Actor playing Brutus stabs himself

You missed.

Julius Caesar lay dead and Brutus was talking to his co-conspirators about swords and blood when he paused and excused himself, saying "I seem to have stabbed myself."

"Oh golly gee, I seem to have gone and impaled my abdomen on this prop. Pardon."

Aspen actor/director Kent Hudson Reed accidently cut his leg open with the knife he was using in an outdoor performance of "Scenes from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar" on Wednesday.

Don't they use fake props in those things?

He tried to carry on, "but my boot was filling up with blood and I was flubbing my lines, wondering if I was going to pass out, wondering if the audience could see the blood."

"Ceasar is dead and I...I...I need first aid."

Portia (Susan Mauntel) took Brutus to a hospital for stitches and play narrator Tyson Young announced the performance was canceled.

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to a technical problem involving a knife, a leg and a brain miscommunication, tonights performance will be held at First Baptist Memorial Hospital. Please form a line."

Reed said actors normally don't use real knives, but the scene was set up so none of the performers were close enough to hurt each other.

Humans find a way, oh yes, they find a way.

Dangerous Iraq chemicals found stored at U.N. in NY

Well I guess we didn't need to invade Iraq to find WMD's. We had them already.

United Nations officials found vials of dangerous chemicals, which had been removed from Iraq a decade ago, in a U.N. building in New York, but U.N. officials said on Thursday there was no danger.

Isn't there a more safe place to store these chemicals than a broom closet at the U.N.?

The FBI was called in to help remove the substances.

So who put them there? Is this a case of some lazy diposal guy just hiding things under a carpet to save himelf some time?

The Iraqi weapons inspectors came across the material as they were closing their offices, which are housed in a building near the U.N. headquarters in Manhattan, said Ewen Buchanan, a spokesman for the inspectors.

The more and more I do this blog the more and more I realize that the world has put itself into the hands of fucking morons.

Anti-U.S. cleric suspends his militia in Iraq

You can only get your ass kicked for so long.

Anti-American Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr has ordered a suspension of his Mehdi Army militia for up to six months for restructuring, a senior aide said Wednesday.

Now we get to see just how much control al-Sadr actually has over his militia. Call me skeptical but I have a feeling that some of those lunatics are just a tad bit too bloodthirsty to stop their extra-curricular activities.

The move follows battles in Karbala and other cities between the Mehdi Army and Badr Organization, the armed wing of the Supreme Islamic Council of Iraq -- hostilities that left more than 50 people dead and scores injured.

The more I think about it the more I think that this "civil war" in Iraq is needed. If you really think about it, almost all nations true freedom had a revolution of some sort. Perhaps the Iraq invasion was simply a kick start to that process.

Idaho senator fined for lewd behavior at Minneapolis airport

Good thing we have these top officials leading us by example.

U.S. Sen. Larry Craig, an Idaho Republican, pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in Minnesota this month after being arrested by a plainclothes police officer investigating complaints of lewd conduct in a men's restroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

So Mr. Senator...what we're you doing in that bathroom?

Craig denied the police account of what occurred and said he erred in pleading guilty.

You know I find most people who plead guilty are usually guilty. But then again, with our justice system, you're probably better off just saying you did it and saving yourself the five weeks of court appearances only to be found guilty by some soccer mom who thinks you look like the teenager who gave her the finger in the supermarket parking lot two years ago.

"At the time of this incident, I complained to the police that they were misconstruing my actions," he said in a statement Monday afternoon. "I was not involved in any inappropriate conduct.

"I wasn't pulling on it. I was just vigorously wiping some dirt off."

Craig was arrested at the airport on June 11, according to Roll Call, a Capitol Hill newspaper. According to police reports, Craig kept watching the undercover police officer through a crack in the bathroom stall, Roll Call reported. Craig then entered the next-door stall and placed his luggage against the opening under the stall door.

Pervert.

"My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall," said the officer, Sgt. Dave Karsnia.

"At least that's what I do."

France's Sarkozy raises prospect of Iran airstrikes

Wow, France is getting pissed off? I never thought I'd see that.

In his first major foreign policy speech, French president Nicolas Sarkozysays diplomatic push by world's powers to rein in Tehran's nuclear program is only alternative to 'Iranian bomb or bombing of Iran'.

