Aid battle for flood-hit Pakistan

Praise Allah.

Rescuers in Pakistan are struggling to bring aid to more than a million people hit by storms that have also struck many other areas in south Asia.

This seems to remind me of something, I think it was when Katrina hit New Orleans and the people in the middle east celebrated it as the finger of God punishing the US. So, I guess his finger slipped this time then huh?

Army helicopters and transport planes are dropping aid to the homeless in Pakistan's Balochistan province.

Balochistan province is a hotbed for Islamic insurgency. I think you can see where I'm going with this.

Relief officials in Balochistan said the situation was being brought under control after police on Friday fired tear gas on hundreds of angry protesters demanding help in the city of Turbat.

So now you're wet AND blind. We here in the US criticized the reaction of our government with Katrina but at least they didn't fire tear gas.

Car bombs come to London

So here's the thing. Islamic terrorists attacked the United States on September 11th 2001. This eventually led to the US and other western countries to invade Afghanistan and oust the Taliban. Then, for reasons I still am yet to understand, the US invaded Iraq. The British came with us. Now it seems that England has become a prime target by Islamic terrorists mainly because, one, its large Muslim population and two, its close proximity to the Middle East. So, on behalf of the US people, sorry bout that.

Police were last night hunting a suspected al-Qaida-inspired terrorist cell after the discovery of two "Iraqi style" car bombs, which UK officials said were designed to cause mass murder. One was outside a London nightclub, and a second nearby.

Hats off to the British police. Someone deserves a medal. Saved a lot of lives.

Only luck and probable faults in the bombs' construction meant that the first device, inside a metallic green Mercedes, could be disarmed, while the second, in a blue Mercedes 280E, failed to explode.

Okay, so at least we're not dealing with masterminds here. They don't know what they're doing when it comes to bombmaking. I don't know if that's actually a good thing.

Police say both were capable of causing severe casualties and were intended to have been detonated remotely, most likely by a mobile phone.

The mistakes in Iraq are going to haunt us for a long, long time.

Counter-terrorism officials said the first device - made up of 60 litres of petrol, several propane gas cylinders, nails and a detonation mechanism - was similar to those used by al-Qaida in Iraq.

Well at this point anything that blows up is similiar to Iraq.

The second car, containing similar lethal materials, was given a parking ticket at 2.30am before being towed to a car park in Park Lane, central London.

Perfect, so, now, when the guy comes to pay the fine, grab him!

White House, Congressional Democrats Heading for Showdown

High noon, pistols, ten paces, lets make this interesting.

President Bush and majority Democrats in Congress are heading toward a constitutional showdown involving the controversy over the firing of federal prosecutors. VOA's Dan Robinson reports, Democrats accuse the president and vice president of being above the law regarding that and other issues.

The White House thinking they're above the law? No, no, I just won't believe it. They are there to SERVE the people, not to make money by breaking the law. I've seen no evidence of greediness and illegal activities in the White House. Asides from a war over oil, the outing of a CIA operative, firing of federal prosecutors, hidden CIA overseas prisons, wiretaps, oh and the vice-president shooting someone in the face.

In a letter to Congress, White House counsel Fred Fielding says the president is invoking executive privilege in refusing to provide documents to committees investigating the firing of U.S. attorneys, and what Democrats believe was possible improper political influence in the matter.

At this point can't we just fire the government? I mean, they techinically work for us right?

Russia lays claim to the North Pole - and all its gas, oil, and diamonds

But how does Santa Claus feel about this?

Russian President Vladimir Putin is making an astonishing bid to grab a vast chunk of the Arctic - so he can tap its vast potential oil, gas and mineral wealth.

So when did the world powers resort to calling dibs?

His scientists claim an underwater ridge near the North Pole is really part of Russia's continental shelf.

Well, if you want to get technical, if you follow the earth down far enough under the oceans we're all connected. Don't try to get all technical to me Putin.

One newspaper printed a map of the "new addition", a triangle five times the size of Britain with twice as much oil as Saudi Arabia.

Great, so in about three or four decades someone is going to invade the North Pole.

Abbas announces crackdown on militants

Oh that should work. Didn't the militants kick your party out of Gaza?

Mahmoud Abbas, the Palestine president, has ordered a crackdown on all militants in the West Bank, provoking those fighters who claim loyalty to him and his party, Fatah, to vow defiance.

Sometimes you just don't have a big enough bomb, know what I mean?

In a decree published on Tuesday, Mr Abbas outlawed the militias and called on the security services to confiscate guns, explosives and other weapons that have been smuggled into the territory in recent years.

Other than looking and sounding good, this should have no effect on anything at all. It's kind of like me calling on Bruce Willis to give me ten million dollars. Actually, I call on Bruce Willis to give me ten million dollars. Lets see which happens first, the complete removal of militias in the West Bank or my ten mil. Tick tock.

"All armed militias, groups and brigades that do not belong in practice to the security services shall be treated as illegal organisations," read Mr Abbas's executive order.

The collective sound of laughter with the West Bank has yet to stop.

CIA releases papers that set off scandal

Sure why not? Everyone else is having scandal after scandal, let's let them all loose right now.

The CIA released hundreds of pages of internal reports Tuesday on assassination plots, secret drug testing and spying on Americans that triggered a scandal in the mid-1970s.

So what is this supposed to mean. The CIA releases a ton of papers documenting misconduct over thirty years ago and we're supposed to think, "Oh, since they're admitting it now, they must not do anything like that anymore."? The US government greatly underestimates the intelligence of its population. Well, acutally, now that I think about it, perhaps it doesn't. There are some really, really stupid people in this country.

The documents detail assassination plots against foreign leaders such as Fidel Castro, the testing of mind-altering drugs like LSD on unwitting citizens, wiretapping of U.S. journalists, spying on civil rights and anti-Vietnam war protesters, opening of mail between the United States and the Soviet Union and China and break-ins at the homes of ex-CIA employees and others.

