Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Happy Halloween

I just got back in from taking my daughter trick or treating. Aside from a pillowcase half full of enough sugar to send a small country into a sweet-induced giggle-fit I have sore feet and heavy eye-lids to show for it. My daughter went around town dressed as an eight-year old zombie with make-up realistic enough to give the elderly candy-givers a little glimpse into the near future. Amongst the ghost and goblins and evil looking jack-o-laterns I couldn't help but think, wow, this is a great holiday. I was taken back to my younger days and the mathematic strategy I turned trick or treating into with a few good friends, a few masks and careful planning.
You see, my friends and I had trick or treating down to a science. First, we would meet at a house and plan our route, taking into account the "good" candy-givers from the previous year. We then we plot our course so that we could hit those houses in the quickest fashion. First we would go with simple face paint, a jacket and a pillowcase that held candy from the "lesser" houses and a mask for each of us. We would hit the good spots, continue on to the end of the block, take off our jackets, take our masks out of our cases and hit the good houses again dressed as a totally different creature. It worked, really well. Every Halloween I came home with two full pillowcases worth of candy.
Now Halloween means something different. I enjoy watching my daughter enjoy her night of candy gathering. I tell my girlfriend that this is the night that our daughter earns her keep by bringing home as much candy as she can that my girlfriend and I can spend the next couple of months picking at. I even find myself dipping into those "Please Take One" baskets people leave on their porches.
I also love television this time of year. I remember when I was younger, Halloween episodes of all my favorite shows would air. (My all time favorite was a Facts of Life episode in which the girls thought Mrs. Garett was killing people. Classic.) While those days seem to be gone you can still catch Garfield and Odie dressed as pirates running into real ghost pirates and Charlie Brown gathering his yearly bag of rocks. I love horror movies and they're all over the stations all month. Yup, Halloween is one of the best times of the year.
So if you celebrate this holiday (if you don't you're just stupid, I don't know any religion that forbids handing out candy to children) Happy Halloween.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

US Navy Rescues Crew of North Korean Ship off Africa

See how nice the US is? And we don't even like you fuckers.

The U.S. Navy rescued the crew of a North Korean cargo ship off the coast of Somalia Tuesday, after it was attacked by unidentified men who took control of part of the vessel. VOA's Al Pessin reports from the Pentagon.

Well shiver me timbers ya land lubbers and a vast ye maties, arghhhhh, and...umm...rum and dead man chests and treasure and Davey Jones, Blackbeard, Johnny Depp and Captain Hook and...well...I'm out of pirate references...for now.

The U.S. Navy says when it was informed of the pirate attack, it immediately dispatched a helicopter from a ship about 90 kilometers away. The Navy says the pirates had taken control of the ship's command center, but the crew remained in control of the engine room and steering controls.

Not much good a command center is going to do when the steering controls are in the hands of people who aren't going to listen to you.

As the U.S. Navy destroyer James E. Williams approached the North Korean ship in the Indian Ocean northeast of Mogadishu, it contacted the pirates and ordered them to surrender. At about the same time, the Navy says, the cargo ship's crew attacked and overpowered the pirates.

And the North Korean crew will probably say that they were going to attack anyway and hearing the sound of a US destroyer ordering for the pirates to surrender had nothing to do with their moment of bravery.

In response to a request by the crew, the U.S. Navy ship dispatched a boarding party and a medical team to care for several people injured during the incident.

All in all, three people received hooks for hands, nine peg-legs and four eye patches. The Somalian pirates were forced to walk the plank. Arghhhh.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Alright, Here's the Real Sign of Hope

A few close friends and I had a discussion pertaining to my past Signs of Hope that link to news stories that are about the killing of militants. They argue that the killing of anyone, including terrorists, shouldn't be a sign of hope for the future of our planet. While I think they're bat-shit crazy and the death of anyone willing to harm others is a good thing I conceded (mainly due to a headache) and told them I would redo the Sunday Sign of Hope from yesterday to something a bit less violent. So, for those of you who agree with my hippie pals, here's another sign of hope for you to read after you're done hugging the trees in your yard. Enjoy.

An Act of Kindness from Iraq

From Commentary Magazine:

Iraqi Army officers in Besmaya raised a thousand dollars in donations for fire victims in San Diego, California, and the only place that seems to have reported the story is the military blog OPFOR. Author Richard S. Lowry learned about it in a press release from the Multi-National Security Transition Command-Iraq Public Affairs, so it’s unlikely he’s the only one in the media who knows something about it.

Sending a thousand dollars to California will be about as helpful as throwing a glass of water into the firestorm. It’s the thought that counts here. And what surprising thought it is. How many Americans expect charity from Iraq?

As Lowry points out, “most Americans do not consider Iraqis as people.” He’s right. Most of us only know them from sensational media reports about masked insurgents, wailing widows, and death squads. Most of us may instinctively understand that the majority of Iraqis are just regular people, but it’s hard to keep that in mind when the only thing we get Stateside is war coverage. I’ve met hundreds of Iraqis myself during trips to their country as a reporter, so it’s a bit easier for me to see them as just people. I’m still surprised that anyone in that broken impoverished land would even consider donating hard-earned money to Californians.

