Thursday, May 31, 2007

US warns against travel to Iran

Damn, now I have to cancel my vacation plans.

The United States warned U.S. citizens on Thursday against traveling to
Iran, accusing Islamic authorities there of a "disturbing pattern" of harassment after the detention of a fourth Iranian-American for alleged espionage.

Yup, that about does it for me. I'm not traveling anywhere except the US. Not because I don't like other countries, I do, I really love to travel. It's just, apparently, because my mother decided to birth me within the borders of the US it has automatically made me a violent, uneducated, war-loving, snobbish, gun-happy piece of shit. And now I'm also involved in espionage against Iran.

"American citizens may be subject to harassment or arrest while traveling or residing in Iran," the State Department said after confirming that Ali Shakeri, a peace activist from Irvine, Calif., who has been missing in Iran for more than two weeks, is being held at a notorious prison in Tehran along with three other people.

It's not just Iran, I limit my trips to the US and a few miles into Canada where I can fake a Canadian accent but run back to the US if it gets seen-through.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

New Zealand Woman Dies After Power Is Cut

Some people are just THAT scared of the dark.

A 44-year-old woman who needed an electric oxygen pump to breathe died after an energy company cut the power to her home because of a $122 unpaid bill, her family claimed Wednesday.

While we all now that the power company people are living, breathing pieces of shit, my wonder is why no one paid the electric bill. I'll tell you this, if the electricity is the only thing keeping my wife or my mother alive, you'd best believe that check is in the fucking mail.

Police said they had launched an investigation into Folole Muliaga's death, which happened within two hours after state-owned company Mercury Energy cut power to her house Tuesday.

So apparently a human life is worth $122. It's cheaper in the middle east though.

Mercury Energy's general manager, James Moulder, said the company was devastated by the woman's death and was conducting its own investigation to determine what happened.

You cut the electricity that was keeping her alive, that's what happened. Why not investigate where that black hole you call a soul came from?

Muliaga, a schoolteacher with four children between the ages of 5 and 20, had been off work since February with an illness and had fallen behind in her payments to Mercury, said Brenden Sheehan, a relative who provided a copy of the bill.

Well it seems like it was a whole team of morons working together to make this happen. Electric company, disablity, family, friends, no one could come up with $122 to keep this woman alive huh? Wow people, congrats, you've sunk to a new low.

Brenden Sheehan, the woman's nephew in-law, said both Muliaga and her son told the technician she was dependent on the oxygen machine to stay alive and invited him into the house to see it.

"No, no, I can't look into the eyes of someone I'm about to kill."

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Cindy Sheehan Calls It Quits

I guess she got it all out of her system now.

Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan announced Monday she is giving up her role as the "face" of the American anti-war movement.

Good. I always thought she was disgracing her son who was killed in Iraq. It's one thing to protest against a war you don't believe in. It's another when your son gives the ultimate sacrifice for a war he believed in (he re-enlisted in order to return to Iraq) and you make an ass of yourself for a few years afterwards.

"I've been wondering why I'm killing myself and wondering why the Democrats caved in to George Bush," Sheehan told The Associated Press by phone Tuesday while driving from her property in Crawford to the airport, where she planned to return to her native California.

I've been wondering the same thing Cindy. Why are you killing yourself over this? It's a shame most of us "normal" citizens still haven't realized that we lost any voice over the government we may have had at some point or other.

"I'm going home for awhile to try and be normal," she said.

Why not go mourn your son? You're due.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Memorial Day

Thank You

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sunday Sign of Hope May 27th 2007

Troops rescue 41 Iraqi civilians

From Sydney Morning Herald:

US forces have rescued 41 Iraqi civilians from an al-Qaeda hide-out north-east of Baghdad, including some who showed signs of torture, an official says.

Major General William Caldwell, the top US military spokesman in Baghdad, said the discovery was the largest number of detained Iraqis ever found in a single al-Qaeda hide-out.

Some among the 41 had been held as long as four months, he said.

Details were incomplete, but Caldwell said some of the freed Iraqis were being transported to medical facilities for treatment of their injuries.

There were no indications that Americans had been held at the hide-out, he said.

It was not immediately clear whether any al-Qaeda figures were captured.

US forces previously have found a number of houses used by al-Qaeda for detention, including some where prisoners showed signs of torture.

