British cops foil plot to behead soldier, 9 held

While America is busy investigating a Cartoon Network stunt that scared the shit out of millions, Britain is budy stopping real terrorism.

British counter-terrorism police arrested nine men in an alleged kidnapping plot in Birmingham on Wednesday, police said. The men planned to behead a British Muslim soldier and broadcast the act on the Internet, Sky News reported.

Well done over there. Must be nice to live in a country where the authorities catch the bad guys.

The men arrested were accused of committing, preparing or instigating terrorism, police said.

Yeah, planning to kidnap and behead someone in a video for the internet should be illegal.

Mysterious Devices Cause Boston Panic

One day while I was working, the police pulled into our buildings parking lot like there was a hostage situation I was unaware of. Watching closely by the window, I spied the officers, covered in bomb squad gear, approach a suspicious garbag bag on the side of the building. Seems that one of the employees saw the suspicious garbage bag and phoned the authorities to report the suspicious package. I held my breath while the package was investigated and confirmed to contain...garbage. See, there was work being down to the roof and the garbage was foolishly being placed into garbage bags. I have a feeling that's more likely what is happening here.

Boston police are investigating several mysterious devices found Wednesday throughout the city, whose presence gripped the entire city. While Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick labeled bomb threats that accompanied the devices a "hoax," bomb squads remained cautious as they investigated the wired devices that resembled circuit boards, the Boston Herald reported.

Computer garbage mistaken for bombs? That's reasonable. But you forget, this is America, and nothing in America can happen without extreme stupidity being involved. Observe.

In an e-mailed statement circulated to the media, the Cartoon Network, owned by Time Warner, acknowledged placing several devices containing magnetic lighting circuitry along Boston's major thoroughfares are as part of a promotional campaign of its animated show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." The network added it was sorry for confusion the devices caused.

Interesting commerical. Maybe we should have some staged hostage situations to promote the show "24" or even better, Fox has that show "Jail Break" let's let some of those prisoners out to boost ratings.

Suicide blast kills 3 at Israeli bakery

Oh those brownies sure do look good but I'm on a diet and those will go straight to my thighs if I even think about...KA-BOOM!

A young Palestinian set off an explosives-laden backpack in a bakery in the Red Sea resort of Eilat on Monday, killing himself and three other people in the first suicide attack against Israel in nine months.

Well, it was a nice run. That's why you should just enjoy plain old peaceful Qassam rocket barages while they last cause you never know when the suicide bombings are coming back.

The blast occurred far from Eilat's beachfront hotel strip, a popular tourist destination, thanks to a coolheaded Israeli army reserve officer.

Fucking coolheaded army officers, all coolheaded and not panicking, always fucking everything up.

He had unwittingly agreed to drive the hitchhiking bomber toward the city but had become suspicious and dropped him on a remote bypass road.

"So, whatcha got their in the backpack?"
"A bomb."
"Well...I'll drop ya off here then."

As police summoned by the officer closed in, the backpacker walked to a poor neighborhood, entered the only shop open, and ignited 33 pounds of explosives, officials said.

Should of just shot him.

The 9:36 a.m. blast killed the Lechamim Bakery's two owners and an employee, the only other people inside.

Good thing it was a poor neighborhood or more people would have been killed.

AIDS rising among S.Africa's rich, best-educated

And here I was thinking that the rich and well educated reproduced through telekinesis.

South Africa's AIDS epidemic, often regarded by health workers as a disease of the poor, is in fact spreading quickly among the country's richest and best educated people, researchers said on Tuesday.

That's cause the rich fuck the poor, in more ways than one.

"The high risk group is growing, it is getting older and it is getting richer," said Carel van Aardt, director of UNISA's Bureau of Market Research. "This could represent a whole new wave of the epidemic."

It's almost as if the virus doesn't care who it infects.

South Africa now has some 5.5 million HIV-positive people out of a total population of some 45 million, giving it an estimated overall prevalence rate of about 11 percent and one of the worst AIDS caseloads in the world.

Oh, I call dibs on a coastal city when everybody's dead.

Researchers said there were many possible factors behind the spread of HIV among upper levels of society, among them confused government messages about HIV/AIDS, greater disposable income and leisure, and general apathy about safe sex practices.

Oh please, it's plain stupidity and "it won't happen to me" attitude. Does everyone in South Africa need us to hold their hands and tell them "no, no that's bad" when they're doing something stupid? If you have sex without protection, you're risking getting AIDS. If you get AIDS, you're going to die. There, if you don't understand that consider yourself lucky if someone fucks you anyway.

UK X-Ray Spies to see you Nude

So where do I sign up?

British officials are set to take the first steps in a controversial security plan aimed at placing X-ray surveillance cameras on area lampposts.

Great, so there you are walking down the street and BAM, not only are nude pictures going to be snapped of you, exposing your...um...short-comings, but now you're infertile as well. Thanks guys.

The Sun newspaper said that leaked Home Office documents revealed the proposal for the heightened security measure and British government officials are now preparing for a public backlash.

Don't you guys have any other technology that can find bombs and weapons without seeing us naked? I mean seriously, I don't even like to see myself naked. It's a sight I wouldn't wish on anybody.

"The social acceptability of routine intrusive detection measures and the operational response required in the event of an alarm are likely to be limiting factors," the memo said. "Privacy is an issue because the machines see through clothing."

This is horrible, reprehensible, disgusting and demeaning. Where can I buy one?

Sunday Sign of Hope January 28th 2007

Iran Says It Will Allow Nuclear Inspection

This is a stretch but its the best I could do. Not much good around out there.

From Playfuls.com:

Iran's foreign ministry spokesman said Sunday the country will cooperate with the International Atomic Energy Agency, despite earlier kicking out inspectors.

"Signatories to the Non-Proliferation Treaty have the right not to accept certain IAEA inspectors and replace them with others," Mohammad-Ali Hosseini said at his weekly press conference, IRNA, the Islamic Republic News Agency Reported.

The Fars News Agency reported that two IAEA inspectors arrived in Iran on Saturday for a one-week visit. The inspectors are scheduled to visit the Isfahan plant, the Natanz enrichment facility and Arak's heavy water installations, a source told Fars. Iran recently barred 38 IAEA inspectors from its nuclear sites.

Tens of Thousands March Against Iraq War

They'll need a lot of port-a-potties.