A thousand dollars is a lot in Iraq. The average salary is only a few hundred dollars a month. I can’t for the life of me figure out how entire families can survive on so little, considering most have so many children. Basic necessities are cheaper in Iraq than in the West, but not that much cheaper.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sunday Sign of Hope October 28th 2007

Coalition Forces Kill 80 Taliban in Six-Hour Afghanistan Battle

I've been asked why I consider the death of militants or insurgents or terrorists for that matter a sign of hope. The answer is simple. The Taliban, Iraqi insurgents, al-qaeda and the like harm people. I'm not talking about opposing forces like the US soldiers, Afghan and Iraqi police and army personnel, I'm talking about civilians that these pieces of shit behead, use as human shields or enforce their "law" over with the use of violence and intimidation. Bottom line: Dead insurgents can't hurt anyone anymore.

From Bloomsberg:

At least 80 Taliban fighters were killed when they tried to ambush a combined patrol of Afghan and U.S.-led international soldiers, an e-mailed statement from the coalition said today.

The Taliban fighters attacked a reconnaissance patrol of the combined forces with rocket and small-arms fire in the Musa Qaleh Wadi region of Helmand province yesterday, the statement said. ``The combined patrol immediately returned fire, maneuvered and employed close air support'' during a six-hour-long engagement.

The Taliban also used machine guns and rocket-propelled grenades in the battle, the statement said.

Last month, Afghan and U.S.-led forces killed more than 45 Taliban fighters in an air strike in southern Uruzgan's Deh Rawood district after coming under attack by rocket-propelled grenades and small-arms fire, the U.S. military said.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Putin invokes Cuban missile crisis

Have we learned nothing?

Vladimir Putin, Russia’s president, on Friday compared US plans to build a missile defence shield near Russia’s borders to the 1962 Cuban missile crisis that brought the world to the brink of nuclear war.

Aren't we supposed to be allies now though? I mean, sure, during the Cuban Missile Crisis you had two world superpowers who weren't fond of each other squaring off and it was a very scary time. One of us isn't a superpower anymore though. Guess who that is Mr. Putin.

Mr Putin quickly qualified his remarks, made after a summit with European Union leaders in Portugal, by saying that US-Russian relations had moved on since the Cold War and that he and George W. Bush, the US president, had a good personal relationship.

Nice moonwalk.

But Mr Putin’s deliberate evocation of one of history’s most dangerous episodes did little to soothe the nerves of his European hosts who, like their US allies, are struggling to stabilise a relationship with Russia that has more points of friction than at any time since the Soviet Union’s demise in 1991.

Like a spoiled fucking kid just being difficult.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Explosion Jolts Mexican Consulate

It's that damn Mexican food I'm telling ya.

Police and bomb squad units were called to the Mexican Consulate in Manhattan early Friday morning after two explosive devices were thrown at the building, causing a small explosion, first reported.

I'm guessing there were two bomb-throwers cause if there was only one and he had time to reach into his bag and throw a second bomb someone should be fired.

NYPD Commissioner Ray Kelly said the two devices were replica grenades packed with explosive powder, eerily similar to an incident at the British Consulate two years ago. "There was a person seen on a bicycle today. Two years ago there were videos that showed an individual on a bicycle. We're still looking at it now," Kelly said.

A person on a bike in Manhattan? That can't be a coincidence. Maybe this is what al-qaeda's been planning in the tribal belt of Pakistan for the last six years? If so they've lost their pizazz.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Casino Refuses To Pay Million Dollar Jackpot

That's why the House never loses.

For about an hour last August, Gary Hoffman was a very lucky man. Hoffman was playing the nickel slot machines at the Sandia Resort and Casino on an Indian reservation in New Mexico when he appeared to hit the jackpot: the machine said he won nearly $1.6 million.

Not a bad take for one nickel.

But the ecstasy was short-lived. Hoffman says in a lawsuit filed earlier this year that Sandia refused to pay, claiming that the machine malfunctioned. Instead, he said, they gave him about $385 and a few free meals at the casino.

"We're sorry, no one's supposed to win the jackpot. Must have been a malfunction."

The casino says it's not responsible for what it describes as a computer error and says it offered Hoffman the maximum payout of $2,500 for that particular slot machine. But, a jury may never decide who is right. Lawyers told ABC News that gamblers like Hoffman may have little legal recourse against Native American casinos, which sometimes operate beyond the reach of U.S. courts.

Playing slot machines is the luck of the draw. In this case, the casino's luck ran out. It's probably more likely that a machine will malfunction and payout a jackpot than it is to legitimately hit that ol' 7 7 7. And it's not like a casino can't afford a million dollar payout ever once in a blue moon. Either way, keep your money in your pocket on those Native American reservations.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Officials: Arson Behind Santiago Fire

Sounds like some little fire bug just got himself in a world of shit.

