Friday, May 25, 2007

Boy Bags Wild Hog Bigger Than 'Hogzilla'


I've bagged plenty of hogzilla's in my lifetime. It's just, you know, you drink a little too much and that chick at the end of the bar starts looking good and...oh...it's a wild boar. Okay, nevermind.

Hogzilla is being made into a horror movie. But the sequel may be even bigger: Meet Monster Pig. An 11-year-old Alabama boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail. Think hams as big as car tires.

Hams as big as car tires? Biggest wild boar in the world? I love how whenever we as a species come across an animal that has obviously beaten the odds and survived long enough to grow to such enormous proportions we shoot it. Imagine if the roles where reversed and wild hogs shot all our bodybuilders. Think about it.

If the claims are accurate, Jamison Stone's trophy boar would be bigger than Hogzilla, the famed wild hog that grew to seemingly mythical proportions after being killed in south Georgia in 2004.

You see, when animals grow to such sizes it's essential we kill it so we can take a picture of ourselves standing over its corpse and pretend we've done something great. You haven't. You shot a big pig. A pig that I think just for it's size deserved to live a full life and grow to whatever size nature intended. I hope you choke to death on bacon.

"It feels really good," Jamison, of Pickensville, said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. "It's a good accomplishment. I probably won't ever kill anything else that big."

I felt the same way when I opened fire at McDonalds. You make me sick.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Miss Vicki said...

Whoa Baby! That's all the words I can say, whoa baby!!!

May 30, 2007 9:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

love the caption!

May 31, 2007 10:55 AM  
Blogger f.b.i.t.c. said...

If you can't fuck it, kill it! I believe that's the usual phrase trotted out at times like these.

Problem is, the dumb asses probably DID fuck it right after they shot it - before it got cold.

Can I shoot them now Mad Man?

June 01, 2007 7:02 AM  

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