.

At least he had the decency to wait until the plane was landing, sparing the other passengers hours of fear.

Passengers in the first-class section of the plane tackled and subdued the man, who was turned over to police after the McDonnell Douglas MD-88 landed. Airport spokesman Lewis Miller told a local television station that the man was unarmed and that his intentions were unclear.

Believe me when I say this world. Americans will not be tolerating any bullshit on our airplanes any more. We will beat a retarded man to death for running in the isles, cause we have, so if you're even considering stepping out of line on a plane be prepared for the beating of a lifetime. The chances of anyone ever getting a hold of another one of our airliners are damn near impossible. Everyone knows the worst case scenario is smashing into a building or historical landmark and most Americans would rather go down fighting than allow that.
Haha...I said cockpit.

Gaza invasion lacks exit strategy

Sounds familiar...where have I heard that before?

According to the Israeli defense establishment, the primary purpose of Operation Summer Rain is to free Corporal Gilad Shalit, captured by Palestinian militants on June 25.

Fair enough. They have a right to attempt to free a captive soldier.

But so far as anyone, including Israeli intelligence, knows, the 19-year-old tank gunner is being held in the south of the strip, far from the present bloody incursion. And the killing of at least 27 Palestinians since Corporal Shalit's capture, reportedly including six civilians, is unlikely to increase his captors' wish to free him alive and with nothing in return, as Israel demands.

Oh, they're going in the wrong way. Silly Jews.

The second rationale for the attack is to prevent Palestinian militants from firing homemade rockets into Israel, as some groups have done ever since Israel withdrew its troops and settlers from Gaza in September last year.

It's plausible to want to stop people from firing rockets into your country. I can understand that. If my neighbor was shooting rockets at my house every couple of days I'd invade his living room as well.

Yet a previous Israeli invasion of the northern rocket-launching zone in 2004 - Operation Days of Repentance - killed more than 120 Palestinians, including scores of civilians, but failed to prevent the rocket fire even when operations were still under way.

Like we all don't know what's happening. Come on people, it's okay, I'll say it. The Israelis want to kill Palestinians. Why? I don't know, but probably because the Palestinians want to kill Israelis. There comes a point during the conflict when who started it, what it's a struggle for, what both sides hope to accomplish becomes quite irrelevant and the goal becomes simply putting as many of the other side as you can into the ground. It's bloodlust, on both sides. That's why I cut the middle east part out on all my maps. Cause in my world, that area was lost long ago.

Terror plot to blow up Holland Tunnel foiled

Getting through the Holland Tunnel is terror enough without you blowing it up.

A plot to blow up explosives inside the Holland Tunnel and trigger a flood in Lower Manhattan's Financial District has been unearthed by the FBI.

Isn't the Financial District above the water-level? Wouldn't that make it difficult to flood? Plus, I know the subway and utility lines are below the water level but I'm pretty sure they are not connected to the Tunnel. I could be wrong but this plot has some large, large holes. But hey, no one said you had to go to school to be a terrorist. Al-Qaeda's like Burger King, you don't need an educational background and you're more than likely to burn yourself.

They used the Internet to discuss their goal -- maiming the U.S. economy -- counterterrorism officials said.

Fucking internet. Kill the internet!

The conspiracy to blow a hole in the tunnel wall, sending a devastating flood into city streets, is being taken seriously because those involved may have received technical expertise and funding from contacts of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in Jordan, a counterterrorism source told the Daily News.

That makes no sense whatsoever. Just because these morons had known people who may have been linked to Abu Musab al-Zarqawi doesn't make them terrorist masterminds or any more serious than some teenage convert who wants to show his parents how sorry they'd be about ignoring him by traveling to the middle east and causing "infidels" the inconvenience of having to clean the humvees windows by prematurely blowing himself up in front of a army convoy.
I know a guy who knows Bill Gates. Ask me to fix your computer and chances are I'll blow the computer room off the side of your home.

Officials believe the plotters would have filled vehicles with large amounts of explosives -- in effect, creating mobile bombs -- to blow up the tunnel.

Yea yea yea. Mobile bombs, big boom, more terror. Isn't there elections coming up?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Subway Rider Sliced in Power Saw Attack

Leave it to New Yorkers to find new and interesting ways to go completely ape-shit.

A man grabbed two cordless power saws off a subway station workbench and went on a rampage Thursday, swinging the saws at riders and slicing open a man's chest before running away, police said.

And I get all pissy about my commute to work. At least no one attacks me with power tools...most the time.

The 64-year-old victim, whose name was not released, was hospitalized in critical but stable condition. Police were searching for the suspect, described by witnesses as a thin man in his 30s, who had earrings in both ears and was possibly carrying a teddy bear.

Oh great, they can't find him. Try Home Depot or Sears.

Wielding a saw in each hand, the man took a swipe at one rider on a platform and missed, police said. Moments later, he cut into the man's chest at a turnstile before bolting out of the station, still carrying the power tools, which were later found in a trash can.

Another day in the Big Apple and another man hunt. Same ol' same ol'.

North Korea calls missile tests a 'successful' act of self-defense

Self-defense against an enemy that has been ignored for far too long. An enemy that has repeatedly attacked each and every country over the course of mankinds existence. An enemy who deserves to have missiles shot at it. That enemy is apparently the ocean and I for one invite North Korea to fire as many missiles into it as they feel necessary.