CBS News has learned a task force of agencies, including the FBI, ATF, the Orange County Fire Authority and the California Department of Forestry will announce shortly that the massive Santiago Canyon Fire - which has caused an estimated $10 million in damage - is being officially declared an arson, and a $50,000 reward is being offered to find the arsonist.

Damn I wish I knew who did it. I really could use that $50,000.

Investigators have identified two separate "points of origin" where they believe the fire was set, CBS News has learned. FBI agents secured the scene to "maintain its integrity."

Don't want to go ruining the ashes.

The Santiago Fire has burned about 19,200 acres east of Irvine, officials said, and it is around 30 percent contained. Six homes and eight outbuildings have been destroyed, with another eight homes and 12 outbuildings damaged. Four firefighters have been injured fighting the blaze and about 3,000 people evacuated.

So I assume that would equal a shitload of jail time right.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Make all staff exercise for an hour, says top health adviser

Great, like I didn't fucking dread going to work enough already.

A radical plan to improve the nation's health - including a workplace "exercise hour" - has been unveiled by a leading Government adviser in the UK.

I've never been happier to be an American. I wake up, drag my ass out of bed and practically crawl to the shower. I then drive with my eyes half open to sit behind a desk all day dealing with morons that I would love nothing more than to lock in a trunk and dump into the Atlantic. Then I have to deal with a boss who's IQ is at best equal to or a little less then her ancestor that crawled out of the fucking sea and now you want me to work out for an hour. Fuck you.

New figures today show England is the fattest country in the EU. Now Professor Julian Le Grand, chairman of Health England, hopes to encourage people to improve their diets, give up smoking and exercise more.

You've got a better chance of convincing the Middle East to relax.

He proposed the introduction of a smoking permit, which smokers would be required to show each time they bought tobacco.

All that's going to do is make the mafia more money with something else to sell on the black market.

It is then their choice to go smoke free and not buy a permit.

If you really think that smokers won't go get a permit if that means they can't smoke without one you've obviously lost your grip on reality.

Companies with more than 500 staff would have an " exercise hour". Employees would have to deliberately choose not to join in.

Sounds tough.
"Hey, want to excerise?"
"Fuck no."
And that's that.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Bin Laden Urges Iraq Insurgents to Unite

Doesn't look like things are going well for al-qaeda in Iraq either.

Osama bin Laden scolded his al-Qaida followers in Iraq and other insurgents Monday, saying they have "been lax" for failing to overcome fanatical tribal loyalties and unite in the fight against U.S. troops.

If Osama bin Laden has to issue an audio tape to try and unite his "jihad" against the West in Iraq you can only come to the conclusion that things are not going well for his terror group. Someone's doing something right.

The message of his new audiotape reflected the growing disarray among Iraq's Sunni Arab insurgents and bin Laden's client group in the country, both of which are facing heavy U.S. military pressure and an uprising among Sunni tribesmen.

I don't think the Iraqis like you much Binny. Are you feeling that noose tighten? Regardless of whether Bin Laden is alive or dead, al-qaeda is slowly dissolving in Iraq. The Iraqi people are starting to see the true colors of the conflicting sides in the country and are starting to choose "the lesser of two evils" and aide the Coalition. I can deal with being the lesser of two evils.

In the brief tape played on Al-Jazeera television, the terrorist leader urged militants to "beware of division ... The Muslim world is waiting for you to gather under one banner."

One religion uniting? Never happen. It can't. Religion is a form of division. There will be only one banner in Iraq and that will be the Iraqi flag, of course, that's not for another century or two.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Sunday Sign of Hope October 21st 2007

Youngest governor for Louisiana

From Guardian:

Louisiana elected the son of an Indian immigrant as governor yesterday as the fallout from Hurricane Katrina continued to dominate the state. Bobby Jindal, 36, becomes the youngest state governor in the US and the first non-white governor of Louisiana since the 1870s.

The Republican replaces Kathleen Blanco, who was criticised for her performance during the 2005 hurricane and its aftermath. Ms Blanco, a Democrat, did not run for re-election, leaving Mr Jindal as the most high-profile of 12 candidates. "My mom and dad came to this country in pursuit of the American dream ... They found [it] to be alive and well right here in Louisiana," he said at his victory party.

Mr Jindal's father, Amar Jindal, left the Punjab 40 years ago and settled in Baton Rouge. The new governor-elect was born Piyush Jindal but, according to the family, when he was four asked his parents if he could be called Bobby, after a character on the Brady Bunch TV show.

Mr Jindal based his campaign on a pledge to root out corruption. His victory highlights the changes in the state since hurricanes Katrina and Rita. While Democrats make up half of the 2.8m registered voters, their numbers have dropped by 57,000 since the hurricanes struck.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

J.K. Rowling Outs Hogwarts Character

How is this news? We are talking about a fictional character you know. I know there must be some people out there reading the Harry Potter books as though they were biographies but ignoring those very dizzy individuals for a second and looking at the heart of the matter here is that we are talking about a creator saying one of her creations is homosexual. Big fucking deal. I created this blog. This blog is addicted to gambling and heroin.