Tough talk by the French. Sweet.

In his first major foreign policy speech, Sarkozy emphasized his existing foreign policy priorities, such as opposing Turkish membership of the European Union and pushing for a new Mediterranean Union that he hopes will include Ankara.

I wonder what a war involving the French would look like? Seriously, I'm interested. I wonder if they're like fucking completely barbaric on the battlefield and that's why they try to keep out of these conflicts. Kind of like the Hulk. You don't want to get the French angry, you won't like them when they're angry.

Sunday Sign of Stupidity August 26th 2007

Every once in awhile I like to throw a little curve on the Sunday Sign of Hope, usually only when there's something out there that really, really catches my attention. I had a good reaction to the videos I postd earlier this week. So without further delay, I bring to you faithful Damnit! Earth readers, the very first Sunday Sign of Stupidity. Enjoy Miss Teen South Carolina in all her glory.

Afghan troops were ready to save hostages

It was one of those, we were going to do it, then we started arguing who was going to drive and then Bobby couldn't find his car keys, I got a phone call and before you knew it we were watching The Simpsons and eating Doritos.

Afghan special forces called off a plan to rescue 23 Korean hostages soon after they were kidnapped by Taliban insurgents five weeks ago because the South Korean government intervened, the defense minister said on Saturday.

"No, no, don't save 'em. Let's let this drag on as long as possible."

The insurgents have killed two Korean hostages and have released two. Nineteen Koreans, 16 of them women, are still being held by the Taliban and talks to free them have stalled.

Honestly, I bet your first reaction would be "Why did the South Korean government stop a rescue attempt?" Well, we're talking about Afghan troops here who's "performance" level would put them just below being able to change a tire without killing some innocent people. So, you know, you're probably better off letting the Taliban have them and crossing your fingers.

Campers Tie Alleged Peeping Tom to Tree

The tree is suing for sexual harassment.

A group of campers tied a peeping Tom suspect to a tree, keeping him bound until police arrived.

Should have just left him there. I just don't understand why people go through the trouble of stalking through bushes, waiting outside bedroom windows in the middle of the night or setting up cameras in their shoes when we all have the internet.

Richard H. Berkey, 63, was charged with private indecency, a misdemeanor, by sheriff's deputies who were called to the Big Fan Campground near Bagby Hot Springs last weekend, according to Clackamas County Detective Jim Strovink.

A peeping tom named Dick. Oh the irony.

Campers told deputies they recognized Berkey from a similar incident at the campground last year and wanted to make sure he didn't get away.

They would have shot him but it's not Peeping Tom season.

Mexican Senate sides with mom deported from USA

You'd really think Mexico would be more concerned with the fact that their people are willing to risk their lives to get the fuck out of their country. I guess it's a good thing that the Mexican Senate has no sway here in the US. Or do they?

A Mexican Senate committee passed a measure Wednesday urging President Felipe Calderon to send a diplomatic note to the United States protesting the deportation of an illegal migrant who took refuge in a Chicago church for a year.

I really, really don't get this shit anymore. Let's put this in terms I know that the US people can understand. Let's say you're illegally stealing cable television, you know, one of those magical black boxes that hooks you into the pay stations for free. Ok, so, you're enjoying your free cable when one day the cable company stops by and says, "hey, you can't get illegal cable." and they shut it off. Now, you have broken the rules. You were illegally stealing cable. YOU HAVE NO LEG TO STAND ON TO FUCKING COMPLAIN! So what do you do? You steal cable again, and you get caught again. Now, you would have to be a fucking MORON to complain about it again. Why? CAUSE YOU'RE BREAKING THE LAW! All these illegal aliens from Mexico are saying is, "I want to leave in the US, but I'll be damned if I'm going to do it the legal way. I want to do it the easy way." Now I have to ask, are these the people you want in the country? I can't just go run into Canada and live there. I can't fly to Italy and buy a home and say, "I'm staying." You're in the country illegally. It's illegal. It's against the US laws. You have no right to complain. Jeez people. Give me your tired, your poor, your hundled mass yearning to be free doesn't mean run across the desert and hang out at home depot. I'm not saying don't try to be an illegal alien, I'm just saying shut the fuck up when you get caught. You're in the wrong.