But the hide-out that was raided in Diyala province was the largest, Caldwell said.Caldwell said a tip to US forces from Iraqis in Diyala led to the rescue operation.

"The people in Diyala are speaking up against al-Qaeda," he said.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

U.S. scraps missile-defense test as target misfires

That makes me feel safe.

The United States scrapped on Friday a key test of an emerging missile-defense shield after a dummy missile that was to have been the system's target went astray over the Pacific.

That's what you get when you add the genius of our technology with the stupidity of our people.

"The target did not reach sufficient altitude to be deemed a threat, and so the ballistic missile defense system did not engage it, as designed," said Air Force Lt. Gen. Henry Obering, head of the Pentagon's Missile Defense Agency.

Instead it defaulted to plan B and bombed a small village in Pakistan.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Boy Bags Wild Hog Bigger Than 'Hogzilla'

I've bagged plenty of hogzilla's in my lifetime. It's just, you know, you drink a little too much and that chick at the end of the bar starts looking good's a wild boar. Okay, nevermind.

Hogzilla is being made into a horror movie. But the sequel may be even bigger: Meet Monster Pig. An 11-year-old Alabama boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail. Think hams as big as car tires.

Hams as big as car tires? Biggest wild boar in the world? I love how whenever we as a species come across an animal that has obviously beaten the odds and survived long enough to grow to such enormous proportions we shoot it. Imagine if the roles where reversed and wild hogs shot all our bodybuilders. Think about it.

If the claims are accurate, Jamison Stone's trophy boar would be bigger than Hogzilla, the famed wild hog that grew to seemingly mythical proportions after being killed in south Georgia in 2004.

You see, when animals grow to such sizes it's essential we kill it so we can take a picture of ourselves standing over its corpse and pretend we've done something great. You haven't. You shot a big pig. A pig that I think just for it's size deserved to live a full life and grow to whatever size nature intended. I hope you choke to death on bacon.

"It feels really good," Jamison, of Pickensville, said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. "It's a good accomplishment. I probably won't ever kill anything else that big."

I felt the same way when I opened fire at McDonalds. You make me sick.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Bush: If Iraq Says Leave, "We Would Leave."

Well who's the ones who have to tell us to leave? Cause there seems to be an awful lot of people over there who don't want us there.

President Bush said today if the Iraqi government were to ask the United States to leave Iraq, he would grant the request.

Of course, they're not going to ask us to leave. Believe it or not, Muslims have a cultural tradition of offering guest unlimited stay. You know, when they're not cutting your head off.

"We are there at the invitation of the Iraqi government."

Really? I don't remember the invite.

"This is a sovereign nation. Twelve million people went to the polls to approve a constitution. It's their government's choice,’’ the president said during a Rose Garden news conference. "If they were to say leave, we would leave."

Okay, so, I'll just wait to hear what he says when the Iraqi government does ask us to leave. Bush has a great way of forgetting what he says. It's like the country is being lead by a goldfish.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter gives birth, right.

Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, became a mother today when she gave birth to a baby boy.

I'm a bit confused on Cheney's stance on homosexuals. In fact, I'm just confused. It's ok to Cheney for homosexuals to have long-standing relationships, for them to live together and to reproduce together. But damnit they can't get married!

According to reports, Mary's homosexual partner of 15 years, Heather Poe, "will have no legal relationship with her child. She can't adopt as a second parent. She won't have her name on the birth certificate."

Oh man, and parenting is all about the legal relationship too.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Bush Authorizes New Covert Action Against Iran

Must not be too covert if it's all over the papers.

The CIA has received secret presidential approval to mount a covert "black" operation to destabilize the Iranian government, current and former officials in the intelligence community tell the Blotter on

The first part of the covert "black" operation is to tell the media who will in turn tell the world. This will ensure we fail. It's perfect.

The sources, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because of the sensitive nature of the subject, say President Bush has signed a "nonlethal presidential finding" that puts into motion a CIA plan that reportedly includes a coordinated campaign of propaganda, disinformation and manipulation of Iran's currency and international financial transactions.

So if you're not authorized to speak to the media, why are you speaking to the media? What ever happened to honor, duty and pride?

"I can't confirm or deny whether such a program exists or whether the president signed it, but it would be consistent with an overall American approach trying to find ways to put pressure on the regime," said Bruce Riedel, a recently retired CIA senior official who dealt with Iran and other countries in the region.