Harry Potter fans, the rumors are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay. J.K. Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character Friday night while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall.

Albus Dumbledore isn't gay. He isn't straight either. He isn't real. He's pretend. Doesn't exist. This is stupid.

After reading briefly from the final book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," she took questions from audience members.

Alright, who's the fucking nerdy faggot who asked if a wizard was a buttpirate?

She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love."

"No, but he has multiple causal sexual experiences in truck stop restrooms. Next question."

"Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.

And a wizard with magical powers. They're books. Although this would explain why Dumbledore's wand was longer and thicker than everyone elses.

She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards. "Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down."

I've never read the Harry Potter books. Mainly because I live in the real world but I won't knock those who read them, I'm sure they are very good novels. I do, however, believe that Rowlings is stretching her cute little novels into realms they were never meant to go. We're not talking about War and Peace, Of Mice and Men, Moby Dick or The Fall of the House of Usher here.

Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy."

What is this fucking Shakespear? Great tragedy?

Potter readers on fan sites and elsewhere on the Internet have speculated on the sexuality of Dumbledore, noting that he has no close relationship with women and a mysterious, troubled past. And explicit scenes with Dumbledore already have appeared in fan fiction.

People who converse about the sexual orientation of fictional characters on the internet should be forced to have their reproduction abilities removed. And anyone writing explicit homosexual fan fiction about a pretend wizard should be shot without question. I just don't understand why anyone needed to know what a fictional characters sexual preference is. Anyone sleeping better knowing that Dumbledore takes it up the pooper?

Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," she spotted a reference in the script to a girl who once was of interest to Dumbledore. A note was duly passed to director David Yates, revealing the truth about her character.

Rowlings, if no one picked up on the fact this character was gay, you didn't write it in well enough. Stop pretending things are there when they aren't just for publicities sake. You have enough money. Go away.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Seattle Woman Claims David Copperfield Raped Her

"And for my next trick I'm going to make your feeling of self-worth disappear."

A Seattle woman has made a rape claim against magician David Copperfield, law enforcement sources tell FOX News.

No jail can hold David Copperfield. He made the Statue of Liberty disappear. He can levitate. He somehow got Claudia Schiffer to sleep with him. That's magic.

The woman told Seattle police the magician raped her while she was in the Bahamas, sources said.

Pretty shitty place to get raped at. One minute it's a paradise and the next, it's a deep, dark, dank pit of despair and horror. Kind of like college.

Because the alleged incident happened abroad and the woman did not report it until she returned to the United States, Seattle authorities turned over the case to the FBI.

David Copperfields next trick will be to make David Copperfield disappear.

On Thursday, FBI officials raided a Las Vegas warehouse used by Copperfield. Seattle FBI agent Robbie Burroughs said Thursday the case was related to one in Washington.

I wish I knew magic. I would make the world disappear. Poof. Peace and quiet. Thank you ladies and gentlemen...oh...I'm all alone. Finally.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Dozens Die In Bhutto Assassination Bid

They welcomed her home to Pakistan with open arms and open chests and open skulls and just really what you would expect from radical Islam.

More than 100 people have been killed during an assassination attempt on the former Pakistan Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto in Karachi.

If you didn't know Benazir Bhutto is a woman. That should pretty much explain everything.

Two bombs went off in a procession welcoming her back to the country after eight years in exile. Her bullet-proof bus had just passed when the blasts happened.

I want a bullet-proof bus. That sounds pretty bad ass.

She was unhurt and has been taken to her house in the city but at least 115 people were killed and around 150 others wounded.

Isn't it funny how Islamic militants have no problem with killing hundreds of thier fellow Muslims to further their cause of Islamic domination. At this rate by the time Islam becomes world dominate there will be about twelve Muslims left.

An initial small explosion was followed by a huge blast just feet from the vehicle. At least one of them was thought to be a suicide bombing.

And you missed your target. Congrats assholes. You'd think at this point moderate Muslims would be out for blood. With all the yelling and screaming radical Islamists do about how Israel and the US and the West in general kill innocent Muslims with their foreign policies, I can't help but wonder how long it will take the Middle East population to realize who is really killing innocent Muslims.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Swearing at work boosts team spirt, morale

"I hate this fucking place!"

Regular swearing at work can help boost team spirit among staff, allowing them to express better their feelings as well as develop social relationships, according to a study by researchers.

"Sir, I just wanted to say, with all due respect, you're a fucking asshole. You and your god damn company is slowly sucking the fucking life out of me and if I have to spend one more cocksucking minute looking at your motherfucking face I'm going to kill my co-workers. Wow...I do feel better."

Yehuda Baruch, a professor of management at the University of East Anglia, and graduate Stuart Jenkins studied the use of profanity in the workplace and assessed its implications for managers.

You know what always makes me feel better? Slashing my boss's tires. Is that too far? It's probably going to far right?