The committee also approved a scholarship to help her 8-year-old U.S.-born son, Saul, who is an American citizen and stayed in the United States.

We should build a moat. We need a moat.

Elvira Arellano, 32, became an activist and a national symbol for illegal immigrant parents by defying her deportation order and speaking out from her sanctuary in the Adalberto United Methodist Church. She announced last week that she was leaving to try to lobby U.S. lawmakers for immigration reform.

ILLEGAL. ILLEGAL. Oh my fucking God. I'm leaving. Are we sending anyone to Mars? Can I hitch a fucking ride.

Taliban chief says Bin Laden alive

Sounds like the Taliban have the same problem as some of the US citizens have about Elvis. "No, bin Laden's alive, a friend of mine's second cousin's wife's brother saw him in a cafe."

A top Taliban commander said Al-Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden is alive and well, according to US-based analysts monitoring extremist publications.

And why shouldn't we take a terrorist regime's word for it?

"All praise be to Allah, he is extremely healthy and active," the commander Mansour Dadullah said in a video interview, according to a transcript of the video's English subtitled translation, released Tuesday by the analyst IntelCenter.

"He moves around in his cave all day."

Dadullah, whose brother Mullah Dadullah was also a top commander in the Afghanistan-based militants and was killed this year, said he had been contacted by Bin Laden, the man blamed for the September 11, 2001 attacks on the United States.

"He wrote me a letter that asked if I liked him. There were two boxes, one marked yes and the other marked no."

You Sure You Know What You're Doing Ahmed?

This may be upsetting to some. So don't watch if you're upset by things like people dying. For those of you still here I present the definition of irony. Allahu Akbar means God is Great for those of you not fluent in Arabic. Guess God was taking a break on this one.

Taliban Loses A Fight

I don't usually post videos, but somehow the Brits seem to make war just sound fucking cool. Remind me not to fuck with the Brits anytime soon.
Don't Play This At Work...loudly.

Russia flexes military muscles at its largest post-Soviet air show

Oh look, you have planes, congrats.

Russia opened its largest air show in post-Soviet history on Tuesday, showing off its growing military footprint and global assertiveness while seeking lucrative deals as it seeks to boost sagging aircraft development and production.

Reaching for those old glory days aren't you? Look, the Soviet Union fell, I know it hurts, but it's time to move on. Get your shit together, strengthen yourself back up and then we can talk about a new Cold War ok?

President Vladimir Putin, who last week announced that his country’s long-range bombers had resumed patrols over the word’s oceans, stressed Russia’s prominence in production of military aircraft but said it must be more competitive in creating passenger planes.

The world is a week away from a mass armwrestling match.

CIA report finds new 9/11 failings

I kind of knew that there were 9/11 failings after the twin towers crumbled to the ground. I'm honeslty not all that concerned on who or why the failing happened. I'm at the point now where I don't want those failures repeated.

The CIA never developed an overall strategy for confronting Al Qaeda and let precious expertise and resources go unused in the years leading up to the Sept. 11 attacks, according to an internal investigation that the agency fought to keep secret for the last two years.

The US Central Intelligence Agency doesn't seem all that intelligent anymore does it. Perhaps they should change it to Central Incompetence Agency, that way they can keep the CIA part.

The newly declassified report adds disturbing details to an already extensive public record of Sept. 11-related failures, and makes the case that former CIA Director George J. Tenet and other top officials deserved to face further scrutiny within the agency to determine whether they should be reprimanded for their roles in an array of breakdowns.

How about just a few swift kicks to the nuts and we call it fair. Seriously though guys, just don't let it happen again or I'll be one of the first to illegally cross the Mexican/American border the OTHER way.

Egypt discovers what may be oldest human footprint

It was found between the world's oldest television set and the oldest remote control.

Egyptian archaeologists have found what they said could be the oldest human footprint in history in the country's western desert, the Arab country's antiquities' chief said on Monday.

It's kind of funny how the oldest relics are found in the region of the planet that has not really aged with the rest of us.

This could go back about two million years," said Zahi Hawass, the secretary general of the Egyptian Supreme Council of Antiquities. "It could be the most important discovery in Egypt," he told Reuters.

Good to know that even back then, two million years ago, people still accidentally stepped in mud.

Archaeologists found the footprint, imprinted on mud and then hardened into rock, while exploring a prehistoric site in Siwa, a desert oasis.