" I can't confirm or deny the program's exsitence which I am confirming and I can't tell you whether or not the President signed off on the program which he did. All I can tell you is that covert operations are underway and are scheduled for next Tuesday at around 3am eastern standard time in Tehran. Where in Tehran you ask? Let me get my map and I'll show you."

Monday, May 21, 2007

Isabodywear underwear fends off cellphone radiation

I don't know but it's been a while since my penis got a phonecall.

If you thought donning tin foil caps was excessive, Isabodywear is out to make those contraptions looks mighty mild. While the debate about just how dangerous (or not) cellphone radiation is still rages on, there's certainly a paranoid sect that will snap up anything that claims to "protect them," and this Swiss garb maker is latching onto said opportunity.

Yes, we all exploit the crazy people. I mean, how else can you explain the success of Pokemon?

The briefs are purportedly constructed with threads made of silver, which the company claims will fend off harmful cellphone radiation; moreover, in an effort to really prove just how effective these undergarments are, it suggests that phone calls originated within the confines of your new underwear simply won't connect.

Well that's no good. What if I'm away and I leave my testicles in charge of taking messages?

Reportedly, 4,000 pairs have been created so far, and for folks willing to give these a try and fill out a survey, the first 500 of you to email in and request one will seemingly have one sent out gratis.

A free pair of cellphone radiation blocking underwear? That would go perfect with my radiowave-jamming baseball cap.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Sunday Sign of Hope May 20th 2007

First North Korean cargo ship arrives in South Korea in half century

From International Herald Tribune:

A North Korean cargo ship arrived in South Korean waters for the first time in more than 50 years Sunday, just days after a historic test run of trains between the divided states.

The 1,850-ton Kang Song Ho, manned by a crew of 27, anchored near the southeastern port of Busan early in the day for inspections by South Korean maritime authorities, said Kim Na-young, a coast guard official.

Kim said the ship — the first North Korean cargo vessel to arrive in South Korea for commercial business since the 1950-53 Korean War — would dock at Busan port on Monday.

The vessel will "carry cargoes between Busan and the North's northeastern port of Rajin three times a month," said Lee Won-jae, an official for Kukbo Express Co., a South Korean agent for the North Korean cargo ship.

The ship was expected to depart Busan as early as Monday after loading 60 empty containers, said Lee.

Officials handling the issue at South Korea's Unification Ministry were not immediately available for comment.

North and South Korea are still technically at war because the cease-fire that ended fighting in 1953 has never been replaced with a peace treaty. But their relations have warmed significantly since the first and only summit between their leaders in 2000.

On Thursday, the two sides ran trains through their heavily armed border for the first time in more than half a century. It was the first rail crossing of the 4-kilometer-wide (2.5-mile-wide) Demilitarized Zone, which divides the two sides, since transport links were cut off early in the war.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Donald Trump to NBC: "You can't fire me, I quit"

How's it feel big guy?

Donald Trump, whose low-rated reality show "The Apprentice" was left off the new prime-time schedule unveiled this week by NBC, says the network can't fire him -- he quits.

Don't kid yourself Donny boy, you were fired. Pack your shit and go.

The real estate mogul issued a statement on Friday saying he has informed the U.S. television network he is "moving on from 'The Apprentice' to a major new TV venture," though he declined to elaborate.

Of course you are. Better hurry up and figure out what that "major new TV venture" is soon cause people are going to start asking questions.

But his announcement appeared to end any lingering doubt that "The Apprentice," which turned the self-styled tycoon into a television star and popularized the catch phrase, "You're fired," would be banished from NBC's airwaves next season.

Ironic isn't it.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Daycare shut down after infants found crying in storage closet

Well it IS for storage.

A Tennessee father is defending a daycare operator accused of hiding children in a closet during a surprise inspection.

"Quick, get in the closet before I get in trouble for treating you children inappropiately."

Joel Coe said he has been taking his 3-year-old son, Brodie, to Paulette's Group Day Care home since he was a baby.

And aside from an insane fear of closets, nothing out of the ordinary has ever happened.

He said the owner, Paulette Colter, was always good to his son and that she was devastated and misses the children.

She's been putting cats and dogs in the closet but it just isn't the same.

"Brodie is just crazy over her. If she was abusing a child, why would my son be crazy over her? He wouldn't want to come here," he said.