They assessed that swearing would become more common as traditional taboos are broken down, but the key appeared to be knowing when such language was appropriate and when to turn to blind eye.

In my experience about 96% of people can't tell the difference between those appropriate and not-appropriate moments. This is going to lead to a rash of customer service representatives telling the customers to go fuck themselves.

The pair said swearing in front of senior staff or customers should be seriously discouraged or banned, but in other circumstances it helped foster solidarity among employees and express frustration, stress or other feelings.

I've been doing this for years. This isn't news to me.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Is this Pope John Paul II waving from beyond the grave? Vatican TV director says yes

This fiery figure is being hailed as Pope John Paul II making an appearance beyond the grave.
The image, said by believers to show the Holy Father with his right hand raised in blessing, was spotted during a ceremony in Poland to mark the second anniversary of his death.
Details appeared on the Vatican News Service, a TV station in Rome which specialises in religious news broadcasts.
So the image of the ex-Pope appeared in fire? In flames? You know what the Catholics relate fire and the afterlife to? That's right. And if the Pope is there than there is really very little hope for the rest of us.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Sunday Sign of Hope October 14th 2007

Better Numbers

Curious how the media doesn't splash this across the front pages. I'm not a fan of the Iraqi war as my regular readers will know but I have to question the media's position on this. Remember people, if you view this as bad news that means you want to war to go badly for America for your own selfish political reasons. That makes you evil. EVIL!!!


NEWS COVERAGE and debate about Iraq during the past couple of weeks have centered on the alleged abuses of private security firms like Blackwater USA. Getting such firms into a legal regime is vital, as we've said. But meanwhile, some seemingly important facts about the main subject of discussion last month -- whether there has been a decrease in violence in Iraq -- have gotten relatively little attention. A congressional study and several news stories in September questioned reports by the U.S. military that casualties were down. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.), challenging the testimony of Gen. David H. Petraeus, asserted that "civilian deaths have risen" during this year's surge of American forces.

A month later, there isn't much room for such debate, at least about the latest figures. In September, Iraqi civilian deaths were down 52 percent from August and 77 percent from September 2006, according to the Web site The Iraqi Health Ministry and the Associated Press reported similar results. U.S. soldiers killed in action numbered 43 -- down 43 percent from August and 64 percent from May, which had the highest monthly figure so far this year. The American combat death total was the lowest since July 2006 and was one of the five lowest monthly counts since the insurgency in Iraq took off in April 2004.

During the first 12 days of October the death rates of Iraqis and Americans fell still further. So far during the Muslim month of Ramadan, which began Sept. 13 and ends this weekend, 36 U.S. soldiers have been reported as killed in hostile actions. That is remarkable given that the surge has deployed more American troops in more dangerous places and that in the past al-Qaeda has staged major offensives during Ramadan. Last year, at least 97 American troops died in combat during Ramadan. Al-Qaeda tried to step up attacks this year, U.S. commanders say -- so far, with stunningly little success.

The trend could change quickly and tragically, of course. Casualties have dropped in the past for a few weeks only to spike again. There are, however, plausible reasons for a decrease in violence. Sunni tribes in Anbar province that once fueled the insurgency have switched sides and declared war on al-Qaeda. The radical Shiite leader Moqtada al-Sadr ordered a cease-fire last month by his Mahdi Army. Lt. Gen. Raymond T. Odierno, the top day-to-day commander in Iraq, says al-Qaeda's sanctuaries have been reduced 60 to 70 percent by the surge.

This doesn't necessarily mean the war is being won. U.S. military commanders have said that no reduction in violence will be sustainable unless Iraqis reach political solutions -- and there has been little progress on that front. Nevertheless, it's looking more and more as though those in and outside of Congress who last month were assailing Gen. Petraeus's credibility and insisting that there was no letup in Iraq's bloodshed were -- to put it simply -- wrong.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Vatican bars gay priest for "anonymous" TV confession

After all, why would the Vatican approve of confession?

The Vatican has suspended a senior priest in the Holy See who acknowledged homosexual relations in a supposedly anonymous television interview, but was identified by superiors from background shots of his office.

Guess we should update that whole "black-dotted face" idea huh.

In a major embarrassment for the Roman Catholic Church's hierarchy, Vatican spokesman Father Federico Lombardi said on Saturday the monsignor, whose name was not released, was suspended from duty pending an internal investigation.

I'm not sure how they plan on investigating homosexual relations but if they're going to use rubber gloves I forsee more suspensions.

Local media identified him as a senior figure in a Vatican department which oversees matters relating to priesthood and said he also made regular appearances on Vatican television.

Hypocrits everywhere.

The Catholic Church does not consider homosexual tendencies sinful in themselves but condemns homosexual acts and teaches that priests should adhere to their vow of celibacy.

What the fuck are homosexual tendencies? Is that like touching a penis every once in a while?

The priest appeared on a TV documentary with three other clerics, all with their faces and voices distorted to protect their identities, to talk about their homosexuality.

Except they did the interviews in their office with their nameplates right behind them on their desks.