Well, I guess I'll go outside and go find some mud and step around in it with my fake dragon feet. It'll take awhile but it'll be funny in about a million years.

Sunday Sign of Hope August 17th 2007

Scientists hail ‘frozen smoke’ as material that will change world

From TimesOnline:

A MIRACLE material for the 21st century could protect your home against bomb blasts, mop up oil spillages and even help man to fly to Mars.

Aerogel, one of the world’s lightest solids, can withstand a direct blast of 1kg of dynamite and protect against heat from a blowtorch at more than 1,300C.

Scientists are working to discover new applications for the substance, ranging from the next generation of tennis rackets to super-insulated space suits for a manned mission to Mars.

It is expected to rank alongside wonder products from previous generations such as Bakelite in the 1930s, carbon fibre in the 1980s and silicone in the 1990s. Mercouri Kanatzidis, a chemistry professor at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, said: “It is an amazing material. It has the lowest density of any product known to man, yet at the same time it can do so much. I can see aerogel being used for everything from filtering polluted water to insulating against extreme temperatures and even for jewellery.”

Aerogel is nicknamed “frozen smoke” and is made by extracting water from a silica gel, then replacing it with gas such as carbon dioxide. The result is a substance that is capable of insulating against extreme temperatures and of absorbing pollutants such as crude oil.

It was invented by an American chemist for a bet in 1931, but early versions were so brittle and costly that it was largely consigned to laboratories. It was not until a decade ago that Nasa started taking an interest in the substance and putting it to a more practical use.

In 1999 the space agency fitted its Stardust space probe with a mitt packed full of aerogel to catch the dust from a comet’s tail. It returned with a rich collection of samples last year.

In 2002 Aspen Aerogel, a company created by Nasa, produced a stronger and more flexible version of the gel. It is now being used to develop an insulated lining in space suits for the first manned mission to Mars, scheduled for 2018.

Passengers escape as hijacking in Turkey goes awry

Awry? That almost sounds like it went bad. If people escaped unharmed it actually went well.

Two men tried to hijack a Turkish passenger plane with 142 people aboard Saturday but failed after pilots arranged an emergency landing in the Mediterranean resort of Antalya and the two lost control of the passengers.

Sometimes people just aren't in the mood to be hijacked.

The plane was on its way to Istanbul from Nicosia, in northern Cyprus, when the hijackers, identified by Turkish officials as Mehmet Resat Ozlu, a Turkish national, and Abdulaziz Maliki, a Syrian holding a Palestinian passport, demanded that it be diverted to Iran. They said they were protesting actions by the United States, the officials said.

Yeah, that'll show the US. Hijack a Turkish plane with probably no Americans on it and divert it to Iran. How exactly is that a protest against the US? That's like boycotting Chinese products to teach New Zealand a lesson.

The two men, shouting in Arabic, ran to the cockpit door and tried unsuccessfully to kick it open. One held a plastic bag and said it contained a bomb, passengers told NTV, the private television network.

Unless I actually see a bomb, I'm tackling the shit out of someone.

The pilots convinced the hijackers that the plane needed to refuel and landed in Antalya. Then they kicked open the cockpit windows and fled the plane.

"Good luck everybody!"

The hijackers decided to free the women and children on board, but as people began filing out of the plane through two side doors, passengers forced open a door at the back of the plane and, in a sudden flood, most of the remaining hostages escaped.

Kind of tough to negotiate with tray tables being your only leverage.

Historic Hell Storm Set For Jamaica

Sounds bad.

Hurricane Dean strengthened into a Category 4 storm and tore through the eastern Caribbean, ripping the roofs from a hospital and homes, and flooding buildings with rain and seawater. A 62-year-old man drowned -- the storm's first death.

Well...good thing I don't live in Jamaica.

With maximum sustained winds of at least 145 mph, the first hurricane of the Atlantic season was expected to gain power over the warm waters of the Caribbean, hit Jamaica on Sunday and climb to Category 4 status before clipping Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula. It was projected to steer into the Gulf of Mexico by Wednesday, threatening the U.S.-Mexico border area.

So at least the illegal Mexican immigrants won't have to make that long run across the desert to the US border. With any luck they'll land somewhere in the Northeastern US.