I'm not surprised. Anyone who thought the CIA walked the line on the legal sign is probably too busy trying to get their life savings back from a phone scam to read this article. And by the way I encourage anyone in the US who fails a drug test from now on to blame the CIA.

Boy: Taliban Recruited Me to Bomb Troops

I'm curious to see how the MSM is going to spin this to seem like it's everyone else's fault except the Taliban.

The story of a 6-year-old Afghan boy who says he thwarted an effort by Taliban militants to trick him into being a suicide bomber provoked tears and anger at a meeting of tribal leaders.

If a six-year-old can outsmart the Taliban how come we can't find Mullah Omar?

The account from Juma Gul, a dirt-caked child who collects scrap metal for money, left American soldiers dumbfounded that a youngster could be sent on such a mission. Afghan troops crowded around the boy to call him a hero.

Calling a child in Afghanistan dirt-caked is like calling water wet. No offense but personal hygiene isn't exactly high on the list of priorities over there in the fun ol' middle east. Honestly, when was the last time you saw a picture from that region that didn't have someone or something in it that desperately needed to be shot with a fire hose?

Though the Taliban dismissed the story as propaganda, at a time when U.S. and NATO forces are under increasing criticism over civilian casualties, both Afghan tribal elders and U.S. military officers said they were convinced by his dramatic account.

Well if the Taliban say it isn't true what possible reason do we have to say they're lying. You know, besides all the lying they've been doing over the last six years. Remember, these are the same people who blow up music stores cause CD's are evil. Same people who will cut your head off for shaving your beard. And the very same people who swore to Allah that Mullah Dadullah wasn't dead even when the guys body was being broadcast on CNN.

Juma said that sometime last month Taliban fighters forced him to wear a vest they said would spray out flowers when he touched a button. He said they told him that when he saw American soldiers, "throw your body at them."

Spray flowers? Man, I know like fifteen people over thirty who would fell for that shit. Smart kid.

"When they first put the vest on my body I didn't know what to think, but then I felt the bomb," Juma told The Associated Press as he ate lamb and rice after being introduced to the elders at this joint U.S.- Afghan base in Ghazni. "After I figured out it was a bomb, I went to the Afghan soldiers for help."

Good for him. Now spread the word little Juma, vests are bad.

No News Yesterday

Due to my internet service provider deciding I shouldn't be on the internet yesterday, Damnit! Earth went newsless. Sorry to all you who stopped by for a quick read and thought, "Oh my Lord, Mad Man is dead!" I assure you I am not dead, only seriously wounded but that's a story for another time. As for now, enjoy the Sunday Sign of Hope and an extra news story for you just because I love you, well, not love, but I like you a lot, more than a friend is what I'm trying to say.

So, what you doing next Friday night?

Sunday Sign of Hope June 24th 2007

Shutdown of North Korean Reactor to Begin

From Scotsman.com:

THE United States yesterday said it expects North Korea to shut down the reactor at the heart of its atomic arms development within about three weeks.

Senior US nuclear envoy Christopher Hill said progress on a deal struck in February to disable Pyongyang's nuclear programme should be possible following the transfer to a North Korean account of $25m in cash that had been frozen in Macau at Washington's behest.
Click here to find out more!

Russian news agencies quoted finance ministry officials as saying yesterday that the transaction had been completed.

Hill, who made a brief trip to the isolated East Asian state this week, also said the next round of six-party talks on scrapping Pyongyang's nuclear programme would take place after the shutdown began, most likely in the early part of July.

Shutdown of the Yongbyon reactor would take place after North Korea had reached agreement with the UN's nuclear watchdog, the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA), on monitoring the operation, Hill told reporters in Tokyo.

"We expect Yongbyon to be shut down after there is an agreement between the DPRK [Democratic People's Republic of Korea] and the IAEA on how to monitor this shutdown," Hill said after talks with his Japanese counterpart, Kenichiro Sasae. "We do expect this to take place soon, and within probably three weeks."

North Korea confirmed it would begin implementing the nuclear disarmament deal it agreed with top regional powers on February 13 as soon as it recovered the funds which have been long frozen in Macau.

Pyongyang committed itself to closing down Yongbyon, the source of its weapons-grade plutonium, in the deal with the US, China, South Korea, Japan and Russia, in exchange for energy aid.

Saddam Hussein Cousin Gets Death Sentence for Mass Killings

They sure keep the gallows busy over there.

As the judge pronounced five death sentences on him on Sunday, the man Iraqis know as Chemical Ali seemed a shadow of the merciless enforcer who oversaw poison gas attacks that killed thousands of Kurdish villagers in Iraq’s northern uplands nearly 20 years ago.

5 death sentences? That's a lot of hanging he's got ahead of him.

In his early 60s, severely weakened by diabetes, Ali Hassan al-Majid leaned heavily on a walking stick for the 18 minutes it took the judge to read guilty verdicts on counts of genocide, war crimes and crimes against humanity.

I'm not sure how I feel about the hangings of Saddam's ex-enforcers over there in Iraq but I figure so many people are dying in that country what's one more? And if anyone really deserves it, it'd be these guys.

Unlike his cousin Saddam Hussein, whose shouted defiance nearly drowned out the judge who sent him to the gallows last year, Mr. Majid offered no protest until the judge ordered bailiffs to lead him from the chest-high, iron-ribbed cage that serves as a dock.

"I sentence you to die"
"Yo mama!"

Only then did Mr. Majid muster a riposte, but it seemed to speak to relief that the waiting for his inevitable death sentence was over. “Thanks be to God, now I’m leaving,” he said.

No, you're just going back to your cell now. You'll be leaving soon enough.

Lightning kills man beneath cloudless sky

Sounds like God's pissed.

With no rain or even clouds to warn him of the danger, death came literally out of the blue Thursday to a self-employed landscaper. The killer was a powerful bolt of lightning that cracked through perfectly clear skies.

So, uh, where'd it come from then?

David Canales, 41, of West Miami-Dade, was on the job at a Pinecrest home when the bolt hit. It first seared a tree, then traveled and struck Canales, standing nearby.