He told "La 7" TV he "did not feel in sin" for being gay but preferred anonymity "to avoid being reprimanded by my superiors, given the current firm position of Catholic doctrine regarding priestly celibacy and homosexuality".

Guess you should have kept your mouth shut. See what happens when you confess?

Friday, October 12, 2007

School sends home obesity notices with students, parent upset

Dear Parent:

We are sending this letter home with your child in order to inform you that he/she is a fatty fat fatty. When he/she gets her school photo done it will have to be an aerial view. He/she is so fat that he/she walked by the teacher at the chalkboard and the rest of the class missed the lesson. We are concerned your child is breaking several dozen zoning laws. We suggest you sop feeding your child like you are raising livestock and if not, possibly this summer he/she can make a few extra dollars selling shade. Thank you.

In an effort to combat the problem of childhood obesity, the Denver Public School District is sending home student health reports to keep parents informed. However, one parent says it should not have been sent home in her daughter's backpack because she read it.

Do fat people really not know they are fat? Is it a secret to them? Look I'd rather have my child's feelings hurt by a letter sent home with good lintention than have to suffer years of taunts and teases from the other children at school.

"The part that upset her the most as she started reading it, there it stated that she was overweight and she started to cry saying, 'Mom, that school tells me I'm fat.' So, it was very heart wrenching," said Flaurette Martinez.

It's not just the school kid. If you're overweight it's not like having diabetes or cancer which can't been seen physically. Everyone knows you're fat. It may be in bad taste to point it out but fat kids are going to grow up to be fat adults and guess what, people are going to point it out here and there during that transition. Maybe it's better that the kids feelings get hurt early enough to start paying attention to their weight before they get older and it becomes a serious health problem. I'd trade a few days of embarassment over years of health problems anyday.

Her daughter Isabel was sent home from the Centennial K-8 School on Monday with the health notice. It listed her height, weight and body mass index – a measure of body fat. Underneath the listing it had a marking next to the status "overweight."

Can't hide the truth. If that letter never came home, your kid would still be overweight.

"My daughter is big boned," said Martinez.

Ladies and gentlemen, denial. This is exactly why your daughter is a fatty. It's more your fault than hers.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Researcher: Humans will wed robots

I believe it. Robots don't make you want to smother them with a pillow.

The University of Maastricht in the Netherlands is awarding a doctorate to a researcher who wrote a paper on marriages between humans and robots.

Think about it, watching porn on the internet is technically an intimate relationship between you and your PC. Get over your commitment issues and take that relationship to the next step.

David Levy, a British artificial intelligence researcher at the college, wrote in his thesis, "Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners," that trends in robotics and shifting attitudes on marriage are likely to result in sophisticated robots that will eventually be seen as suitable marriage partners.

Can I pre-order a sexbot yet?

Levy's conclusion was based on about 450 publications in the fields of psychology, sexology, sociology, robotics, materials science, artificial intelligence, gender studies and computer-human interaction.

I bought my computer a new promise-memory stick.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Kiefer Sutherland to Do Jail Time on DUI Charge

Quite a twist here for Jack Bauer.

Kiefer Sutherland pleaded no contest Tuesday in his drunken driving case and will begin serving a 48-day jail sentence while his Fox TV drama "24" begins its winter production break in December.

Should have given him 24 days and made it somewhat poetic.

The show's star agreed to serve 30 days for driving with a blood- alcohol level above the legal limit of .08 percent, as well as 18 days for violating his probation for a 2004 drunken driving case, according to court records.

Agreed? I didn't know you had a say in your sentence. How come so many people choose to do 3 to 5 years?

The actor was not in the courtroom and his attorney, Blair Berk, entered the plea agreement. A second misdemeanor charge, driving under the influence, was dropped. The charges stemmed from a traffic stop in Los Angeles last month.

How could we expect Mr. Sutherland to show up at court? He's busy saving the world and only as 24 hours to do it.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Students in Iran Protest President

See, it's like I said a few weeks ago, anyone who is fairly educated can tell this guy is not only ignorant but dangerously ignorant. What's the difference? Power.

For the second time in less than a year, university students in Tehran mounted a protest against a speech by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. More than 100 students clashed with supporters of Mr. Ahmadinejad on Monday at Tehran University, where he was speaking to mark the beginning of the school year.

A friend of mine asked me the other day how come it seemed that the crazy, power-hungry, greedy, ignorant and dangerous always seem to be the ones who get into positions of great leadership. I told him that those were the only kind of people that would want that kind of position in the first place.

Mr. Ahmadinejad angered students and professors at the university after his election in 2005 when he appointed a cleric as the university’s president. Many liberal professors and students have been dismissed since then, and activists have come under increasing pressure.

No room for free thinking here in college.

“Death to the dictator,” and “Free jailed students,” shouted the protesters, referring to three student activists who have been jailed since May, said witnesses who asked not to be identified out of fear of repercussions.

Finally, a "Death to..." statement I can get behind.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Sunday Sign of Hope October 7th 2007

Thousands in Hong Kong rally for full democracy

Take note here Middle East, this is how you get heard.