Convinced this is their moment, tens of thousands in Washington marched Saturday in an anti-war demonstration linking military families, ordinary people and an icon of the Vietnam protest movement in a spirited call to get out of Iraq.

In this "war on terror" we must realize that the face of our planet has changed and most probably on a permenant basis. Do I agree with the Iraq war? No, I'd have to say I don't anymore. At one time I was very much for the Iraq war. I was still angry about Sept. 11th and I believed what my government told me. While I'm still angry about Sept. 11th, moreso than most people I know who seem to have VERY short memories, I can't help but see this "war on terror" for what it really is. This is Islam's crusades. Almost all religions at one time or another have a period of time where they think the rest of the world should believe what they believe. It's the "one true religion" idea. It doesn't work.
Pakistan's providing refuge for the Taliban, al-qaeda leadership is still operational, Iran's going to blow something up at some point and Iraq is a mess. What Islam doesn't understand is this. While I don't believe we will ever strike down fanatical Islam, they don't realize that Islam will never be a globally accepted faith. Just as they fight to protect their beliefs, the other faiths will do the same. There are two things in this world people will die for, faith and money.
Do I think we should cut and run in Iraq? No. Why? Maybe it's a sense of pride in my country but moreso I think that if we do, we've caused irreversible harm to a region that is already off-the-charts out of control. This needs to be treated for what it is and that is a World War. Until other western countries and non-Islamic states realize that this is not between the US and Islam and start getting involved, we postpone the inevitable. If the US was out of Iraq, would terror stop? If the US was destroyed tomorrow, would suicide bombers stay out of the subway systems in London, stop rioting in the streets of Paris, stop bombing Madrid, Pakistan, Philippines, Russia, Israel? Do you think that Australia, Italy, Germany would cease to be targets of terrorism? Is the Iraq war wrong? Yeah, probably. But if you think for a second that the Iraq war or the ousting of the Taliban in Afghanistan created terrorism one only has to look to the past. It's been there, was always there. They were the skirmishes before the war.
Whehter you are for the war or against the war, the war is on and it's not stopping anytime soon. So you can march and protest and scream and shout all you want. Hell, I hope we do get out of Iraq soon. I would love to see our troops come home. Unfortunately, they'll be needed soon enough, somewhere else where Muslim fanatics are blowing stuff up. It's a shame people won't realize that until something horrible happens. Again.

Bush denies preparing attack against Iran

Of course he's not preparing an attack against Iran. He seems to like the heading in without a plan or strategy tactic to warfare.

George W. Bush on Friday sought to deny widespread rumours his administration was preparing some kind of military action against Iran. Mr Bush confirmed a report in Friday’s Washington Post that he had authorised US troops to shoot and kill Iranian operatives in Iraq, but denied this was a prelude to stronger action.

We're not taking military action against Iran, we just said it was okay for US troops to shoot Iranians. Wait a second...

“We believe we can solve our problems with Iran diplomatically,” said the US president.

And by shooting them.

“It makes sense that if somebody is trying to harm our troops, or stop us from achieving our goal, or killing innocent citizens in Iraq, that we will stop them.”

Harming our troops, not achieving our goal, killing innocent civilians in Iraq? This sure sounds a lot like the Bush administation doesn't it?

Terror Suspect Hurt in Philippine Raid

What's more uncomfortable than trying to evade capture or death by a military search team in the jungles of the Philippines? Trying to evade capture or death by a military search team in the jungles of the Philippines with a bullet lodged in your abdomen.

Top Indonesian terror suspect Dulmatin was wounded in an army commando raid last week that killed an al-Qaida-linked Filipino leader on a southern Philippine island, an army official said Thursday.

Abu Sayyaf leader Khadafi Janjalani was shot in the throat in Sept. of 2006. They found his body at the end of Dec. in a shallow grave. Perhaps we will find Dulmatin sometime at the end of April.

Abu Sayyaf leader Jainal Antel Sali Jr., known by his nom de guerre Abu Sulaiman, was shot and killed during the Jan. 16 clash.

Reports say he was shot while going to the bathroom. Talk about getting caught with your pants down...haha...that was probably inappropriate.

Iran: Israel, US will soon die

Avenge us Canada! Avenge Us!!

Israel and the United States will soon be destroyed, Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Tuesday during a meeting with Syria's foreign minister, the Islamic Republic of Iran Broadcasting (IRIB) website said in a report.

We're the ones who already have the nuclear weapons Mahmoud, I think you have this backwards.

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad… assured that the United States and the Zionist regime of Israel will soon come to the end of their lives," the Iranian president was quoted as saying.

Does he have a habit of saying his own name as he speaks? " Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad...really craving a cheese sandwich right now. With lettuce and mayo. On rye."

Near-Decapitated Diver Pokes Shark In Eye

I'd say the shark still won that encounter.

A diver escaped a 10-foot shark's attack by poking the animal in its eye after it had already chomped on his head once and was preparing for another bite, witnesses and officials said Tuesday.

And most people would give up after a shark eats their head. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there. Never give up...and don't go swimming.

Eric Nerhus, 41, was flown to a hospital with serious injuries to his head, body and left arm after the attack Tuesday off Cape Howe, about 250 miles south of Sydney. The shark grabbed Nerhus by the head, crushing his face mask and breaking his nose, said Dennis Luobikis, a fellow diver who witnessed the attack.

Maybe the shark mistook him for a zombie and anyone who has seen a zombie film knows full well you go for the head.

"He was actually bitten by the head down — the shark swallowed his head," Luobikis said. The shark, believed to be a great white, came back for a second bite, clenching its jaws around Nerhus' torso and leaving deep lacerations in his side, said Luobikis.

Wonder how many times he shit himself.

Nerhus wrestled free of the shark's jaws, and later told rescue workers he had poked the shark in the eye, spokeswoman Debbie Lowry of the Snowy Hydro Rescue Helicopter service told local media.

Leaving the shark to explain to his other friend sharks that, even though he has a black eye now, "you should see the other guy".

Nerhus was pulled from the water by his 25-year-old son and rushed to a hospital, suffering blood loss and shock.

Shock? Really?

Israel's President to be Indicted on Rape Charges

Well at least Bush hasn't done that.

Israel's attorney general says he plans to indict President Moshe Katsav, Israel's ceremonial head of state, on charges of rape and abuse of power.