Pentagon Paid $998,798 to Ship Two 19-Cent Washers

Fedex rates have sure gone up.

A small South Carolina parts supplier collected about $20.5 million over six years from the Pentagon for fraudulent shipping costs, including $998,798 for sending two 19-cent washers to an Army base in Texas, U.S. officials said.
The company also billed and was paid $455,009 to ship three machine screws costing $1.31 each to Marines in Habbaniyah, Iraq, and $293,451 to ship an 89-cent split washer to Patrick Air Force Base in Cape Canaveral, Florida, Pentagon records show.

Good to know the Pentagon is on top of things. Sure, they'll find Bin Laden and his deputies and they'll protect us from any attack on home soil. How the fuck can you believe that when they're getting ripped off on shipping charges?

The owners of C&D Distributors in Lexington, South Carolina -- twin sisters -- exploited a flaw in an automated Defense Department purchasing system: bills for shipping to combat areas or U.S. bases that were labeled ``priority'' were usually paid automatically, said Cynthia Stroot, a Pentagon investigator.

Oh good, so nobody reads the papers that come through over there huh?

C&D and two of its officials were barred in December from receiving federal contracts. Today, a federal judge in Columbia, South Carolina, accepted the guilty plea of the company and one sister, Charlene Corley, to one count of conspiracy to commit wire fraud and one count of conspiracy to launder money, Assistant U.S. Attorney Kevin McDonald said.

How about a charge of ripping off the American people. After all, it's our taxes that pay for the Pentagon's budget. And we're at war. Good to see that the American companies still care about the country they make their fortune in.

Six men killed with bullet through the head in Germany

Nice shot.

Six Italians were murdered in the industrial heart of Germany last night in an unprecedented Mafia hit.

Oh, I guess The Sopranos isn't over.

The men, from Calabria in southern Italy, were aged between 16 and 38. They were gunned down outside an Italian restaurant in the city of Duisburg, western Germany, after celebrating one of the group’s 18th birthday.

Nothing like celebrating another year of life like having someone end it. I'm an Italian-American and unlike many of the other people who share my national heritage, I'm quite positive on the mafia. You see, most people who hear a last name ending in a vowel immediately picture Al Pacino having his brother shot in a boat. That sometimes garners me an easier time getting a nice table at a restaurant, a free glass of wine and one time, about five years ago, a middle-eastern man asked me if I could get him some "official papers". In hindsight, I think I probably should have told someone about that.

An anti-Mafia police squad from Calabria and Interpol officers based in Rome have been dispatched to help local officers, who are not used to investigating mass gangland killings.

Germany not accustomed to mass-killings? Oh come on.

Bomb Derailed Passenger Train in Russia, Officials Say

I guess bombs'll do that.

A bomb set along railroad tracks exploded and derailed a passenger train Monday night between Moscow and St. Petersburg, wounding scores of passengers and shutting down service on one of Russia’s busiest rail lines.

See what happens when you worry about things like claiming the Artic, accusing Georgia of using dead pigs as biological warefare and threatening the US over missile shields? You miss the things you should be paying attention to.

No one was killed, but at least six people were seriously wounded, and the authorities suggested that passengers had been spared in part by luck.

Anytime you survive a train derailment there's luck involved.

The bomb exploded as the train was traveling near a section of track that crosses a bridge 60 feet above a road, but the train cleared the bridge before it derailed, and the cars slid onto their sides without falling down the slope or onto the road below.

Still sounds pretty shitty.

At least 60 of the more than 230 people on board the train were wounded, the authorities said. One railway official said on national television that 90 people had been treated.

Strangely, they all developed the same exact ailment. They all just kept repeating the phrase "Holy shit...holy shit...holy shit..."

Fukuoka woman certified as world's oldest person dies

Her last words were "About time!"

Yone Minagawa, who had been certified by Britain's Guinness World Records as the world's oldest person at age 114 earlier this year, died of old age Monday evening, informed sources said.

Died of old age? You mean it wasn't a motorcycle accident? Not a mishap with powertools? Look at 114 they only things you're really capable of doing is wetting yourself and dying of old age. I'm not making fun of the woman. I just don't think human beings are really meant to live that long. Somewhere around 110 your life just isn't as action-packed as it used to be.