New lightning? We're all going to die.

Experts said Canales was killed by a weather phenomenon fittingly called a ''bolt from the blue'' or ''dry lightning'' because it falls from clear, blue skies. He was pronounced dead at South Miami Hospital.

That sucks. Talk about bad fucking luck.

Canales is the latest victim of one of Florida's least enviable honors: It's the country's lightning capital. Five of the 47 people killed by lightning across the country last year were in Florida.

It's also the home of Disneyworld. Coincidence? I think not.

The fair-weather bolts pack a bigger, deadlier punch and form differently.

I'm never going outside again.

Two-year-old 'Matilda' becomes youngest ever girl in Mensa

Give her until the teens when all the alcohol and marijuana have done their damage and if she's still a genius she can be in Mensa.

Her parents knew Georgia Brown was bright. After all, she could count to ten, recognised her colours and was even starting to dabble with French.

But does she still shit her pants? Geniuses don't shit their pants.

But it was only when their bubbly little two-year-old took an IQ test that her towering intellect was confirmed. Georgia has become the youngest female member of Mensa after scoring a genius-rated IQ of 152.

Maybe she can figure out a way to get out of Iraq.

This puts her in the same intellectual league, proportionate to her age, as physicist Stephen Hawking.

I'm sorry but I really have to wonder how much a genius a two-year old can be? She isn't even close to being fully developed mentally. Remember, an infant can swim from the moment it's born but somewhere along the way that ability seems to just fade. I wish her all the best but aren't we jumping the gun here just a little? Mensa needing a little pubilicity or something? Come see me when she's 18 and we'll talk but as for now I'm not buying it.

According to an expert in gifted children, Georgia is the brightest two-year-old she has ever met.

"She even balanced my checkbook."

She was crawling at five months and walking at nine months.

I've been walking for over twenty years and no one calls me a genius.

"She would say, 'Hello I'm Georgia, I'm one'. She was also putting her shoes on and putting them on the right feet."

I, also, have been doing this for many years.

"But she still has temper tantrums, like you wouldn't believe, throwing herself on the floor."

Unfortunately, I do this as well.

Airline Apologizes for Sewage on Plane

Sorry about all the shit.

Continental Airlines Inc. (CAL) is apologizing to its customers for "poor conditions" aboard a transatlantic flight where one passenger described sewage spilling down the aisle from a lavatory.

Al-qaeda?

"I've never felt so offended in all my life," passenger Collin Brock of Washington state told Seattle's KING-TV. "I felt like I had been physically abused and neglected. I was forced to sit next to human excrement for seven hours."

Disgusted? Absoluetly. Sickened? You betcha. Offended? That's going a little too far. Look, everybody shits and yes, it's just bad business to allow said shit to roam free inside a confined area but what are you offended about? You weren't physically abused. No one shoved the shit in your face. Well, I hope no one shoved the shit in your face. And while sitting next to human feces for seven hours SUCKS, think of it as a prelude to having children and stop blowing it out of proportion. After smelling shit for seven hours I bet now you smell a lawsuit don't you?

Continental spokesman Dave Messing on Thursday confirmed that there had been a problem with the plane's lavatory during the flight.

Slight problem there huh Dave?

Flight 71, with 168 passengers on board, had taken off June 13 from Amsterdam bound for Newark, N.J., but made an overnight stop in Shannon, Ireland, to fix the lavatory problem, Messing said.

There's lavatory problems, the tiolet wont flush, and there's LAVATORY PROBLEMS, like human shit escaping it's watery prison and running for the cockpit.

Police Release More Detail About Juneteenth Violence

I don't know what Juneteenth is but I don't like it.

Milwaukee Police say a 33-year-old man has a broken tooth and cuts all over his face after a group of teenagers pulled him from his car and beat him following Milwaukee's Juneteenth celebration.

Happy Juneteenth! Run for your fucking lives!

Meanwhile, a few blocks away a group of girls started fighting. When police went to break up the fight near 1st and Auer, the department says a 17-year-old girl started punching and kicking a 15-year veteran officer. She hit him in his face shield, which shattered into his face. He needed three stitches and has scratches on his neck. That 17-year-old was arrested and police are recommending charges for battery to a police officer.

Must be something they put in the water in the high schools or something. That's why I always keep a teenager in the trunk of my car. You know, in cause I need an ambassador. There's some other reasons but I won't get into that right now.

Police say there was also a fight earlier in the day in the 3000 block of north 1st Street. In that case, three women were fighting. Police say a 15-year-old boy tried to break up the fight when an 18-year-old man got involved in it.

I say open fucking fire on any crowds larger than four people at this point.

According to police, the 18-year-old got angry, walked away and told the boy he was coming back with a gun. The 18-year-old did in fact return with a gun and fired five shots into a crowd where the boy was standing. The 15-year-old's 39-year-old uncle was hit in the shoulder. He was treated and released from a local hospital.

So what the fuck is Juneteenth anyway besides random acts of public violence?

Some people think the violence takes away from the real meaning of Juneteenth.

Which is what?

"I think it should be continued," said Earnestine Rogers. "It shouldn't be stopped because of some youngsters."

Ok, who the fuck is Earnestine Rogers and what the fuck is Juneteenth? This article is missing some major information here. And Earnestine, if you mind me calling you Earnestine (your parents should be shot for naming you that), I don't know if this is the type of celebration we need right now. How about Stay-at-home-and-don't-kill-anybody-Day? That sounds fun.

It's the second year in a row that violence has broken out at the celebration.

Three strikes and you're out. Give it another year. Anymore violence and just gather them all up and throw them into the ocean.

I looked up Juneteenth for anyone interested. This is what I found:

Juneteenth is the oldest nationally celebrated commemoration of the ending of slavery in the United States.

Nothing says freedom like winding up in prison. You're all fucking morons. Your ancesters would hang you.

Texas Crowd Kills Man After Car Hits Kid

I guess they don't like accidental violence?

A crowd attacked and killed a passenger in a vehicle that had struck and injured a child, police said Wednesday.