That's it, I'm building a bunker and I'm not coming out until all you people go away.

Israel's attorney general, Meni Mazus, says he has notified President Katsav that he will be indicted on charges of rape and other crimes against female employees of the president's office.

"Yes sir Mr. President, you're fucked. See you tomorrow. Bye bye."

The charges, some of the most serious ever faced by an Israeli politician, stem from complaints made by at least four women who worked for Mr. Katsav. Police say the charges are based on interviews with at least 10 women.

What'd they build a rape robot over there?

Israel's attorney general says he has collected enough evidence to indict the president on other charges - such as obstruction of justice and receiving illegal gifts.

Receiving illegal gifts? That's an interesting way of saying rape.

Bush Readies State of the Union Speech

Comedians ready your pens.

In his first State of the Union address to a Democratic-controlled Congress, President Bush will urge that gasoline consumption be slashed by 20 percent, the White House said, and try to dissuade lawmakers ready to resist his Iraq war buildup.

After Sept. 11th here in the US, Bush had us all on his side. He had the unquestionable support of the American people. I can still remember the days after the attack, remember the American people calling for revenge, for blood, for justice. I remember people calling for the invasion and bombing of any country that had a mass population of brown people. In those days it didn't matter whether it were Sunni or Shiite, we wanted blood and we wanted vengence. Funny how things change over the course of time. Bush had us all in his hands and he fucked it up. Almost six months later, aside from small progress made here and there, we have not gotten our revenge, justice has not been served and we are stuck in a war that had nothing to do with Sept. 11th. Bush had the chance to be one of the most popular Presidents in American history. Now, he will go down as one of the worst. And the worst thing about this is, when he is out of office, the shockwaves from his actions will be felt for decades. We dragged in other countries to our mess like Britain and Australia. Watching this State of the Union speech will be like watching someone pass away from cancer.

In Tuesday night's address before a joint session of Congress, Bush was not expected to rehash the speech he gave less than two weeks ago laying out his revamped war plan. Instead, he was expected to argue anew that success in Iraq is indispensable in efforts to make Americans safer in the era of terrorism.

Have you ever been in the middle of doing something, anything, when it dawns on you that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea? You think to yourself, "Man, I shouldn't be doing this but it's too late now". That's where we are as a country now.

Group Says al-Qaida No. 2 Mocks Bush

Yeah...who doesn't? It's just so damn easy.

Al-Qaida's deputy leader mocked President Bush's plan to send 21,000 more troops to Iraq, challenging him to send "the entire army" and vowing insurgents will defeat them, according to a new videotape released Monday by a U.S. group that tracks al-Qaida messages.

Big talk from a man in hiding. And don't start acting like you had anything to do with the situation in Iraq. That's all us. We fucked that one up ourselves thank you very much.

The Washington-based SITE Institute said it had intercepted the video from Ayman al-Zawahri, which had not yet been posted on Islamic militant Web sites, where his messages are usually posted. SITE did not elaborate on how it received the message.

It's shit like this that always makes me think we know exactly where these fucks are.

Al-Zawahri said the U.S. strategy for Iraq, outlined by Bush in a Jan. 9 speech, was doomed to fail.

Of yeah...well...yeah...you're probably right. But...fuck you.

"I ask him, why send 20,000 (troops) only _ why not send 50 or 100 thousand? Aren't you aware that the dogs of Iraq are pining for your troops' dead bodies?" said al-Zawahri in the footage released by SITE, which assesses and analyzes intelligence related to terrorism.

Cause we don't have 50 thousand troops. Hah, so there.

Sunday Sign of Hope January 21st 2007

N.Korea 'Ready to Suspend Nuclear Activities'

Could this be progress? From Chosun:

North Korea has reportedly agreed to halt nuclear activities including operations at a reactor in Yongbyon, and allow on-site monitoring by the International Atomic Energy Agency as the first steps to abandoning its nuclear program. The agreement came during a meeting of the chief nuclear negotiators of the U.S. and North Korea that ended Friday in Berlin, sources said.

According to diplomatic sources in Seoul and Beijing, North Korea¡¯s top nuclear envoy Kim Kye-gwan told his U.S. counterpart Christopher Hill that North Korea will yield in return for economic and energy aid from the U.S. and assurances that the U.S. will seek to unfreeze North Korea¡¯s US$24 million in accounts with the Macau-based Banco Delta Asia.

The U.S. will discuss conditions for the lifting of financial sanctions in separate bilateral talks scheduled this month. The North is expected to implement its part of the deal once it is finalized in the next round of the six-nation nuclear talks, which are likely to resume early next month.

Missing Mo. boy called police about bike

"Oh and by the way, I've been kidnapped. But find my bike."

Ten months after Shawn Hornbeck's disappearance, he spoke with police to report his bike had been stolen but gave no clue that he was a missing child, a newspaper reported Saturday.

"Oh man, and my new Daddy from the gray van just stole that bike for me."

That apparently was the first of two encounters Shawn had with police after his 2002 disappearance, The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported. The boy also may have placed a message on the Web site created by his parents during their search for him.

This may sound horrible but in a few years his parents are going to start wishing he had stayed lost. Seriously, that is a whole new side of stupidity I haven't seen before.

Shawn was missing more than four years before he was discovered Jan. 12 with 13-year-old Ben Ownby, who had been reported missing four days earlier. Michael Devlin, 41, has pleaded not guilty to kidnapping Ben and has been charged with kidnapping Shawn.

It's tough to explain how two missing children wind up in your home. Unless you're Michael Jackson. Oh, lowblow!

Chinese missile test prompts concerns

Why doesn't every country in the world have one collective missile test to get it all out of our systems. With any luck, an alien race may see the fireworks and Earth may become an inter-galatic tourist attraction. Think of all the alien currency. Or maybe they'll just destroy us. Either way, I'm happy.

Some Western countries and Japan are protesting China's test of an anti-satellite missile, but Beijing is denying any knowledge of the incident.

Must of been one of those random natural missiles shot into space.

The U.S., Britain, Australia, Japan and South Korea are concerned about the test, which apparently took place Jan. 11.

I'm concerned too. I have Sirius radio and if one of those missiles takes out my radio stations I'm going to be pissed.