I don't know, cause he's three and doesn't realize he's being mistreated? Even if this woman has never, ever mistreated one of the children in her care, why did she put them in the closet? Seriously I can't think of one good reason to put a child in a closet. Wait, let me rephrase. I can't think of one legal or morally correct reason to put a child in a closet

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Hostage escapes after 9 years in captivity

It took nine years for the hostage-takers to forget to lock his door.

A Colombian police officer held hostage by leftist guerrillas for almost nine years has escaped after slipping from his captors and fleeing through the jungle for more than a fortnight.

Fortnight? I was unaware people still talked like that.
"He traveled many moons..."

Jhon Frank Pinchao walked, swam and crawled for 17 days through the dense Amazonian rainforest before running into a counter-narcotics patrol on Wednesday.

"Hey it's Jhon. Where the fuck you been man? You missed an awesome party last Saturday."

Exhausted, emaciated and tearful, the policeman told how he had been held by guerrillas of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, or Farc, in a jungle camp alongside three American intelligence contractors and a French-Colombian former presidential candidate.

Where are they and how come you didn't take them with you?

They are among about 60 hostages held by the Farc as bargaining chips in a hoped-for prisoner exchange with the Colombian Government.

After nine years I'm thinking that prisoner exchange ain't happening guys.

“The principal thought of every kidnap victim every second of the day is freedom,” Mr Pinchao told a press conference in Bogotá organised by the Government. “I had a chance and I took it.”

Well done. Now, back to work.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Moscow agrees to tone down anti-US rhetoric

One country down, the rest of the fucking world to go.

Russia is to tone down its increasingly harsh anti-US rhetoric but the two countries failed in talks on Tuesday to make any progress on the issues that divide them – including Kosovo and missile defence.

Well, at least they won't be calling us anymore bad our face.

As Condoleezza Rice, US secretary of state, ended talks with Vladimir Putin at the Russian president's residence outside Moscow, she brushed off concerns that US missile defence plans posed a threat to Russia's security.

"Cold war? Whatever."

"The US needs to move forward to use technology to defend itself and we're going to do that," Ms Rice said after the talks. "I don't think that anyone expects the US to permit a veto on American security interests."

"You see, we just don't care how the rest of the world feels about what we do. At this point we're just trying to see how mad we can get everybody."

Relations between the two countries have been strained by US plans to base components of a missile interceptor system near Russia's borders, in Poland and the Czech Republic, prompting talk on both sides of the Atlantic of a new cold war.

In order for it to be a cold war again, Russia has to actually pose a threat to us. With the new missile interceptor systems near the Russian border, they don't. Problem solved.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Gaza gunmen wound Egyptian mediator

Teach you to try and spread peace.

Gunmen wounded a top Egyptian official in Gaza as he tested whether a shaky ceasefire deal between feuding Fatah and Hamas loyalists was holding, a Palestinian security official said.

Well I guess that ceasefire was a little more than "shaky" wasn't it?

The Egyptian was shot in the hand as he walked along a Gaza street with the Palestinian cabinet secretary Ghazi Hamad of Hamas and a Fatah official, in a bid to see whether the armed rivals were sticking to the truce agreed on late Tuesday.

How much would it cost to just build a really big wall around that whole area?

The Egyptian was among a team involved in mediating the truce and trying to end the fighting.

Well this saves him some paperwork. No need for a report on how that went.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Record numbers on anti-depressants

Anyone who is really paying attention shouldn't be surprised.

The number of prescriptions for anti-depressants has hit an all-time high, a mental health charity has revealed.

I personally like to get by a case of the blues without the help of a pill that will give me rectal itching. I understand that there are some people who cannot get by without popping a little blue friend that can numb their mind better than a sharp blow to the head with a pipe. Know what I do when I get a little down? I try to hang myself. Seriously. By the time I figure out where to get the rope and where to tie it from and then spend time finding the perfect sized stool to stand on and then find a pen and paper to leave the world some insignificant last words, something really cool is on TV and I feel better.

More than 31 million prescriptions for anti-depressants were written last year - a rise of 6 per cent on the year before, according to Mind.

Great, 31 million people walking around in a fog. No wonder you can't have a intellectually stimulating conversation anymore. Most people's minds are more smokey then a teenagers bedroom when mommy and daddy aren't home.