Wait, they killed the passenger? What the fuck did he do? "How dare you sit in a seat next to a man who ran over a child!"

Police believe 2,000 to 3,000 people were in the area for a Juneteenth celebration when the attack occurred Tuesday night. The man who was killed had been trying to stop the group from attacking the vehicle's driver when the crowd turned on him, authorities said.

"I changed my mind! Kill the driver! Kill the driver!"

The child was taken to a hospital with non-life threatening injuries.

Although he will have to live the rest of his life knowing that a man died because he forgot to look both ways.

The driver was able to get away is cooperating with investigators, police said.

This is just crazy. A friend of mine once told me his biggest fear was stupid people in large numbers and this is making that all that more clear to me.

30 dead in blast at Pakistan Al Qaeda camp

So, you were saying about those suicide bombers being sent to the US and Europe?

Around 30 suspected Al Qaeda militants, including several foreigners, have been killed in a blast at a training camp in a Pakistani tribal area bordering Afghanistan, officials said. There were conflicting accounts about the cause of the explosion in North Waziristan district. Residents said three US missiles came from across the frontier while officials said the insurgents were killed by their own bombs.

Does it really matter? Either way, you play with explosives you go boom. It's just the circle of life.

"Around 30 people were killed in the blast. Ten to 15 are foreign nationals. They had assembled there and were in the compound, using it as a training compound," chief military spokesman Major General Waheed Arshad told AFP.

They won't be graduating.

"There are some Arabs and Turkmen among the foreigners who died in the blast. We don't know what caused it but local reports say it was a training camp used by the militants to prepare explosives."

Consider this a lesson courtesy of the United States. Class dimissed.

Suicide Bomb Teams Sent to U.S., Europe

Oh yeah? What's their names?

Large teams of newly trained suicide bombers are being sent to the United States and Europe, according to evidence contained on a new videotape obtained by the Blotter on ABCNews.com.

I would worry about this if it weren't for the fact that there's a video. If there's a video, I'm sure the people responsible for keeping us safe have seen it. And if they've seen it, I'm sure they're making the appropiate preparations to combat this threat, just like they did for Katrina and 9/11 and...oh shit...I'm staying home.

Teams assigned to carry out attacks in the United States, Canada, Great Britain and Germany were introduced at an al Qaeda/Taliban training camp graduation ceremony held June 9.

Graduation ceremony for suicide bombers? Do you get a diploma? If so, what do you use it for? I guess you just can't strap an explosive device to yourself these days without a degree.

A Pakistani journalist was invited to attend and take pictures as some 300 recruits, including boys as young as 12, were supposedly sent off on their suicide missions.

Ok everybody, start keeping an eye on those youngin's.

"These Americans, Canadians, British and Germans come here to Afghanistan from faraway places," Dadullah says on the tape. "Why shouldn't we go after them?"

Cause of what happened last time. Remember, we pushed you out of your country? Yeah, it can get worse guys. Trust me, it can always get worse. We have bombs that can wipe you out in about three seconds and make it impossible for anything living to inhabit that same area for a few decades. Keep that in mind while you ponder sending children to do a job you're too scared to do yourselves.

Muslim world inflamed by Rushdie knighthood

Oh surprise, surprise, the Muslim world is angry again.

Sir Salman Rushdie celebrates his 60th birthday today in familiar circumstances: he is once again the subject of death threats across the Islamic world.

I wonder what it feels like to have an entire part of the world want to kill you. On one hand, it of course must be quite scary but on the other hand, must kind of be nice knowing that you personally have such an effect on people. You know, you're THAT important that millions of people want you dead. On second thought, that might not be so nice.

Eighteen years after the Ayatollah Khomeini issued a fatwa calling on Muslims to kill him, a government minister in Pakistan said yesterday that Rushdie’s recent knighthood justified suicide bombing.

In all fairness, you guys justify suicide bombings over cartoons. Seriously, you did.

The question of blasphemy in The Satanic Verses, Rushdie’s 1988 tale of a prophet misled by the devil, remains a deeply sensitive issue in much of the Muslim world and the author’s inclusion in the Queen’s Birthday Honours last week has inflamed anti-British sentiment.

The crusades are still a sensitive issue in the Muslim world. Jeez, those people just never let anything go do they?

Sunday Sign of Hope June 17th 2007

N.C. Panel Disbars Duke Prosecutor

From My Way News:

District Attorney Mike Nifong was disbarred Saturday for his "selfish" rape prosecution of three Duke University lacrosse players - a politically motivated act, his judges said, that he inexplicably allowed to fester for months after it was clear the defendants were innocent.

"This matter has been a fiasco. There's no doubt about it," said F. Lane Williamson, the chairman of the three-member disciplinary committee that stripped the veteran prosecutor of his state law license.

Even Nifong and his attorneys supported the decision, though the veteran prosecutor refused to admit to the end that no crime occurred at a March 2006 lacrosse team party.

The committee said Nifong manipulated the investigation to boost his chances of winning his first election for Durham County district attorney. In doing so, he committed "a clear case of intentional prosecutorial misconduct" that involved "dishonesty, fraud, deceit and misrepresentation."

Williamson specifically cited Nifong's comments in the early days of the case, which included a confident proclamation at a candidate forum that he wouldn't allow Durham to become known for "a bunch of lacrosse players from Duke raping a black girl." He also called the lacrosse team "a bunch of hooligans" at one point.

Appointed district attorney in 2005, Nifong was in a tight race for the office when a stripper told police she was raped at the party.

"At the time he was facing a primary, and yes, he was politically naive," Williamson said. "But we can draw no other conclusion that those initial statements he made were to further his political ambitions."

During the ethics trial, Nifong acknowledged he knew there was no DNA evidence connecting Reade Seligmann and Collin Finnerty to the 28-year-old accuser when he indicted them on charges of rape, sexual offense and kidnapping. Nifong later charged Dave Evans with the same crimes. But months later, state prosecutors concluded the three players were "innocent" - a fact Williamson hammered home on Saturday.