Wire services reported that Canada had also protested, but a spokesman for the Department of Foreign Affairs could not confirm that on Friday morning.

Canada's so cute. Even when they protest, no one notices.

No-spank bill on way

This is going to be stupid.

The California state Legislature is about to weigh in on a question that stirs impassioned debate among moms and dads: Should parents spank their children?

Yes, yes they should. In fact, I believe parents should do more than spank their children. I know when I was a child, the threat of the physical violence my mother was capable of kept my little ass in line.

Assemblywoman Sally Lieber, D-Mountain View, wants to outlaw spanking children up to 3 years old. If she succeeds, California would become the first state in the nation to explicitly ban parents from smacking their kids.

First of all, who the fuck is going to know if you spank your children at home? Are we going to start taking a three-year old's word on whether or not their parents slapped their little asses? These are beings that believe a giant rabbit hides eggs in their house and leaves them chocolate. I don't think we should be giving them the benefit of the doubt. I can just see the threats flying already, "Mommy, if you don't buy me that Bratz doll, I'm gonna tell Mrs. Wupplestein at school that you spanked me."
Secondly, and much more importantly, as we get older, it's important to understand that people, in general, are capable of violent reactions. If I bug my mother to the breaking point and she don't lay my little ass out then imagine my surprise when I'm 16 and I start mouthing off to another teen and he knocks my teeth down the back of my throat. It's an important lesson to learn and I'd rather learn that people have breaking points from someone who loves me and is only mad at the moment rather than some teenager who is confused that his body is changing and he's seen one too many Halloween movies and played Halo and Grand Theft Auto for 28 hours straight.
Don't get me wrong, there's a BIG difference between a spanking and a vicious thrashing. Spanking is a tool. Beating is a crime.

Wanted terrorist killed in Philippine jungle

This guy was on the FBI's most wanted terrorist list. Maybe the world is just a tad bit safer now. Unless of course his successor is a raving, blood-thirsty lunatic. Keep your fingers crossed.

A militant leader linked to Al Qaeda and wanted in the beheading of a Californian tourist, was killed in a jungle battle, the Philippine army announced today. Jainal Antel Sali Jr., also known as Abu Solaiman, was reportedly attacked by special forces in a raid on an Abu Sayyaf hideout on Jolo Island, about 600 miles south of Manila.

You can run and you can hide from the US but eventually some other country's soldiers are going to kill you. We're not very good at catching people.

Sali was buried today on Jolo Island after relatives and friends identified the body. He had bullet hole in his chest and a piece of wood, about an inch long, embedded in his left cheek.

Wonder which one hurt more. As if it's not bad enough you get a bullet slammed through your ribcage, but a splinter too? Those hurt.

Sali was on the FBI's list of "Most Wanted Terrorists" and the State Department offered a reward of up to $5 million for his capture.

Well technically he wasn't captured but hey, that's just splitting hairs.

Somali Government Ends Ban on Radio Stations

Millions rock out to the same ten songs looped over and over and over.

Gen. Mohammed Warsame Farah, head of national security for Somalia’s transitional government, said that as long as broadcasters did not air false reports, they would be allowed to operate.

The ban was quickly reinstated when "Crazy" Mohammed claimed that one could escape a crocodile attack by running in a zig-zag pattern.

“They were releasing things that were not right,” Mr. Farah said after a meeting with several broadcasters.

The square root of 36001 is 251 not 252.

“Everything is settled now. We will work together.”

Translation: They will air what we tell them to air.

Blair warns against Scottish independence

I've seen Braveheart. Those people are crazy.

Prime Minister Tony Blair has warned against any bid to break Britain apart, saying it would be "a crazy" step 300 years after Scotland and England united.

Can't say I have much an opinion on this one. I thought Mel Gibson freed Scotland.

Blair's warning Tuesday came as the Scottish National Party (SNP) used the anniversary of their union to launch a fresh drive for independence, while some opinion polls suggested a majority of Scots and English want to separate.

"It's not you, it's me, I just think we should see other countries."

It would be "crazy for Scotland to be wrenched out of the United Kingdom" of Britain and Northern Ireland, he added, noting that 2.5 million Scots live in England, half Scotland's total. England's population is some 50 million.

If that's the case, then by those standards, Mexico is part of the US.

US Commander Warns of Long Struggle in Iraq

You think?

With the first wave of additional soldiers already arriving in Iraq to bolster a new campaign to secure this beleaguered capital city, the top American military commander warned that it could take months before there are any real signs of progress.

Well we've waited five years, what's another couple of months? You know, besides the hundreds of US soldiers going to lose their lives during that time span.

“As with any plan, there are no guarantees of success, and it’s not going to happen overnight,” said Gen. George Casey. “But with sustained political support and the concentrated efforts on all sides I believe that this plan can work.”

That's the trick though ain't it? That whole "concentrated efforts on all sides" part.

Young mother dies after radio station contest

This was just bound to happen sooner or later. With all our reality TV shows and people doing crazy shit for rewards or just their 15 minutes of fame, it was only a matter of time before someone bought the farm trying to make enough money to buy a farm.

A 28-year-old mother of three died from water intoxication hours after competing in a radio station contest to see which contestant could drink the most water without urinating, according to preliminary autopsy results.

Did she win at least?

Jennifer Lea Strange was found dead by a family member in her Rancho Cordova, Calif., home around 2 p.m. Sacramento County Assistant Coroner Ed Smith said Strange's mother and husband told coroner's officials the young woman had taken part in a radio contest that morning that was based on drinking large amounts of water.

I was unaware that water could be poisonous. Water intoxication huh? Interesting. From now on I'm only drinking whiskey, to be safe.

The winner of the contest reportedly won a new video game system.

So you risk your life for a video game system. You know, here in America, we're really not far away from feeding people to lions like the Romans. I don't know if it's worth a Nintendo Wii to jump over a flaming pit into a vat of water filled with alligators. If I want to be on TV that bad I'll rob a bank.

Smith described the amount of water Strange drank as "excessive.''

Well I would think so if it killed her. If she had only drank two glasses I'd start to wonder.

Two Saddam Aides Executed; One Beheaded

Boy, good thing we saved all those nice people in Iraq from that evil dictator. I think, with each passing day, I'm starting to see why Saddam was so damn brutal.