Minagawa, from Fukuchi town in Fukuoka Prefecture, became the world's oldest person on Jan. 28 this year after American women Emma Faust Tillman died that day at the age of 114. In May, Fukuchi town asked Guinness World Records through the Internet to award Minagawa a certificate.

One of those few records you can only achieve when someone else dies. Kind of kills the celebration don't it.

Sunday Sign of Hope August 12th 2007

U.S. commander claims success in key Iraq province

From Reuters:

U.S. forces claimed success on Saturday in establishing their influence and denying al Qaeda fighters control of Iraq's Diyala River valley, one of the main targets of an American offensive over the past several months.

"We influence the entire Diyala River valley," Lieutenant-Colonel Andrew Poppas, commander of U.S. forces in the valley north of the town of Baquba, told journalists in a video conference.

"We have forces throughout the Diyala valley in key critical nodes. We cross any line of communications, deny the enemy any freedom of movement. Everything they do is watched," he said.

The Diyala River, which joins thhttp://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070811/ts_nm/iraq_diyala_dce Tigris near Baghdad, is one of the three main fertile areas of northern and western Iraq, alongside the Euphrates and the Tigris itself.

U.S. forces have focused on the religiously mixed Diyala province following a crackdown in Baghdad that preceded a larger push in areas around the capital.

Poppas said al Qaeda fighters had fled into the river valley from Baquba after a U.S. offensive there, and attempted to take control of towns and villages but had failed to do so.

Taliban free two South Korean hostages

A bit of good news on a Saturday. Enjoy.

Afghanistan’s Taliban said Saturday it had freed two women among 21 South Korean hostages captured more than three weeks ago by the hardline militia.

Two spokesman for the insurgents said both women were ill and had been freed unconditionally as a “gesture of goodwill,” just hours after the conclusion of face-to-face talks between the Taliban and a South Korean delegation.

Neither Afghan nor South Korean officials would immediately confirm any hostage release. “Our leadership council decided to free unconditionally and as a gesture of goodwill two women hostages who are sick,” said the main Taliban spokesman, Yousuf Ahmadi.

Here's to hoping for the other 19's safe release.

Russia says Georgia using pig corpses for 'biological terrorism'

So they've resorted to spoiled pork have they?

As Georgia drummed up support over an alleged Russian missile strike this week, Moscow on Friday charged Tbilisi with threatening the region with a somewhat less sophisticated menace: dead pigs.

This is not the first attempt at "gross-out" warfare. The idea is to make the other side so squeamish that they don't want to fight. I mean, who wants to fight a war with the smell of bad bacon in your nostrils.

Russia accused Georgia of dumping diseased swine corpses in the Kodori river, which runs through Georgia's Russian-backed breakaway region of Abkhazia to the Black Sea.

Russia has become the world's "look-at-me-please" country lately haven't they? Okay, Russia, you've claimed the Artic, you've threatened the US over the missile shield, you're building nuclear facilities in Iran, poisoned rogue spies and now you're accusing countries of using dead pigs as weapons. We see you. We know you're there. Calm down.

Panhandler shot to death

It doesn't get any more down on your luck than this.

Donald Francis, who police believe was homeless, stood outside the Marathon station at Eighth and Linn streets in Cincinnati late Monday night, asking people for money. That annoyed Geraldine Beasley so much, Chief Tom Streicher said, that she shot and killed Francis when he approached her.

A simple, "No, sorry, no spare change." would have probably sufficed.

"He asked her for a quarter," the chief said Tuesday.

This is why I try really, really hard never to have to speak to anyone. You just never know what is going to set someone off these days.

Beasley, 62, of Walnut Hills, complained to someone else at the scene about the panhandling, Streicher said. Then, he said, when Francis asked her for money, she pulled out a gun and fired.

You know what's really sad about all of this. I bet she had a quarter.

"That's apparently all there was to it," the chief said.

Oh I don't know chief, I have a feeling theres more involved here. Something involving having a 62 year-old woman packing a gun while it's pretty clear she wasn't entirely stable. You should look into that.

Pakistani TVs say Musharraf to declare emergency

If you ask me Pakistan's been in a state of emergency for about seven years.

Private Pakistani television channels reported on Wednesday that President Pervez Musharraf was preparing to declare a state of emergency imminently, but government spokesmen denied there were any such plans.