"We acknowledge the actual innocence of the defendants, and there's nothing here that has done anything but support that assertion," Williamson said.

US says 60pc of Baghdad not controlled

Let's stay positive here. This means that 40% of Baghdad isn't a festering hellhole of rampant violence like the other 60% of the city...and the rest of the country.

Security forces in Baghdad have full control in only 40 percent of the city five months into the pacification campaign, a top American general said Saturday as U.S. troops began an offensive against two al-Qaida strongholds on the capital's southern outskirts.

We came, we saw, things got out of control, we surged...that didn't help either.

Lt. Gen. Raymond Odierno said American troops launched the offensive in Baghdad's Arab Jabour and Salman Pac neighborhoods Friday night. It was the first time in three years that U.S. soldiers entered those areas, where al-Qaida militants build car bombs and launch Katyusha rockets at American bases and Shiite Muslim neighborhoods.

So it's not that we don't know where they are. Damn, if only they would hang out in the 40% of the controlled area, we'd be able to handle it.

Hamas In Control

Oh good.

Cheering Hamas supporters wearing green headbands and waving flags surged through Gaza's streets Friday as Islamic militants in black masks took over one of President Mahmoud Abbas' offices and rifled through his bedroom.

Man, I wouldn't want Hamas ruffaging through my personal belongings. I have a lot of fragile things and Hamas just doesn't strike me as "gentle" fellows.

Hamas offered amnesty to its defeated foes as violence tapered off from five days of bloodshed that claimed more than 90 lives. But Fatah leader Abbas made the split complete by firing the Hamas prime minister, leaving Palestinians struggling to adjust to a new political reality that has crushed their long-standing hopes for their own state.

Well this is what you all voted for. Congrats.

Safe in the West Bank, Abbas moved quickly to cement his rule there after losing control of Gaza to Hamas forces. He replaced Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh, a Hamas member, with Finance Minister Salam Fayyad, a respected economist, to head a new moderate government.

"I never wanted to rule in Gaza anyway. Shithole."

Hamas, overwhelmingly elected in a 2006 parliament vote, denounced Abbas' move as a coup. Hamas' supreme leader, Syrian-based Khaled Mashaal, later said Abbas has legitimacy as an elected president and promised to cooperate, but warned Fatah against going after Hamas loyalists in the West Bank.

Coup? You just stormed through Gaza with armed militants and murdered dozens of leaders of the Fatah party. Wow. No wonder nothing ever gets accomplished over there.

But Fatah gunmen and security forces allied with Abbas in the West Bank were prowling that territory looking for Hamas supporters and wrecking a Hamas radio station.

So you're saying the violence is starting to taper off? I say it's just starting, or, still going on from a million years ago. Which ever way you want to look at it.

Hamas calls for Israel ties on Gaza civilian needs

Remember all those rockets you fired into Israel? Yeah, that's what we call poor foresight.

The Hamas spokesman in the Gaza Strip, Fawzi Barhoum, told Haaretz on Thursday that the militant group, which earlier seized control of the last symbols of Fatah supremacy in the Strip, is interested in remaining in contact with Israel to attending to the needs of the civilian population there.

So now you want Israel to help the civilians that have repeatedly attacked them? I can't imagine what goes through you peoples minds. And I would love to think that if Israel did offer aid, did forget the rocket attacks, the suicide bombings, the snipers and all that violence, that maybe that would alter the Palenstinian populations image of Israel, maybe they would think, "hey, after all we did they helped, maybe they're not so bad", but I think we all know that's bullshit. Israel could single-handily aid each and every civilian in the Gaza Strip and still be ducking rockets and losing cafes to bombings within two-three months. Does that sound harsh? It should. It's true. You know it.

Earlier Thursday, Palestinian Authority Chairman Mahmoud Abbas dissolved the unity government his Fatah party shares with Hamas, and declared a state of emergency and dismissing Palestinian Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh, from Hamas, and his government, which included representatives of Abbas' Fatah.

"That's it, no more government. There."

Haniyeh said early Friday that Abbas' decision to fire him and his government over Gaza violence was hasty, pledging to maintain the unity coalition.

Pst...that unity coalition, yeah, don't bother.

Woman Dies On E.R. Floor as Dispatchers Refuse to Send Help

So many questions. Firstly, why are people calling 911 if the lady is already in the hospital? Isn't that where they take you when you call 911? Secondly, why is she on the floor in the E.R.? If she's that bad off, why isn't she in a bed with a bunch of doctors and nurses standing over her instead of Walt the janitor complaining cause he just cleaned the floor? So...who dropped the ball on this one?

In a death that has been officially ruled as accidental by the Los Angeles coroner’s office, Edith Isabel Rodriguez died on an emergency room floor in an inner-city hospital. On May 9th Rodriguez, 43, lay bleeding of a perforated bowel at Martin Luther King Jr.-Harbor Hospital as 911 dispatchers repeatedly refused to call paramedics or an ambulance for the woman in order for her to be taken to another hospital. Tapes of the 911 calls reveal the dispatchers doing little to help the dying woman.

So what were the doctors in the hospital she was currently occuplying doing?

Rodriguez’s death is being investigated, and relatives of the woman are stating that she died when L.A. police who had been asked for help arrested her instead (on a parole violation). The investigation is being carried out by county and state authorities.

What? I can't help but feel like I'm not getting the FULL story here.

Jose Prado, Rodriguez’s boyfriend, made a call to 911 dispatchers requesting aid for his dying girlfriend. The female dispatcher on the other end told him an ambulance would not be sent because Rodriguez was already in a hospital.

Seems to make sense. Where is the ambulance supposed to take her at that point, for a ride in the parking lot? I'm more interested in why she was on the floor if her condition was that severe and not in the E.R. being worked on. Let me rephrase that, why was she not IN A BED in the E.R. being worked on?

A second call minutes later was placed by a bystander who asked for an ambulance for the woman as well. Again, the request was refused, and an argument between the male dispatcher and the female bystander ensued.

Well the last thing I want to call 911 for is an argument. What the fuck happened here?