The Iraqi government's attempt Monday to close a chapter on Saddam Hussein's repressive regime -- by hanging two of his henchmen -- only appeared to anger many of Saddam's fellow Sunni Muslims after the former leader's half brother was decapitated on the gallows.

Murphy's law at work right there. It doesn't really matter though. I'd say Sunni's in Iraq have met their "anger limitations". If they got any angrier they would be instantly transformed into beings consisting only of pure negative energy.

A thickset Barzan Ibrahim plunged through the trap door and was beheaded by the jerk of the thick beige rope at the end of his fall, in the same the execution chamber where Saddam was hanged a little over two weeks earlier.

That means the rope was too long. Or that his neck was too weak. Or both.

A government video of the hanging, played at a briefing for reporters, showed Ibrahim's body passing the camera in a blur. The body came to rest on its chest while the severed head lay a few yards away, still wearing the black hood pulled on moments before by one of Ibrahim's five masked executioners.

Execution accomplished.

The decapitation appeared inadvertent, and Iraqi officials seemed anxious to prove they hadn't mutilated Ibrahim's remains.

Yeah but you kind of did didn't you. Maybe you shouldn't have rushed executions with Samid the janiter tying the nooses. Perhaps you should do it like we do it here in the states and just jab them repeatedly in the arm with a needle filled with deadly poisons until the vein is finally puntured and they pass into the great beyond. You know, it's more humane.

While Ibrahim's body was wrenched apart by the execution, his co-defendant, Awad Hamed al-Bandar, head of Saddam's Revolutionary court, died as expected -- swinging at the end of a rope. Both men met death at 3 a.m. wearing reddish orange prison jumpsuits.

Well the suits were just orange before the hangings.

Sunday Sign of Hope January 14th 2007

Fifth gene identified in quest to stop Alzheimer's

From TimesOnline:

A new gene that causes Alzheimer’s disease when it malfunctions has been identified, suggesting new approaches to treating the incurable brain condition.

People who inherit a version of a gene known as SORL1 have a higher risk of developing late-onset Alzheimer’s. SORL1 appears to affect how beta amyloid proteins build up in brain cells, which is thought to be the chief cause of Alzheimer’s.

The Alzheimer’s Society said that the research, published in Nature Genetics, was an exciting development. Dementia is well known to be influenced by genetics, and previous research has identified four other genes that are linked to a higher risk. The best known, the apolipoprotein E — or ApoE — gene, comes in three varieties, of which ApoE4 makes people up to ten times more likely to develop Alzheimer’s.

ApoE4, however, is not carried by 60 per cent of Alzheimer’s patients, and scientists have long known that a complex of genes is likely to be involved in the disease. The new research, by a team led by Richard Mayeux, of Columbia University in New York, suggests that SORL1 is one.

Abducted Boys Rescued Near St. Louis

Finally a happy ending...with a twist.

Police and the FBI made a stunning discovery Friday in an apartment in a suburb of St. Louis. They found a 13-year old boy who had been missing for four days, and a 15-year old boy who had been missing for four years.

Keep searching that house. Perhaps the Holy Grail is in the bookcase.

Authorities say both teens appeared to be in good condition and were reunited with their families last night.

About time something good happened. Damn, I should have saved this story for the Sunday Sign of Hope.

Leftists fire rocket at US embassy in Greece

What'd we do to Greece?

Greek police authorities claim that a leftist organization is responsible for a morning rocket attack on the US Embassy in Athens. Referring to the attack as a “terrorist” incident, Greek police say that Revolutionary Struggle, a small leftist group, took responsibility for the blast that damaged the third floor of front of the building.

Not the third floor. Oh the humanity, and the poor cleaning crew.

Apparently launching a rocket from a nearby construction site, the terrorists managed to damage a third-floor lavatory.

Hey, easy on the tiolets there guys.

No injuries or deaths were reported.

Blair Says UK Must Be Ready to Use Military Force

Umm...aren't you currently using military force?

Prime Minister Tony Blair said Britain must remain prepared to go to war to defeat Islamic extremists and maintain the country's influence in the world.

Aren't there British troops in Afghanistan and Iraq? Someone remind Blair please. He seems to have had his memory reverted back to about five years ago.

The speech to military officials and analysts seeks to answer growing discontent with Blair's decision to back the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq and shore up support for a long war against terrorism.

I know that in these times it's unpopular to back the US in pretty much anything. But the time for questions has long passed. At this point, Britian is a target, probably more so than the US for simple accessibility. The fight is on. It's not stopping anytime soon. Questioning the move is understandable, but instead of questioning the past, we better start questioning the future.

While his foreign policy had been ``controversial,'' retreating from the threat of terrorism would be a ``catastrophe,'' Blair said.

I agree. Although I'd also add that the foreign policy has been a catastrophe.

Bangladesh President quits

Maybe he had a better offer.

THE US today called on the people of crisis-stricken Bangladesh to refrain from violence and adhere to the rule of law and human rights.

Please adhere to the laws of reason and common sense.

The call came after the country's President Iajuddin Ahmed buckled to massive opposition and international pressure and quit his role as head of an interim government and agreed to postpone disputed national elections.

This is truly an amazing time we are living in. It almost makes one wish for death. Every country on Earth has gone completely insane. We seem to be, as a species, de-evolving back into monkey's. It's quite a sight actually. I have a cyanide capsule ready for the minute the government figureheads start climbing trees and flinging poo.

His announcement today came hours after he declared a state of emergency in a bid to tackle worsening violence generated by opposition allegations that polls scheduled for January 22 would be rigged.

A lot of people ask, "If there was life on other planets, capable of visiting Earth, then why haven't they contacted us?". This is why.

Bush Works to Sell Troop Buildup Plan

So let me get this straight, in order to try to decrease US troop casualties in Iraq, you're sending more over there? That seems to me like the same strategy as giving teachers firearms to keep guns out of schools.

The Bush administration worked Thursday to persuade a skeptical Congress and American public to accept President Bush's troop buildup plan as the last best chance for reversing Iraq's slide.

"Please, please. please believe me!"

"We cannot afford to fail," said Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

No, the troops can't afford you to fail.
Bush's new strategy increases U.S. forces in Iraq by 21,500 and demands greater cooperation from the Iraqi government.

Yeah that'll work. The only thing you can expect from Iraq is chaos, pure and simple. Here's what you do, start pulling troops out. Show the Iraqi government that they better get their shit together because we ain't babysitting forever.