It comes as the charity released research showing that country walks can help reduce depression and raise self-esteem, leading to calls for "ecotherapy" to become a recognised treatment for people with mental health illnesses.

Watch for sneaker sales to skyrocket. Actually, anything that would involve more effort than pouring yourself a glass of water isn't going to catch on. I mean, the main reason everyone is so depressed is because they can't get their fat ass off the couch. Best cure for the blues? A little sunshine. Seriously, life isn't that bad when you really think about it.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Sunday Sign of Hope May 13th 2007

Taliban's most feared commander killed

From Times Online UK:

The Taleban’s most prominent military commander, a one-legged fighter who orchestrated an ethnic massacre and a rash of beheadings, has been killed in an American-led military operation in southern Afghanistan it is reported today.

Mullah Dadullah, a top lieutenant of the Taleban leader Mullah Omar, was killed on Saturday in the southern province of Helmand, said Said Ansari, the spokesman for Afghanistan’s intelligence service.

A Nato statement confirmed Dadullah's death, saying it had dealt the insurgency “a serious blow.”

Dadullah is one of the highest-ranking Taleban leaders killed since the fall of the hard-line regime following the American-led invasion in 2001. His death represents a major victory for the Afghan government and the international coalition that has struggled to contain the Taleban-led insurgency in the south and east of the country.

“Mullah Dadullah was the backbone of the Taleban,” said Asadullah Khalid, the governor of the former Taleban stronghold of Kandahar. “He was a brutal and cruel commander who killed and beheaded Afghan civilians.”

Mr Khalid showed Dadullah’s body to reporters at a news conference in the governor’s compound. An Associated Press reporter said the body, which was lying on a bed and dressed in a traditional Afghan robe, had no left leg and three bullet wounds: one to the back of the head and two to the stomach.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Woman Survives Internal Decapitation

Not sure what an internal decapitation is but I'm sure it hurts. A LOT.

A car crash in Nebraska on Jan. 25 threw 30-year-old Shannon Malloy up against the vehicle's dashboard. In the process, her skull became separated from her spine. The clinical term for her condition is called internal decapitation.

We layman like to call that breaking your neck. But then again, that's why the docs make the big bucks. They know big words.

"I remember the impact and then I had no control over my head," said Malloy. "I wasn't focused so much on the pain. I just kept thinking, 'I have to stay alive.'"

Really? The pain of having my skull separate from my spine would probably be my priority at the time. See, you usually don't have much of a choice about whether you live or die, that's up to whoever makes those big decisions. (they make more than the docs by the way) Figuring I'm still alive and my head is dangling from my neck like a broken bobblehead, I'm still thinking the pain would really be my major concern. That and not smothering myself with the front of my shirt.

Dr. Gary Ghiselli, a chiropractor at the Denver Spine Center, said Malloy's will to survive is what saved her.

That and the fact that Mother Nature was sleeping at the time of her accident.

Five screws were drilled into Malloy's neck. Four more were drilled into her head to keep it stabilized.

Like Frankenstein.

Then a thing called a halo -- rods and a circular metal bar -- was attached for added support. It's not exactly a pain-free procedure.

Really? I would have thought an internal decapitation fix-er-up would be just like getting a band-aid.

"My skull slipped off my neck about five times. Every time they tried to screw this to my head, I would slip," said Malloy.

That's not natural. Get my pistol.

"I had a fractured skull, swollen brain stem, bleeding in my brain, GI tube in my stomach, can't swallow, and nerve damage in my eyes (because they cross)," said Malloy.

Good thing you lived.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Mom Indicted for Selling Daughter

I didn't know there was a market for that. Sometimes my daughter gets on my last nerve. Can I just rent her out to another family for a few weeks?

A 37 year old woman was indicted Monday on charges that she sold her teenage daughter for $3000.

That's a lot of money to spend on a never-ending headache.

Tina Valdez is accused of selling the 15 year old girl to a man last August. At first, Valdez told authorities in Archer County that her daughter had run away. She even gave police a note that she said her 15 year old daughter had written about going to look for her father.

So, uh, still fighting to make abortion illegal there pro-lifers?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Tony Blair steps down

But who will follow Bush blindly into war?

After serving a decade in office as the Prime Minister of Britain, Tony Blair has announced that he is stepping down.

Well, I've can say honestly I've never spent 10 years in one job. Can't blame him for wanting to get held back in a deadend job.