The breakdown in patient care is not the first for King-Harbor, which is under investigation for the problem. Last week, inspectors found that patients in the hospital’s E.R. were in “immediate jeopardy” of harm or death. King-Harbor Hospital was issued a 23-day period to fix the problem or jeopardize their federal funding.

Looks like I have another name to add to the list of hospitals not to send me to. Someone better lose their license, their funding, their job and, I don't know, lets say a left foot for this.

NATO urges Turkey against Iraq incursion

Trust us, not a good idea to go in there.

The head of NATO has urged Turkey not to mount a cross-border operation into Iraq to counter Kurdish militants.

"The last country to go into Iraq didn't fare well Turkey, don't make the same mistake."

Jaap de Hoop Scheffer had talks with Foreign Minister Abdullah Gul amid speculation that Turkish forces could soon move against the PKK rebels.

Jaap de Hoop? What kind of first name is Jaap de Hoop and why aren't fifteen year olds still beating the shit out of him?

Turkey has sent thousands of soldiers to the border area, leading to speculation that a major cross-border push was imminent.

That's it, that's the solution to Iraq. We get every country we can to invade it all at once and the insurgents won't know which way to blow themselves up. It's perfect.

John Travolta reveals nocturnal secret to avoiding paparazzi

Here we go, more crazy shit out of Hollywood. You know, there was a time in my life where I dreamed of fortune and fame but look what it does to people. I mean, I've been in mental institutions throughout my teens and twenties and I'm not rich or famous. Imagine what would happen if I had a lot of money. I'd be dead in a week.

John Travolta has found the best way to avoid the paparazzi is to stay up all night and sleep half of the day, the Hollywood star reveals in an interview to be published this weekend.

We should drive a wooden stake through his heart, just to be sure.

The 53-year-old star of blockbusters such as "Pulp Fiction," "Saturday Night Fever" and "Grease," told the latest edition of Parade Magazine due out Sunday that his whole family had adopted the lifestyle to maintain their privacy.

I guess maintaining privacy trumps maintaining sanity. Just keep an eye on the Travolta clan over there, they start drinking blood better stock up on the garlic.

"We're like the Addams family or the Munsters, living sort of an odd, nocturnal life," Travolta told the magazine.

Wonderful. Just the sort of crazy bullshit flying out of the west coast of the United States these days.

Fresh fighting breaks out in Gaza

Fresh fighting? How can it be fresh if it never stopped in the first place?

At least 14 people have died in clashes between rival Palestinian groups Fatah and Hamas, despite the declaration of a new ceasefire.

I am truly left to wonder if anyone in Palestine acutally can comprehend the idea of a ceasefire. See, to me, a ceasefire means a cease to violence. Obviously over there in the Holy Land they have another idea. What it is I have no idea.

Three Fatah supporters were killed in a gun battle inside a hospital in the town of Beit Hanoun.

Well if you're going to get shot, get shot in a hospital.

In Gaza City, three members of one family, all of them Hamas supporters, were shot dead.

Now all Israel has to do is sit back and relax. I love it when the nutcases kill each other.

Fatah says one of its senior militants Jamal Abu al-Jedian was among those targeted by gunmen who shot him 41 times in his hospital bed in Beit Hanoun. His brother was later found dead, Fatah said.

41 times in a hospital bed. Jeez, all you have to do is pull the plug out of the wall.

Sunday Sign of Hope June 10th 2007

Solider In Iraq Attends Son's Birth Via Webcam

Finally somthing good comes from all this technology. From WNBC:

Emily Childers said she couldn't imagine the moment without her husband, Brock.

Minutes before birth, the baby responded to his Daddy's voice, which was coming all of the way from Iraq.

"I sure wish I could be there to hold her hand and help her through her contractions," Brock Childers said.

Emily Childers said she wished he was there, too. The family was growing from four to five members.

"At least I can talk to him in real time and see him." Emily Childers said.

A nurse said it was the first webcam birth at Sky Ridge Hospital in Lone Tree, Colo.

When the moment finally came, Brock Childers coached his wife from the computer screen.

"Come on, hon, push," he said. "Push hard. Eight, nine, 10. I see you, hon, don't worry. Oh, there is the baby! Oh my gosh!"

The moment the baby took his first breath was also transmitted halfway around the Earth.

"We've got a boy?" Brock Childers said. They did.

Baby Childers weighed 6 pounds, 13 ounces and was 19.5 inches long. He didn't have a name just yet.

"I can see everything," Brock Childers said through the speakers. "But I sure wish I was there. There is nothing replacing being there. I can't wait to get home."

For One Visit, Bush Will Feel Pro-US Glow

Someone likes us? Really?

The highlight of President Bush’s European tour may well be his visit on Sunday to Albania, one of the few places left where he can bask in unabashed pro-American sentiment without a protester in sight.

Albania? Man, why couldn't it be somewhere worth visiting?

Americans here are greeted with a refreshing adoration that feels as though it comes from another time.

Really? What time was that and how far did I miss it by?

“Albania is for sure the most pro-American country in Europe, maybe even in the world,” said Edi Rama, Tirana’s mayor and leader of the opposition Socialists. “Nowhere else can you find such respect and hospitality for the president of the United States. Even in Michigan, he wouldn’t be as welcome.”

Well, no one's really welcome in Michigan. For all you non-Americans out there, we here in the US hate Michigan. We just let it tag along cause we like the lake. Sometimes when we're too tired to move we send Michigan out on a food run and then make fun of it while it's gone.

Thousands of young Albanians have been named Bill or Hillary thanks to the Clinton administration’s role in rescuing ethnic Albanians from the Kosovo war. After the visit on Sunday, some people expect to see a rash of babies named George.

So Albania's like a country full of a spooky stalker-like society. Interesting.

Paris Hilton Sent Back to Jail in Hysterics

The saga continues. As much as I'd like to gloat in Paris Hilton's misery, I'm left to weep for this fucked up justice system we have. She should have went to prison, served her sentence and been released. She may be rich but she is human, I think, and throwing people into an emotional rollercoaster like this is cruel and unusual. Oh well...shit happens.