Somalia strike ‘missed al-Qaeda targets’

Why do you tease us?

The controversial US air strike in southern Somalia missed all three top al-Qaeda members Washington alleges are hiding out in the country, a senior US official said on Thursday.

Great, you know what, I don't even want to know what it did hit.

The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said eight to 10 “al-Qaeda affiliated terrorists” were killed in Monday’s attack, but gave no details.

So we got some but the big fish got away. So it's good news, but not as good as the good news from yesterday.

Somalis: US strike kills suspect in '98 embassy bombings

It may take nine years but the US eventually catches up to you. So, Osama, come 2010, you better watch your back.

A U.S.-led airstrike in Somalia has killed the suspected orchestrator of the 1998 U.S. embassy bombings in East Africa, Somali officials said Wednesday.

A Somali official said the United States confirmed that al Qaeda's Fazul Abdullah Mohammed was killed and no civilians were harmed. However, U.S. officials would not confirm to CNN that Mohammed was killed or that Americans were involved in the airstrikes.

Gas smell in NYC being investigated

NYC smells like gas? Must be all the gas.

Officials have ruled out terrorism as the cause of a mysterious gas odor that spread through Lower Manhattan and Jersey City early Monday.

Maybe it's the pollution? And someone tell me when does NYC not smell like gas? For all of you out there not lucky enough to wind up in New York City, it doesn't usually smell like flowers. Actually, a smell of gas is an improvement.

The Port Authority of New York and New Jersery, the New York City police and fire departments and various other city agencies are all currently investigating.

8 million people in NYC. Most need transportation. For those of them that don't want to get stabbed on the subway, they are forced to use vechiles that run on gas. I may have just solved the mystery.

In a morning press conference, Mayor Michael Bloomberg said that he believes the odor, which he identified as mercaptan -- a chemical added to natural gas -- is not "dangerous."

"But then again, what do I know?"

Democrats Push for Changes to No Child Left Behind Law

You now can leave a total of two children behind.

Democratic Congressional leaders on Monday called President Bush’s signature education law too punitive in its sanctions on public schools and pledged to increase educational spending, signaling the stance they will take this year in negotiations over the law’s renewal.

Yeah, just like they pledged a five-day work week for Congress.

The measure prods schools to improve students’ yearly achievement with the threat of sanctions and requires them to bring all students to grade level in reading and math by 2014.

Reading okay but math? That has numbers and stuff.

Bangor, Maine Makes It Illegal to Smoke in Cars

Okay, I can sort of go with you with the banning of smoking in public buildings but remind me now who exactly is at risk if I light up a cigarette in my car?

The Bangor City Council approved a measure Monday that prohibits people from smoking in vehicles when children are present.

Ah, it's all making sense now. You have to wait until you get home to smoke near children.

People who smoke with children present in the confined space of a car or truck might as well be deliberately trying to kill those children, said City Councilor Patricia Blanchette, who is a smoker.

And if I am?

"Let's step up to the plate and lead; our children are worth the fight," she said.

I don't know, ever heard one of them try to read?

Suzanne Somers' Home Destroyed In Malibu Wildfire

Oh no, where ever shall she go to build another mansion with her millions!

Suzanne Somers' home was one of four destroyed by a wind-driven wildfire that swept through an exclusive seaside neighborhood of multimillion-dollar homes, a spokesman confirmed Tuesday.

Mother Nature don't care how much money you have.

Firefighters were still at the scene watching for flareups Tuesday. In addition to those destroyed, four other houses were significantly damaged Monday, and one resident who was not identified was hospitalized for treatment of smoke inhalation.

I almost feel bad for those people. Then I remember how much money they have. Then I don't feel so bad anymore. It's not that I hate rich people or envy them or anything, it's more...well...no, nope that's exactly what it is.

U.S. Strikes Al Qaeda In Somalia

Here's hoping that some of those "more wanted" fellas are now no longer wanted.

A U.S. Air Force gunship has conducted a strike against suspected members of al Qaeda in Somalia, CBS News national security correspondent David Martin reports exclusively.
The targets included the senior al Qaeda leader in East Africa and an al Qaeda operative wanted for his involvement in the 1998 bombings of two American embassies in Africa, Martin reports. Those terror attacks killed more than 200 people.

Keeping my fingers crossed.

The AC-130 gunship is capable of firing thousands of rounds per second, and sources say a lot of bodies were seen on the ground after the strike, but there is as yet, no confirmation of the identities.

Well, someone's dead. Let's just hope it's the ones who deserve it.

US submarine collides with Japanese ship

Causing the biggest whiplash lawsuit in history.

A U.S. nuclear-powered submarine and Japanese merchant ship collided near the busy shipping lanes of the Straits of Hormuz, the U.S. Navy and Japanese government said Tuesday. No one was seriously injured.

Really? Is the ocean not big enough guys?

Damage to the fast-attack USS Newport News submarine and the tanker was light and there was no resulting spill of oil or leakage of nuclear fuel, officials from U.S. Navy, Japanese and Emirates government said.

Such much for the subtefuge of submarines.

Both ships remained able to navigate, said a Navy official in Japan who requested anonymity because the details of the incident had not yet been released.

When you grow up in the US, they teach you the about truimphs and amazing feats of honor and bravery and intelligence of the US armed forces. An American child is taught that their nation is one of the strongest forces on earth. Then you grow up and you realize that those same people who cut you off on the freeway, sue McDonalds for coffee being hot and need a warning label to not use hairspray internally are the same people driving the submarines, flying those helicopters and holding heavy-duty machine guns and suddenly, you don't feel as safe.

Sunday Sign of Hope January 7th 2007

Man Lost At Sea Is Recovered

From ABC News:

An American sailor who spent three days adrift after a storm dashed his round-the-world voyage was headed toward land Friday after being rescued in treacherous waters off the southern tip of South America.

"I'm OK," Ken Barnes told loved ones by satellite telephone.

Barnes, 47, waved as a navy plane guided the Polar Pesca 1 fishing vessel across calm waters. An inflatable boat with four men aboard approached his yacht early Friday some 500 miles from the western entry to the Straights of Magellan.