Blair was one of the most successful Labour prime ministers of the United Kingdom.

Good for him.

It is Iraq and Blair's alliance with US President George W Bush that will dominate his legacy in the twilight of his rule.

Really? You think in a few decades that's what people will be talking about. When we talk about Richard Nixon we don't think Vietnam right off the bat. No, no, we think of the absolute and total corruption of our government. Ah, fond memories.

''Britain and America are old allies and the prime minister and I are strong friends,'' Bush said in December last year.

Technically though, we're even older enemies.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Hamas TV drops militant Mickey Mouse

Goofy still sporting suicide vest though.

A program using a Mickey Mouse-like character to urge Palestinian children to fight Israel and the West and work for world Islamic domination has been pulled off Hamas's television station for "review," Palestinian Information Minister Mustafa Barghouti said Wednesday.

Unfortunately, mice are un-islamic because they don't cover their women.

Barghouti said the use of the cartoon character in such a role represented a "mistaken approach" to the Palestinian struggle against Israeli occupation.

Why stop the mistakes now? You've been blowing shit up for years. Perhaps that there is the mistake?

Barghouti wrote that following a request from his ministry, the program was pulled from the Hamas-affiliated Al Aksa TV and "placed under review."

In it's place will run re-runs of Barney the Purple Dinosaur Sniper.

In the statement, Barghouti said his ministry "would continue to ensure freedom of expression and freedom of the press, but that media outlets breaking the law would be penalized."

And the law strictly prohibits any freedom of expression or press.

Obama Overstates Kansas Tornado Deaths

It's just the cluelessness we've come to expect from our politicians.

Barack Obama, caught up in the fervor of a campaign speech Tuesday, drastically overstated the Kansas tornadoes death toll, saying 10,000 had died.

Wow, I think I would have heard a bit more about that toll had the number been that high. I do have to admit however, I don't know the death toll from the tornadoes. Was he close?

The death toll was 12.

No, no that isn't close at all is it.

"In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died—an entire town destroyed," the Democratic presidential candidate said in a speech to 500 people packed into a sweltering Richmond art studio for a fundraiser.

So then, Mr. Obama, who actually "missed it"?

"There are going to be times when I get tired," he said. "There are going to be times when I get weary. There are going to be times when I make mistakes."

Promising words from a man hoping to be a future President.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Six arrested for plotting attack on Fort Dix

No matter the seriousness of these article, I still can't help but giggle just a little at Fort Dix.

Six foreign-born Muslims have been arrested for plotting an attack on the Fort Dix Army base in New Jersey. Investigators say the men planned to "kill as many soldiers as possible."

Honestly though, how well would that have gone? Attacking a military installation with small arms? That's like throwing rocks at tanks. Oh wait, fanatical Muslims do that too don't they?

The six accused men went before a judge in Camden, N.J., on Tuesday afternoon. The defendants were all born in other countries — one is a U.S. citizen; two are legal residents, and three are in the United States illegally.

All will be equally treated as the pieces of shit they are.

Federal prosecutors say the investigators have video and audio recordings of the men talking about waging jihad and killing American servicemembers.

It's right after the audition for American Idol.

As NPR's Dina Temple-Raston tells Michele Norris, the investigation was sparked by a call from an employee of a video-transfer business, where the men had taken a videotape to be converted onto a DVD.

Who uses VCR tapes for jihad these days? Really?

On the video, the men were shown firing weapons and shouting "God is great" in Arabic, and calling for a jihad, or holy war, against the United States. The employee then contacted the FBI.

So I can't decide whether they should be tried for their crimes or just shot for stupidity.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Shoplifters Wear 'I Am a Thief' Sign

Makes them a bit easier for security to spot I guess.

Shoppers entering the Wal-Mart Supercenter here got a reminder not to try anything funny: Two shoplifters stood outside with signs reading "I am a thief, I stole from Wal-Mart."

You know, just for fun, I think I'll make a sign that reads "I'm a murderer. I killed random people outside McDonalds" and go stand outside McDonalds looking angry.

Attalla City Judge Kenneth Robertson Jr. ordered the two people to wear the signs for four hours each during two successive Saturdays.

When the prospect of being raped in prison doesn't deter, the obvious next step is public embarassment.

"The only comments we've heard so far have been positive," said store manager Neil Hawkins. "Most of them thought it was a good thing."