North Korea has confirmed that it launched missiles earlier in the week, vowing to carry out more weapons tests and threatening to use force if the international community intervenes.

See, now you're just trying to mask your embarassment. Sad. It's kind of like watching the tough bully at school wet himself.

In its first official statement since the launch of seven missiles early on Wednesday morning, North Korea called its tests "successful" exercises in self defence.

If that was successful, I'm left to ponder what would be a failure in your eyes.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

North Korea test fires a series of missiles

One wonders if they did this on the 4th of July just to fuck up our festivities or make some sort of point.

North Korea test-fired a series of missiles, including the intercontinental Taepodong-2, around dawn (local time) on Wednesday. The exercise was not entirely successful.

Not entirely successful huh? Maybe the point they were trying to make clouded their minds enough that they forgot to consider the possibility that they couldn't actually make the point they were so hopeful of making. Suckers.

The timing coincided with the Independence Day celebrations in the United States. And, Washington, which was the first to "detect" the multiple launches, indicated that the long-range missile, with a suspected reach up to the U.S. west coast across the Pacific Ocean, had failed.

Oh well. Shooting duds off over there are we? Maybe they were just trying to add to our Independence Day celebrations and were all out of bottle rockets.

None of the missiles made it as far as Japan, all crashing into the Sea of Japan separating the island from the Korean Peninsula, officials said.

So what, has North Korea declared war on the ocean? I'm confused.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Happy 4th of July

To all Americans, enjoy the celebrations today. And remember, don't hold on to the fireworks, throw them or you'll be spending your holiday having your fingers re-attached. Trust me, it happens. We don't call my four-fingered friend Tony "dipshit" for no reason.

Monday, July 03, 2006


Does this mean we can't be friends?

Britons have never had such a low opinion of the leadership of the United States, a YouGov poll shows.

What about after the American Revolution? I bet we weren't popular with the British after that one either.

As Americans prepare to celebrate the 230th anniversary of their independence tomorrow, the poll found that only 12 per cent of Britons trust them to act wisely on the global stage.

I understand. I don't trust us either.

Somali foreign minister dismisses bin Laden tape

Sorry binny, your time in the sun has passed, and not only because you're living in a cave.

Somalia's foreign minister on Sunday reiterated the need for a foreign peacekeeping force in the country, dismissing a recording from al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden warning against such a deployment.

Bin Laden needs a reminder that he doesn't run the planet. So does other people but we won't get into that now.

"It is the people of Somalia who decide what they want. If they have never accepted a colonial subjugation or domination, they cannot accept the dictate of anyone at all," said Abdullahi Sheikh Ismail.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Sunday Sign of Hope 7/2/06

Secret burial for terror leader al-Zarqawi

No mourners, no family, just the cold ground.

From Ireland Online:

Terror leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi has been buried in an undisclosed location, the US military and Iraqi government officials said today.

Iraqi National Security Adviser Mouwafak al-Rubaie said al-Zarqawi had been buried in a ”secret location” in Baghdad.

The US military confirmed the burial but declined to give more details.

“The remains of Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi were turned over to the appropriate government of Iraq officials and buried in accordance with Muslim customs and traditions,” the military said.

“Anything further than that would be addressed by the Iraqi government.”

Al-Rubaie would not say when the terror leader, who was killed on June 7 in a US air strike northeast of Baghdad, was buried or give more specifics on the location of the grave.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Israel warns: free soldier or PM dies

Sounds serious. Let's move on.

Corzine Shut Downs New Jersey's Government

My streets are lawless! I'll be back in a few...

New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine has closed the state government over a standoff with fellow Democrats.

Funny, I didn't notice any difference.

Lawmakers object to his plan to raise the sales tax. The state's constitutional deadline to adopt a new balanced budget has passed without agreement.

Raise sales tax? Fuck you.

State beaches and parks and possibly some casinos may close in the coming days. Beaches are expected to stay open through the July Fourth holiday. All horse racing in the state is expected to conclude at 6 p-m.

How does one close a beach? You can't close a beach. Who the fuck do you people think you are? I could give a shit about horse racing and casinos but beaches? One of these things is not like the other.

Salmonella tests continue at Cadbury factory

The Easter Bunny gave me Salmonella.

Tests are continuing for the salmonella strain that led to Cadbury recalling one million of its chocolate bars.

They say sweets are bad for you. Well, here you go.

About 30 products are still being tested in a continuing investigation after contamination was detected from a leaking pipe at one of the company’s main factories.

I saw Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. That is NOT a sterile environment.

The discovery led to the company pulling seven of its most popular brands off shop shelves on Friday last week.

Guess we'll all have to settle for Hershey's. DAMN!

Women vote in Kuwait parliamentary elections for first time

Alright, husbands in Kuwait are well on thier way to being bitched at everytime they stay out late.
" You told me you were going to Ahmed's to build a suicide belt but I called and Ahmed's fourth wife said you weren't there. WHERE WERE YOU MAHMOUD!!"

Kuwait's first parliamentary elections in which women could vote were a victory for political reformists but a disappointment for female candidates, none of whom won a seat, according to official results Friday.

In all seriousness, welcome to the twenty-first century Kuwait. You'll find it quite interesting.

Thirty-six of those who won seats in the 50-seat house were reformists, according to results of Thursday's vote published by the state-owned Kuwait News Agency. Twenty-one of them held seats in the previous parliament that the emir, Kuwait's ruler, dissolved last month.

Change is a good thing. Unless it's bad.