A Chilean navy plane spotted the crippled 44-foot ketch after Barnes fired a flare Wednesday evening. At first the pilots only saw the flare, then they spotted the sailor wearing a yellow jacket behind the splintered stub of a snapped mast.

The trawler was expected to reach land Sunday, and Barnes will be flown by helicopter to Punta Arenas, Chile's southernmost city. Family members said they expected him back home in Southern California by Wednesday.

"He is in good general condition, but the first thing upon his arrival will be a complete checkup at a hospital," said navy Capt. Ivan Valenzuela, maritime governor of Punta Arenas.

Barnes' only injury was a long gash in his right thigh, but Valenzuela said the wound had been treated and covered.

Aboard the fishing vessel, Barnes took a shower, ate soup and was treated by paramedics, said the ship's owner, ChilePesca, in an e-mail to The Associated Press. His family said he had gotten some sleep.

His yatch, the Privateer, was heavily damaged by a storm with strong winds and 40-foot waves that thwarted Barnes' attempt to become the first American to circumnavigate the world in a solo, nonstop voyage from the West Coast. He left California on Oct. 28.

After his rescue, Barnes spoke briefly to relatives gathered at his condo in Newport Beach, Calif. "I love you. I'm on the fishing boat headed for Punta Arenas, and I'm OK and everything's OK," he said in a calm voice.

His mother, 21-year-old twin daughters and longtime girlfriend huddled around the phone, trying to make out his words over a broken connection that lasted less than two minutes. "I've taken a shower and everything feels better," he told them.

Israel has plans for nuclear strike on Iran

And Iran probably has plans for a nuclear strike on Israel. Let's see who beats who to the punch.

Israel has drawn up secret plans to destroy Iran's uranium enrichment facilities with tactical nuclear weapons, the Sunday Times newspaper said.

Looks like my generation will get to see a nuclear explosion after all. You'd like to think the world learned after Hiroshima and Nagasaki but aparently we don't learn a damn thing.

Citing what it said were several Israeli military sources, the paper said two Israeli air force squadrons had been training to blow up an enrichment plant in Natanz using low-yield nuclear "bunker busters".

Thta should be just enough to send every Muslim in the Middle East into a frenzy. Anyone ever see the movie "28 Days Later"? It's going to be kind of like that.

Two other sites, a heavy water plant at Arak and a uranium conversion plant at Isfahan, would be targeted with conventional bombs, the Sunday Times said.

Good thing the media blew the whistle on this one. Now Iran can move their operations in time to protect their nuclear ambitions and use a nuclear weapon for terrorist purposes. Way to keep the world safe there media.

The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously last month to slap sanctions on Iran to try to stop uranium enrichment that Western powers fear could lead to making bombs. Tehran insists its plans are peaceful and says it will continue enrichment.

It may take a few months to a few years but I can foresee a mighty large explosion somewhere in Iran at some point.

Bush: No peace with Iran developing nuclear arms

I gave up on peace over five years ago. Now I just want personal quiet. Are nuclear bombs loud?

U.S. President George W. Bush on Thursday applauded German Chancellor Angela Merkel's support for U.N. Security Council sanctions against Iran, saying he did not see peace with Tehran developing nuclear weapons.

Does anyone see peace at all? I'm not saying that Iran should be allowed nuclear arms. I'm against that completely, especially after that whole call for Israel to be wiped off the map. But let's be honest with ourselves here people. There will be no peace. Ever. The only time there will be peace is when everyone is dead. Then it will be peaceful. And quiet.

Cleric killed as leaders in Gaza call for peace

The religion of peace just doesn't want to hear about it.

On the day that Palestinian leaders met to seek an end to factional fighting gunmen shot dead a Muslim cleric in Gaza. He was gunned down after delivering a sermon in which he too appealed for an end to the violence involving Fatah and Hamas militants.

That'll teach him to try and save his people. You've just got to love those Muslims over there. They just really don't give a shit how they're perceived at all. Yet, funny, they're the first ones to call foul when the world looks at them as violent.

He was not affiliated to either group. President Mahmoud Abbas of Fatah and the Hamas Prime Minister, Ismail Haniyeh, agreed to keep rival militants off the streets after clashes in which eight people were killed.

Another truce. Neat. This one should be over in three...two...one...

Woman's Bra Saves Her From Bullet

It's the new Victoria's Secret defensive line.

One woman discovered on New Year's Eve that her bra could do more than lift and support when a falling bullet was halted by the bra strap on her left shoulder.

There's luck and then there's LUCK. This is LUCK.

Debbie Bingham, 46, an Atlanta resident visiting family in St. Petersburg, said her gold bra slowed the falling bullet during the holiday celebrations.

As much as I'm interested in this bra, and trust me, bra's interest me a lot, I'm left to wonder more about the falling bullet.

Bingham says she was outside with her daughter and son, ringing in the New Year and viewing the local fireworks display when she felt a sharp pain in her left shoulder at 11:40 p.m.

Yup, first thing I do after being shot, I check the clock.

It was Bingham's daughter, Solanda Bingham, who first noticed the blood seeping through her mother's white shirt.

"Mommy, your shoulder just got its period."

Someone had fired a gun into the air and as the .45-caliber bullet fell back to earth, Bingham was struck. Kajtsa described the wound as a "big scratch with bruising."

What better way to ring in the new year than to put the neighbors in harms way. Luckily this guys New Year's resolution was to end up in prison.

2007 to be 'warmest on record'

Sure it is. When have these weather-perdicting people been wrong, except for the 2006 hurricane season, and the winter, and the previous summer, and almost on a daily basis. Even with Dopler 1,000,000 they have no idea what the fuck they are talking about.

An extended warming period, resulting from an El Nino weather event in the Pacific Ocean, will probably push up global temperatures, experts forecast.

But then again, probably not.

They say there is a 60% chance that the average surface temperature will match or exceed the current record from 1998.

60%? Well, that proves it. Listen, bother me about the weather when you're about 80% sure. That way I can laugh even harder when you're wrong.

Young Girl Facing Charges After Wetting Pants

...

A 12-year-old special education student in Montour County was charged with disorderly conduct after authorities said she deliberately wet her pants at school.

I take it that she was in special education because she was, well, special. Isn't that what special education is for, to teach children who need a seperate educational process because they are not capable of learning or acting like the other students? Are we going to start charging kids with being dyslexic or how about jail time for down syndrome?