"We just wanted to confuse the people."

State-run Pakistan Television quoted official sources as saying the reports were baseless and Information Minister Mohammad Ali Durrani denied to Reuters that a meeting had been held to discuss the imposition of an emergency, as rumors swept the country.

So how can the US administration trust the Pakistanis to root out the top al-qaeda leadership from the tribal belt if they can't even get a handle on whether or not a state of emergency will be declared? Oh, yea, they got their shit together over there. Don't worry America, Pakistan's going after Bin Laden just as soon as they get this news coverage thing straightened out.

Bonds Makes HR History With No. 756

Booooooooooooo!

Barry Bonds hit No. 756 to the deepest part of the ballpark Tuesday night, and hammered home the point: Like him or not, legitimate or not, he is baseball's new home run king.

Not to me. Not to a lot of people.

Bonds broke Hank Aaron's storied record in the fifth inning, hitting a 3-2 pitch from Washington's Mike Bacsik 435 feet to right-center field. Three days earlier, Bonds tied the Hammer with a shot to left- center in San Diego.

Baseball officially died today.

Latest poll shows growing support for Iraq war policy

Well...didn't see this one coming.

USA TODAY's Susan Page reports that President Bush is making some headway in arguing that the increase in U.S. troops in Iraq is showing military progress.

There are some people in the world who want nothing more than to see the US in Iraq fail. This includes tons of Americans, not just the America-hating rest of the world. But lets forget Bush being an idiot for a second, lets forget that Cheney is either the devil himself or closely related and lets be honest. If the surge is working, it is good news. If there is progress in Iraq, then perhaps, just maybe, slim chance as it may be, Bush was right. Wow, imagine that.

In the latest USA TODAY/Gallup Poll, taken Friday through Sunday, the proportion of those who said the additional troops are "making the situation better" rose to 31% from 22% a month ago. Those who said it was "not making much difference" dropped to 41% from 51%.

As much as I'd like to see Bush's plan succeed (I'm not a Republican, I'm just a big fan of less US casualties and a better Iraq) I don't trust polls. Why? Cause you can use polls to prove anything. I asked four people if I was right about that and 75% agreed with me.

Sunday Sign of Hope August 5th 2007

U.S. says kills mastermind of pivotal Iraq attack

Good riddance. From Reuters:

U.S. forces in Iraq said on Sunday they had killed the mastermind of an attack on a gold-domed Shi'ite shrine last year that triggered the worst phase of the country's spiral into sectarian violence.

The U.S. military described Haitham al-Badri as the top al Qaeda leader in Salahuddin province and blamed him for the pivotal 2006 attack on Samarra's al-Askari mosque.

That attack, which brought down the shrine's famed golden dome, inspired widespread revenge killings and is seen as the trigger for the war's deadliest phase, when an insurgency mainly of Sunni Arabs against U.S. forces turned into a sectarian conflict pitting Iraq's main communities against each other.

U.S. and Iraqi leaders also blame Badri for a second attack on the same shrine seven weeks ago which toppled its minarets.

Military spokesman Rear Admiral Mark Fox said Badri and several other gunmen were strafed by a U.S. helicopter after they were seen preparing an ambush east of Samarra.

Bonds Hits 755th Homer to Tie Aaron

Excuse me for a moment while I speak to my fellow Americans. I don't know how I feel about this. Hank Aaron was a great, a man who played baseball for the love of the game, a game that was great once. I can't get excited about Bonds breaking the record. It's like applauding when Ivan Drago kills Apollo Creed in Rocky 4. When a guy grows up playing baseball and breaks a record out of sheer talent, then I'll celebrate. Not when someone who has honed his skills and abilities with substances just for the purpose of breaking a record. To me, it's an insult to the game.

Barry Bonds swung, took a half-dozen steps and clapped his hands. With no trace of a smile but a strong shot for all the doubters, he caught Hank Aaron and tied the career home run record Saturday night.

I don't watch baseball anymore. I used to. I just can't watch. I get this overwhelming feeling that I missed the greats. I wonder if my father and my grandfather knew they were watching the greats when they were young? I feel like I'm watching robots.

No. 755 was an opposite-field drive to left-center field, moving Bonds within one swing of having baseball's pinnacle of power all to himself.