So shoplifters have become the outcasts of our society? I can think of a lot worse people. Maybe a sign "I'm a bad driver. I cut people off." signs are in order.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Sunday Sign of Hope May 6th 2007

France's Sarkozy reaches out to U.S. and Europe

From Reuters:

French president-elect Nicolas Sarkozy pledged his commitment to Europe after his victory in Sunday's run-off election and said the United States could also rely on the friendship of France.

"I want to launch a call to our European partners, with whom our destiny is deeply linked, to tell them that I have been European all my life," Sarkozy told supporters in Paris. "Tonight France is back in Europe."

He said France would be a friend to the United States, with whom relations were strained by the 2003 invasion of Iraq, but that there were differences in areas such as global warming that he would address.

"I want to tell them as well that friendship is accepting that one's friends can act differently, and that a great nation like the United States has the duty to not obstruct the fight against global warming but on the contrary to take the lead in this struggle because what is at stake is the future of all humanity."

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Al Qaeda in Iraq Labels Sunni VP a "Criminal"

Cause God knows it's not the ones blowing people up that are the criminals.

Al Qaeda in Iraq branded the country's Sunni vice president a "criminal" for participating in the American-backed government, and a suicide bomber Saturday struck army recruits west of Baghdad, killing at least 15 people in another warning to Sunnis not to cooperate with the Shiite leadership.

Little hypocritical don't you think?

The suicide attack in the mostly Sunni town of Abu Ghraib was the deadliest in a series of attacks that left at least 74 people dead nationwide.

So now al-qaeda in Iraq, which is a mostly-Sunni organization, are attacking Iraqi Sunni's? Makes you wonder what, if any, goal these groups have. You know, aside of spreading chaos, fear and death. Freedom fighters my ass.

The verbal attack on Vice President Tariq al-Hashemi was purportedly delivered by Al Qaeda leader Abu Hamza al-Muhajir, also known as Abu Ayyub al-Masri, in an audiotape posted on an extremist Web site only days after Iraqi authorities claimed he had been killed.

A ghost!

During the 21-minute speech, the Al Qaeda leader criticized Mr. al-Hashemi as "this criminal" who "relentlessly calls" for American troops to remain in Iraq. Mr. al-Hashemi has resisted calls by fellow Sunni leaders to quit the Shiite-dominated government.

"So, we will kill Sunni's to show how we disapprove of the Vice Presidents actions. This, in turn, should further confuse the world as to just how educated we are."

Friday, May 04, 2007

Iran to "break the leg" of enemies: Ahmadinejad

Broken legs heal. Radiation from a nuclear bombardment to stop nuclear enrichment lasts a LOT longer.

Having repeatedly vowed to "cut off the hand" of any attacker, Iran's president shifted to the leg on Friday to underline his determination to resist Western pressure over its nuclear program.

"Iran will severely sprain the ankles of anyone who dares attack us."

"You, the enemies of the Iranian nation, know that this nation will break the leg of anyone who wants to violate its rights," President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told a rally in the southeastern province of Kerman.

Ahmadinejad reminds me of a Shitz Zu. Small little dog, big bark, one swift kick and the dramas over.

"We will not be harmed by your opposition and it will be you who ... will be harmed," Ahmadinejad, known for his fiery anti-Western speeches, said according to the official IRNA news agency.

For a moment, the crowd was worried, thinking Ahmadinejad was speaking to them.

He was speaking in Farsi which unlike English does not use the phrase "break a leg" idiomatically to wish someone freedom from harm.

Huh? What kind of stupid fucking statement is this. Did this report have a word quota you missed by 23 words? Not once did I think, "Hey, maybe he's wishing all those who would attack Iran good luck." You just killed this whole article for me. I'm done reading it. Moron.

Paris Hilton Sentenced to 45 Days in Jail

About time.

A judge sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail Friday for violating her probation, putting the brakes on the hotel heiress' famous high life.

Oh no, what is a little heiress to do? I guess the simple life ain't as simple as you thought it was.

Hilton, who parlayed her name and relentless partying into worldwide notoriety, must go to jail on June 5 and she will not be allowed any work release, no furloughs, no use of an alternative jail and no electronic monitoring in lieu of jail, Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer ruled after a hearing.

This isn't about setting a bratty little rich kid straight. This is about fair punishment. If it had been me in her shoes I would have to get my new cellmates permission to write my blog.