She was taken handcuffed and crying from her home. She was escorted into court disheveled, without makeup, hair askew and face red with tears. Crying out for her mother when she was ordered back to jail, Paris Hilton's cool, glamorous image evaporated Friday as she gave the impression of a little girl lost in a merciless legal system.

Sad. Maybe next time when you get drunk you should use a few of those billions to spring for a cab.

"It's not right!" shouted the weeping Hilton. "Mom!" she called out to Kathy Hilton, who also was in tears.

It is right Paris. Welcome to the real world most of us live in. Enjoy your stay.

The 26-year-old hotel heiress tried to move toward her parents but was firmly steered away by two sheriff's deputies, who held her by each arm and hustled her from the courtroom.

Although deep down I think I might have some shred of sympathy for Paris, or maybe I have indigestion, I can't help but smile at the fact that she is getting what she deserves and, for once, her money is useless. Miss Hilton is learning an important lesson here and that is that you pay for the choices you make. Just like everyone else. Whether she takes the lesson to heart remains to be seen.

Paris Hilton Leaves Jail Early for Home Lockup

Bullshit.

After only three days behind bars, Paris Hilton traded a 12-by-8-foot cell for her 2,700-square-foot Hollywood Hills home when she was released early Thursday because of an unspecified medical condition.

Too sick for prison, that's a first. If anyone thinks for a second this isn't favortism for the rich and special privledged then you should be bashed in the face with heavy mining equipment. I wonder how many "poor" prisoners get to go home cause they don't feel well?

Hilton will be under home confinement, wearing an electronic monitoring ankle bracelet, for the remaining 40 days of her sentence for violating probation in a reckless driving case.

Not so bad when your house is bigger than most towns. This is bullshit. Why am I so mad at this? It's not because the spoiled bitch got her way AGAIN and it's not so much that it's definitive proof of the age-old idea that money can get you out of trouble. It's more that the powers that be have the fucking nerve to play it off like it's not. Like I'm going to believe for a fucking second that little Miss Hilton went home because of a medical issue and not because of the money in her parents pockets. Give us some credit assholes.

The celebrity inmate was sent home from the L.A. County jail's Lynwood lockup shortly after 2 a.m., a stunning reduction to a sentence that already had been cut from 45 to 23 days because of "good behavior." Another two days were lopped off the original 45 since she checked in late Sunday and left early Thursday, earning credit for five days served.

In light of these developments, I say cut the sentences of all parole violaters across our country in half. That'd be fair then right?

No details were available on the nature of Hilton's medical condition.

Extreme stupidity? Funny, she must have one of those medical conditions that doesn't effect staying out late and drinking, drugging, having sex on camera and driving intoxicated but seems to only manifest when she's in a situation where she's not happy.

The decision to release Hilton was made by Sheriff Lee Baca, according to the Probation Department. A deputy at the sheriff's information bureau said there would be no comment.

All I want to know is how much money he made in making that decision. The people of the US should rise up and throw Paris Hilton into a lake.

Woman faced jail time for 'staring' at a police dog

Good thing she didn't try and pet it or they would of shot her in the face.

A woman facing jail time for "staring" at a police dog had charges against her dropped Monday after an Orange County prosecutor viewed videotape of the alleged crime. Jayna Hutchinson, now of Lebanon, N.H., was scheduled for a jury trial this week on a misdemeanor charge of cruelty to animals.

So when did staring at a dog become cruelty to animals? So I guess this means stroking a dog's back is animal molestation.

A Vermont State Police sergeant said Hutchinson was intoxicated and stared at his police dog in a "taunting/harassing manner" last July while officers were in the process of investigating a reported melee outside a West Fairlee establishment.

How does one exactly stare in a "taunting and harassing manner"? Especially when you're drunk. When I'm drunk I usually stare at things in the hopes that it will stop spinning.

"Prosecuting a woman for staring at a police dog is absurd," said Kelly Green, a public defender appointed by Vermont District Court in Orange County to represent Hutchinson. She likened the act to giving a police officer the finger – a form of expression protected by rights accorded under the First Amendment.

I'm not sure what's more sad. That a woman was facing jail time for staring at a police dog or that this actually warranted a discussion about whether or not she should.

Iran warns West not to 'play with a lion's tail'

Ok, good advice although I don't see the connection to Iran's nuclear ambitions.

As Iran's top nuclear negotiator met the German foreign minister here, the Iranian president warned the United Nations Security Council on Tuesday against imposing more sanctions over its nuclear work, saying it was like "playing with a lion's tail."

Great, you know it's only a matter of time now before Ahmadinejad bites somebody and has to be put down.

The meeting in Berlin between the Iranian negotiator, Ali Larijani, and Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier, coming two weeks after a negative UN nuclear watchdog report on Iran that could trigger tougher sanctions, ended without any sign of a breakthrough.

Trust me, whenever two people named Ali and Frank-Walter are in the same room you're going to accomplish absolutely fucking nothing.

Asked whether progress had been made in his meeting with Larijani, Steinmeier replied: "I cannot say that." He added: "I cannot tell you whether we will come to a result."

"I can tell you he threatened to break my glasses if I played with the bulls' balls. Not sure what that means."

Bush: Cold War is over

I'm glad you caught up with the rest of us Mr. President.

US President George W. Bush accused Russia of backsliding on democratic reforms, but promised President Vladimir Putin he had nothing to fear from a US missile defense shield in Europe. "The Cold War is over," Bush said.

Yeah, well, supposedly Custer had nothing to fear from the Native Americans at Little Big Horn and we all know how that turned out. Pst...Custer got killed Mr. President.

"Russia is not our enemy," Bush said Tuesday as relations between Washington and Moscow fell deeper into an icy chill with Putin's threat to retarget rockets at Europe.

Not yet but keep running your mouth and see what happens.