From Reuters:

Thousands of people in Hong Kong took part in a democracy march and a world-record breaking attempt using umbrellas, calling for a faster pace of democratic reforms and direct elections in 2012.

Gathered in a large park, around 5,000 people hoisted yellow umbrellas to form a massive yellow "2012" which is the date the pro-democracy camp wants direct elections to be realized.

"Fighting for democracy means you have to fight for democracy. Democracy is not going to fall from the sky," said legislator Ronny Tong, a chief organizer of Sunday's "Umbrella" rally, which he hopes will gain an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Hong Kong's mini-constitution promises direct elections as the "ultimate aim" but is vague on a timetable, giving Beijing's leaders scope to dictate the pace of progress. In 2004, Beijing ruled out direct elections in the city until at least 2012.

Numerous public opinion polls have shown a majority of Hong Kong people would like to see direct elections in 2012, the earliest available window.

Sunday's activities are seen by some as a last symbolic push by the pro-democracy camp, before a watershed public consultation on constitutional reform ends on Wednesday.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Rival Shiite leaders bury the hatchet in peace deal

Three words you never think you'll see together. Shiite, peace and hatchet.

Two rival Shiite leaders signed an agreement Saturday to end months of rancor and fighting between the two powerful movements they command, a representative of one of the men said.

While this may seem like good news I have my doubts over exactly how much "reign" these leaders have over their fighters. While it's nice to see one human being talk to another human being and have the outcome be a declaration of peace it's the bloodthirsty footsoldiers that never seem to get the message that deters me from smiling.

Muqtada al-Sadr, the populist Shiite cleric, and Abdul Aziz al-Hakim, the head of the Supreme Islamic Council of Iraq, forged the agreement in the spirit of the current Muslim holy month of Ramadan, said SICI spokesman Haytham al-Husseini. Gestures of forgiveness and mercy are often made during Ramadan.

After Ramadan though they'll go back to beating the shit out of each other.

The deal has three main points: stopping the fighting between Iraqis, urging print and electronic media to engender a spirit of friendship and forgiveness, and establishing commissions in each of Iraq's 18 provinces to oversee the peace initiative.

Violent act breaking the peace agreement in 3,2...

Friday, October 05, 2007

Sperm donor, 72, to father his own grandchild

Please, please let the recipient be the daughter-in-law. I mean, sure, that's fucked up in itself but it would be less fucked up than the alternative.

A man of 72 is to donate sperm to try to father his own 'grandchild'. He has been cleared to provide the sperm to his daughter-in-law to allow her to become a mother.

I actually sighed a breath of relief. That's really, really sad when you think about it. Oh, and it would be his son, not his grandson, technically, so cut the bullshit and call it what it is.

Any baby born will be its grandfather's genetic child and a halfbrother or half-sister to the man it takes to be its father.

And will forever need extensive counciling.

The case - believed to be the first of its kind in the UK - raises ethical questions about how well the child will cope with such unusual family circumstances.

In about 20 years the child will be in jail. That's how the coping will go.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Woman told to remove bra by federal courthouse security

"Thank you ma'am, now I have to check to make sure your thong is within the correct parameters. What's that mean? Umm...just please take you pants off and dance for me."

A Bonners Ferry, Idaho woman wants the U.S. Marshal's Service to apologize and change its security procedures after workers told her she could not enter a federal courthouse while wearing an underwire bra.

Also not allowed in Idaho courthouses? Turtleneck shirts, long skirts, pants-suits or any type of jeans other than hip-huggers. Also, make-up and cleavage showing no less than 40 percent of the breast is required.

Lori Plato says she went to the U.S. District Courthouse in Coeur d'Alene last month for a civil matter when guards told her she must remove her metal underwire bra before going through the security metal detectors.

"Slowly ma'am, do it slowly."

But she says the guards wouldn't even let her go into a courthouse bathroom to remove the undergarment.

"Now smile for the camera, yes, show me sexy, throw your hair back. Now show me shy. Beautiful!"

Instead, they told her to change in her car -- parked on a busy street -- or find a nearby restaurant bathroom.

"Next time ma'am maybe you should let those twins loose."

She says her husband shielded her with a coat while she removed the bra, and -- feeling humiliated -- placed it on the x-ray machine.

"Ah, C-cups. Nice."

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Anger Rises Over Rumors Of School Nixing Halloween

Halloween is the only US holiday that is truly FOR children. You go out, play dress up, and get candy. Removing it from schools is like removing vacation time from adults at work.

Parents in Oak Lawn sounded off Tuesday night about what they see as an assault on traditional American celebrations. At issue is whether Halloween and Christmas celebrations are insensitive to school children who are Muslim.

Let's see if suicide bombings are insensitive to non-Muslims. How about calls for decapitations? Women wearing a veil is impolite and insensitive to my feelings because I want to know if she is sticking her tongue out at me under that thing. By not teaching children of other cultures, other religions and having them be exposed to other holidays, traditions and ideas is in turn teaching intolerance. Teaching a child it's okay to complain about other peoples customs instead of tolerating someone else's celebration is only telling those children that religion and nationality are to be kept secret and in turn may be something that shouldn't be celebrated openly. Halloween is a US tradition, a US custom. You're in the US. Get some candy.