Hilton, 26, pleaded no contest in January to reckless driving stemming from a Sept. 7 arrest in Hollywood. Police said she appeared intoxicated and failed a field sobriety test. She had a blood-alcohol level of .08 percent, the level at which an adult driver is in violation of the law.

See, that's what I mean right there. She got a plea down from DWI. I'd be walking my ass to work for six months.

Two other traffic stops and failure to enroll in a mandated alcohol education program, are what landed the socialite back in court.

Money shouldn't outway the law. She failed to meet the requirements of her probation and whoosh, time for a wonderful vacation to somewhere they don't care about your money. In fact, most of them will hate you for it. Enjoy. And straighten the fuck up.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

FBI agent testifies he posed as al-Qaida recruiter in terror case

"Could you just say what you want to blow up into this innocent little button on my shirt."

An FBI agent who posed as an al-Qaida recruiter in a terrorism investigation testified Thursday at a doctor's trial, recalling that a key conspirator in the case showed him how he could strangle somebody with his prayer beads.

Nothing shows your faith in God like sending someone to meet him with your holy paraphernalia.

The agent, Ali Soufan, is a key witness in the terrorism trail against the doctor, Rafiq Abdus Sabir, 52, who was charged two years ago with pledging to provide material support to al-Qaida by offering to treat the group's injured fighters.

That just goes to show you should know who you're talking to when you're trying to join forces with a global terrorist network in order to wreak havoc upon the civilized world. Best bet? Only tell your mother.

Most of Soufan's testimony in nearly a day on the witness stand revolved around conversations he had with Tarik Shah, a martial arts expert and jazz musician who said he wanted to introduce him to Sabir. Several taped conversations from a meeting between the agent and Shah in Plattsburgh, N.Y. were played for the jury.

Wow, he had a lot to offer to al-qaeda. He could provide medical assistance to wounded terrorists, teach them hand to hand combat techniques and, with the lights down low, he could lighten the mood with some excellent jazz tunes. Wait, don't fanatical Islamist hate music?

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Bangladesh railway blasts signed 'al Qaeda'

Yes, it's another al-qaeda story. But this one has a great twist in it.

Three simultaneous bomb blasts rocked separate railway terminals in Bangladesh on Tuesday, with militant slogans claiming to be from al Qaeda found at two of the sites.

Same old, same old right? Wait.

One man was hurt in the blasts, which triggered panic among commuters, who evacuated railway terminals.

No one killed. Good news. Here we go though. This is what makes this story absolutely the greatest piece of craziness I've seen in a while.

"... If Hazrat (Prophet) Mohammad is not declared the superman of the world by May 10, all non-governmental organizations will be blown up," the slogans on the metal sheets read in the Bengali language. They were signed "the al Qaeda network" in English.

That's right, you read that correctly. Al-qaeda in Bangladesh will not be satisfied until their prophet is named "Superman of the world". Allah from now on will be known as Aquaman, Moses is now Spiderman, Noah will now go by Wolverine and Jesus is Mr. Fantastic. All fanatical Muslims will shed their "jihadist" labels and will be called "Human Torches".

"The bombs were kept in cotton sacks, along with the metal sheets. They exploded before anyone detected them," said police Inspector Abu Zafar Alam at Kamalapur, Bangladesh's biggest railway terminal.

I can't remember the last time any of Superman's friends blew anything up. Prehaps Mohammad should be known as Lex Luther.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Leader of Al Qaeda group in Iraq is reported killed

Again? This guy dies more often than Kenny on South Park.

The Iraqi government said Tuesday that it was investigating reports from "reliable sources" that Abu Ayyub al-Masri, leader of the radical Islamist insurgent group Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia, had been killed in an ambush by a rival insurgent faction.

Oh, trouble in paradise there insurgents? While it's not definite that al-Masri has bought the dry, arid unfertile sand the fact remains that terrorist groups are killing each other in Iraq. And that could mean only one thing. That's right. Survivor:Iraq has begun.

Iraqi officials, desperate to show gains against a relentless insurgency, have in the past trumpeted the killing or capture of major insurgent leaders, only to retract the claims later when the suspects turned out to have been wrongly identified.

Almost sounds like this report is hoping al-Masri is okay.

American military commanders said they could not confirm the reports.

Oh well, probably isn't true. It's fun to hope though.