The accusations and finger pointing created a tense atmosphere for the annual summit of leaders of the world's most prosperous nations, beginning Wednesday in the Baltic Sea resort of Heiligendamm, Germany.

Anyone notice that getting world leaders together is almost just like 1st grade recess?

In Vermont, nascent secession movement gains traction

Really? Vermont wants to seceed? But where will all the skiers go?

At Riverwalk Records, the all-vinyl record store just down the street from the state Capitol, the black "US Out of Vt.!" T-shirts are among the hottest sellers.

That would be interesting. The US should grant Vermont sovereignty. Then, it can pull all funding. Everything that was built with State tax money goes. See how long that lasts.

But to some people in Vermont, the idea is bigger than a $20 novelty. They want Vermont to secede from the United States -- peacefully, of course.

That would be funny if it wasn't so fucking sad.

Disillusioned by what they call an empire about to fall, a small cadre of writers and academics is plotting political strategy and planting the seeds of separatism.

You'd think writers and academics would be smarter than to waste their fucking time with something so damn stupid.

Sunday Sign of Hope June 3rd 2007

Gaza women protest beheading threat

Nice to see Muslim women standing up for themselves. From The Jerusalem Post:

A group of female TV anchors marched through Gaza City on Sunday to protest a fundamentalist group's threat to behead them if they did not don modest Islamic dress.

Around 50 anchors and employees from government-run Palestine TV, mostly women wearing Muslim headscarves, marched from the station's offices in Gaza City toward the office of Palestinian Authority Chairman Mahmoud Abbas to protest the threat from a group calling itself the Swords of Truth, known for firebombing Internet cafes and record stores.

"We will cut throats, and from vein to vein, if needed to protect the spirit and morals of this nation," the shadowy group said in a statement e-mailed to news agencies on Friday. The statement accused the female anchors of being "without any ... shame or morals."

Most of the 15 female anchors on Palestine TV wear headscarves, in accordance with Islamic tradition. But they also wear makeup and Western clothing, which extremists consider immodest.

"Shame on you," said Sally Abed, a Palestinian news anchor, addressing the Islamist group. "The people working in this institution are your people - if it's not your sister, it's your mother."

In many parts of the Muslim world, conservative policies keep women out of the news anchor's seat or require them to wear headscarves on air.

Plot to blow up JFK airport thwarted

That's a funny word...thwarted. I bet someone with a stutter would have a great deal of trouble with that word. The same for the word specific too. I knew a kid when I was younger who had a stutter and one day he tried to say specific and it looked like he was having an anuerism. A friend of mine's girlfriend has a stutter and whenever she tries to say a word that starts with B she sounds like a motorboat. Poor girl, sometimes I feel bad cause one time I...oh, the article, right, let's get on with the news story.

FOUR terrorist suspects, including a former member of Guyana's parliament, have been arrested in connection with a "chilling" plot to blow up New York's John F Kennedy International Airport.

Former member of Guyana's parliament? Wow, the world really does hate us doesn't it?

The four, including a former cargo worker, have been charged with conspiring to attack the airport by planting explosives to ignite major jet fuel tanks and a pipeline, the US Justice Department said last night.

That's a very specific charge. Haha, there's that word again. You ever wonder what the difference is between a stutter and a lisp? Both cause an amazing amount of spitting. Oh, right, JFK almost go boom, lets get back to that.

Had it succeeded, a firestorm would have erupted at one of America's busiest airports.

I bet the word succeeded is a difficult word for people who stutter too. I wonder...crap, I'm just wandering today aren't I? Right, so I guess it's a good thing that these four morons got caught. Anyone want to bet their capture involved them talking a bit too much? That seems to be something terrorists can't contain, they get all happy and giddy about their "plots" they can't help but tell everyone. Unfortunately it usually makes its way back to the FBI who just don't like it when you try and blow something up in their country.

The alleged plotters, whose conversations were recorded as part of the investigation into the plot, claimed the attack would have been bigger than the events of September 11, 2001, which killed 2,800.

So I guess September 11th set the bar for terrorist attacks. Everyone's trying to top it. Not going to happen though. We're watching you. And since you can't seem to shut the fuck up when you devise a plan, most of you don't make it passed that "planning" stage. I guess the Koran doesn't tell you to keep your mouth shut.

The plot was foiled well before it came to fruition. "There is no threat to air safety or the public related to this plot," FBI spokesman Richard Kolko said in Washington.

Well I for one would like to take a moment to thank the FBI. Good work. Thank you for stopping these pieces of shit from blowing up our airport.

The plan had been to set off explosives in a fuel line that feeds John F Kennedy International Airport and runs through residential neighbourhoods. The pipeline takes fuel from a depot in Linden, New Jersey, to the airport.

Why not just draw a map assholes?

Sunni revolt against al-Qaida spreads

See there's only so much killing of their own people that the Sunni's will tolerate. Seems their limit is around 600,000.

An al-Qaida-linked suicide bomber struck a safehouse occupied by an insurgent group that has turned against the terror network. Friday's attack northeast of Baghdad killed two other militants, police said, the latest sign that an internal Sunni power struggle is spreading.

Insurgents killing insurgents? Well, I, I'm...ah...I'm just so happy.

"Al-Qaida fighters and leaders have completely destroyed Amariyah," said Abu Ahmed, a 40-year-old Sunni father of four who said he joined in the clashes. "No one can venture out, and all the businesses are closed. They kill everyone who criticizes them and is against their acts even if they are Sunnis."

It took you awhile but welcome back to our planet. Now, if you'll join the rest of us in trying to bring some sort of, I don't know, CIVILITY to that reason over there it would be appreciated.

Other residents, who spoke on condition of anonymity because they feared retribution, said the clashes began after al-Qaida militants abducted and tortured Sunnis from the area. That prompted a large number of residents, including many members of the rival Islamic Army armed with guns and rocket-propelled grenades, to rise up against the terror network. U.S. forces joined them in the fighting Wednesday and Thursday.

You know, one really good placed missile could end a lot of this nonsense. Not that I'm promoting violence I just, well, yea, I guess I am. Fuck it.