Her mother told the Press Enterprise it happened because her daughter was frightened by the principal.

Like a puppy.

Her mother said when her daughter refused to go to the kitchen to wash some pots and pans, teachers summoned principal Kevin Duckwork, who confronted the girl.

That seems normal enough. No kid wants to do the dishes. Why are children washing pots and pans at school anyway? Don't they hire people to do that?

She then wet her pants.

TAKE THAT!

Her mother said the girl is terrified of Duckwork and has wet herself during previous confrontations with him. But Danville Police Chief Eric Gill said school officials are at their “wit’s end” with the girl, and they believe her actions were deliberate.

So the special school staff can't handle the kid with special needs. Nice bright future we've set for the children. The school systems in the US fail the children 90% of the time. Home school, home school, home school.

Saddam's execution cited in boy's accidental hanging death

Okay people, really, do we have to put a "Warning: do not attempt this at home" image over a video of a fucking execution? My God, you'd think that since the outcome of an execution is always DEATH, people would conclude that recreating the action at home would most probably have a similiar outcome.

Sergio Pelico, 10, was found dead Sunday in his apartment bedroom in the Houston-area city of Webster, said Webster police Lt. Tom Claunch. Pelico's mother told police he had previously watched a news report on Saddam's death.

Let's take a poll. How many of you watched the Saddam hanging video and thought, "Hey, I should try that."?

"It appears to be accidental," Claunch said. "Our gut reaction is that he was experimenting."

His experiment was a success.

He said Sergio had watched TV news with another uncle on Saturday and asked the uncle about Saddam's death. "His uncle told him it was because Saddam was real bad," Gustavo said. "He (Sergio) said, 'OK.' And that was it."

Look, I know this is touchy because the boy was young but you have to wonder about our parenting skills as a society when our children are mimicking Iraqi executions. Perhaps when we inform our kids of what happened to Saddam and why, we should add that it's not a good idea to do it yourself. Either that or take all the rope out of the house.

Mysterious Object Crashes Through Roof

Santa?

Authorities were trying to identify a mysterious metallic object that crashed through the roof of a house in eastern New Jersey.

What's to investigate? God's pissed, he's throwing rocks.

Nobody was injured when the golf-ball sized object, weighing nearly as much as a can of soup, struck the home and embedded itself in a wall Tuesday night. Federal officials sent to the scene said it was not from an aircraft.

It's a galatic warning shot.

"There's some great interest in what we have here," said Lt. Robert Brightman. "It's rather unusual. I haven't seen anything like it in my career."

Umm...it's a rock.

Approximately 20 to 50 rock-like objects fall every day over the entire planet, said Carlton Pryor, a professor of astronomy at Rutgers University.

So it's fairly common for rocks to fall out of the sky. I had a feeling.

Iraq Prime Minister Wishes He Could Quit

I would imagine that is a highly stressful job. Some people would love the opportunity to go down in history as a person who fought for what they believed in, stood up for their country in their country's time of need. Some people would jump at the chance to go down in history as a national hero. Of course not all people are like that. I imagine actually, there are too few human beings with that kind of bravery. Take me for example, I wouldn't want to run a WalMart. And WalMart employees don't suicide bomb their manager's office.

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki said in a published report that he wishes he could leave office before his four-year term is up and would not run again. "I didn't want to take this position," al-Maliki told the Wall Street Journal in an interview published Tuesday. "I only agreed because I thought it would serve the national interest, and I will not accept it again."

Now how could a country fail with that kind of leadership?

Al-Maliki became prime minister in May 2006, and his time in office has been defined by a surge in sectarian violence and lack of progress in improving services, curbing soaring unemployment and fighting crime.

Sounds kind of like Bush's term in office.

Iraqi Sunni anger boils over

Really? Wow. So all this madness up till now was a simmer?

ENRAGED crowds across Iraq's Sunni heartland have protested against Saddam Hussein's hanging, which the US had warned against.

This is one of the reasons I didn't think Hussein should have been rushed to the gallows. Is it too late for CPR?

As outrage swelled, the Government launched an inquiry into how guards filmed and taunted Saddam on the gallows. And it also announced a record number of civilian deaths.

Pehaps "YouTube-ing" the execution of a former-dictator is a bad idea. Oh well, live and learn Iraq. You're making progress. Towards what I have no idea.

US officials feared the speedy execution would fuel perceptions that the death of the former Iraqi dictator was more about Shiite retribution and less about justice.

You think? I wouldn't worry too much about it. Sunni's have been uproaring and committing violent acts since day one. I highly doubt Saddam's execution one way or the other had much effect. The militants are militants, the anger protesters who aren't militants aren't going to become militants now. It's been almost four years in Iraq. If a Sunni hasn't picked up a gun yet he either doesn't want any piece of the insurgency or doesn't have any hands.

World wishes for peace in 2007

From the slopes of Mount Fuji to the banks of the River Thames, 2007 began with a common theme: Hope for prosperity, health and peace.

Revellers from around the world rang in the new year with parties and fireworks, including dazzling pyrotechnic displays in Romania and Bulgaria, which on Monday became the newest members of the European Union.

At the Vatican, Pope Benedict prayed for peace in the Middle East, asking that people work "courageously" toward an end to the Holy Land's conflict.

Meanwhile, Japanese Emperor Akihito celebrated the birth of his grandson, the imperial familys first male heir in four decades, with a poem issued to the public.

Also in Japan, thousands climbed mountains, some scaling famed Mount Fuji, to greet the first dawn of the year. Police expected crowds on the peaks to reach 15,000.

In London, hundreds of thousands gathered for the annual New Year's Day parade.

Danish Queen Margrethe urged Danes to be more understanding of foreign cultures in a message issued a year after the international uproar over cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad first published in a Danish newspaper.

EU officials joined Bulgaria's leaders in raising the EU flag at a ceremony in Sofia.

At Berlin's signature Brandenburg Gate, some 20 bands entertained more than one million people as they welcomed in 2007.

In Australia, fireworks exploded over Sydney's Harbour Bridge as a million onlookers greeted the New Year. Sydney, one of the worlds first major cities to see the dawn of the new year, put on a lavish fireworks display on its harbour shore to celebrate the 75th anniversary of its iconic bridge.

Happy 2007 all. Let the madness begin tomorrow.