I find myself upset that he is breaking this record. I can't help but feel sort of cheated. Maybe I'm looking into this too much but hey, that's just the way I feel about it.

Bonds was booed as he headed to left field at the end of the inning. The 43-year-old star has been shadowed by suspicions of steroid use for several years, which some fans feel has tainted his chase for home run record.

At least I'm not alone. Booooooooooooo.

Bizarre submersible found floating off New York

I'm from New York, trust me, this isn't that bizarre.

New York authorities were questioning three men found in a bizarre submersible vessel floating just off Manhattan on Friday, according to local reports.

Some people have WAY too much free time.

The men were discovered early Friday near the cruise terminal in Brooklyn where the massive ocean liner The Queen Mary II is moored, ABC television reported on its website.

What has this country come to when three grown men can't play submarine in the waters of New York?

What the three men were doing in the vessel -- which appeared to be spherical with a circular hatch on top -- was not immediately clear.

Who wants to bet that whatever they were doing they probably shouldn't have been?

According to ABC, there was no indication that the discovery was terror-related -- a constant fear in New York following the September 11 Al-Qaeda attacks on New York.

Terrorism, nah, this is good ol' fashioned United States weirdness.

China says ‘over 99% of exports safe’

Of course that tricky 1% will kill you faster than taking a speeding train to the face.

China on Thursday strongly defended the quality of its exports and said that it would work with the US to improve product safety in the wake of another substantial withdrawal of consumer goods made in China.

I wonder what the exceptable percentage of deaths caused by Chinese imports are. You know there's a number that if exceeded makes the people in charge go, "Whoa, wait, people are going to notice this China."

Mattel is recalling 1.5m toys worldwide, including replicas of popular children’s TV characters such as Elmo, Dora and Big Bird, because they use paint that contains too much lead, the biggest such problem to face the US toymaker in more than a decade.

Maybe that's why the children in this country are so fucking stupid. My daughter asked me the other day if crocidiles could grow to be as big as the earth. I made her soak her head in ice water for an hour in the hopes that the obvious swelling went down. Now I think, maybe she's eating her dolls.

The high-profile toy withdrawal is the latest in a string of problems to face China-made goods in the US, ranging from contaminated pet food that was linked to the death of thousands of cats and dogs to toothpaste laced with industrial chemicals.

Nothing gets those teeth whiter than sulfric acid. Remember to brush after every meal. So, how exactly does industrial chemicals make their way into my Colgate?

In the face of a growing crisis of confidence in Chinese goods, Bo Xilai, commerce minister, said that “over 99 per cent of China’s export products are good and safe”. In comments published on Thursday on the ministry’s website, he added: “We hope that all parties can treat Chinese products objectively, fairly and rationally. Don’t let this damage the normal development of trade.”

"Sure we're killing your beloved pets and children but lets not crazy here people."

Bridge Falls Into Mississippi River

Bridges aren't supposed the do that.

The entire span of an interstate bridge over the Mississippi River collapsed during evening rush hour Wednesday, sending vehicles, tons of concrete and twisted metal crashing into the water.

My girlfriend has a friend who's mother refuses to visit her because her mother has a fear of crossing bridges. They only live about an hour apart but there is no way to get to each other without crossing two bridges. No of course her friend visits her mother plenty of times but the mother refuses to go ANYWHERE that would include her to cross over a bridge. I used to find that silly.

The Interstate 35W bridge, which spans between Minneapolis and St. Paul, was under construction when it broke into several huge sections.

A friend of mine once took the entire engine of his car apart and rebuilt it. After he was finished he has about fifteen parts still laying on the garage floor. I asked him how come all the parts hadn't made it back into the engine and he said that those were extra pieces the engine didn't really need. Two days later the engine fell out of the car while he was driving. I have a feeling the same attitude is at work here.

It was not clear how many people were injured. A burning truck and a school bus clung to one slanted slab, while at least eight cars and a truck were submerged in the river.

I'm guessing someone got hurt.

The Homeland Security Department had received no indications Wednesday night that the collapse was an act of terrorism, department spokesman Russ Knocke said in Washington. "We continue to monitor the situation. At this time, there's no indication of a nexus to terrorism," Knocke said.

Who needs terrorism when you have half-ass construction?