Almost a month before Halloween, some Oak Lawn homes are already decorated with pumpkins, ghosts and goblins. But rumors that Ridgefield School District 122 may soon ban in-school Halloween and Christmas have infuriated many parents and area residents.

I for one believe religion should be taught in school. I'm not a religious person. In fact, I'm the exact opposite. I find religion laughable. I consider myself an agnostic, cause I can't be sure of anything I can't see. Now keep in mind that there is a BIG difference between teaching religion and PRACTICING religion. If we teach our children all religions and beliefs not only does that open them to making their own decisions about which God they may chose to believe in but also have an understanding of others' beliefs. It's something to think about. Knowledge is power. I for one want to absorb as much knowledge as possible because then, if I'm talking to a Christian, or a Muslim, or a Jew, I have a base to refer to in the conversation. Banning this knowlegde from being taught, or celebrated is the equivilant of putting your fingers in your ears and humming. Just because it's hidden, doesn't mean it's not there. You're depriving your kids of knowledge and that makes them stupid. But then again, knowledge is the enemy of religion. They count on blind faith.

Elizabeth Zahdan is at the center of the storm, a Muslim mother of three who requested that her children be separated from others at lunch during the Ramadan fast.

Don't trust them not to eat do you?

"I don’t ever remember one of us asking for our child to be separated from classmates during Ash Wednesday when they were fasting, or on every Friday of Lent when our children are not allowed to eat meat," said parent Cathy Hughes.

And religion divides us again.

But Zahdan insists she never wanted traditional celebrations removed from schools, she only wanted Ramadan recognized and included. "We should educate our children about all the holidays, equally," she said. "And not to favor one holiday over another."

I agree fully. But the schools won't do this. Why? Cause of lawyers. It all comes back to fucking lawyers.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Leaders of North, South Korea Meet

One of those chance encounters at the local bakery?

North Korean leader Kim Jong Il welcomed South Korea's president to Pyongyang displaying scant enthusiasm Tuesday while orchestrated crowds cheered the start of the second-ever summit between the divided Koreas since World War II.

I'd be excited about this if meeting between world leaders ever lead to anything positive.

The greeting was a stark contrast to the first North-South summit in 2000, when Kim greeted then-South Korean President Kim Dae-jung with smiles and clasped both his hands tightly in an emotional moment that softened the North Korean strongman's image to South Koreans and the world.

Sure he's a brutal mad man but he has such a nice handshake.

This time, Kim appeared reserved and unemotional, walking slowly and occasionally clapping lightly to encourage the crowd of thousands at the outdoor welcome ceremony, who waved red and pink paper flowers.

Sounds kind of gay.

South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun appeared to revel in the moment, waving and smiling broadly before reviewing a goose-stepping North Korean military honor guard wielding rifles with bayonets.

Well, sounds like nothing was accomplished other than a flashy show. Pretty much what you would expect right?

Monday, October 01, 2007

Why read Damnit! Earth?

When people ask me why do ANOTHER news blog I say something along the lines of "Well, I try to make it funny. Unfortunately I don't have the ability to make funny videos or visual jokes asides from a funny caption to a picture that accompanies a news story but watching the real news is so damn depressing, why not read about the news with a funny commentary." I always thought it was a good idea and I get a decent amount of visits to the blog everyday from all over the world. But how the hell am I supposed to compete with the "real" news when they pull shit like this:

Britney Spears Ordered to Give Kids to Kevin Federline

Bout time.

Britney Spears' continuing downward spiral took a devastating turn on Monday when she was ordered to relinquish custody of her children by a judge who had cited a troubling lifestyle fueled by drugs and alcohol.

Am I the only one forseeing a Brintey Spears headline soon involving a motel room, an empty bottle of sleeping pills, a few bottles of alcohol and a failed attempt of CPR?

Superior Court Judge Scott M. Gordon ruled that ex-husband Kevin Federline will take custody of Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, beginning Wednesday "until further order of the court."

While I won't claim to be "in the know" of how fit Britney Spears is as a parent, I'm still glad she's losing her kids. I like it when these bratty, fake pop-kids get a wake-up call. Paris's jail stint, Lohan's collapse into failure and now Britney's failure as a mother. Sure it's wrong of me to take pleasure in others misfortune but damnit, I can't help it, I'm American.

The order stemmed from an unspecified oral motion made by Federline's attorneys and was handled in a closed-door hearing. The judge's order didn't state the reason for the change in custody and all transcripts of the proceedings were ordered sealed.

Why seal the proceedings? I've seen the pictures on the internet. If I saw pictures of my mother partying drunk and high as shit and wearing no underwear and shaving her head and acting the all-around moron, I'd want to go live with daddy too.

Spears also was previously ordered to meet weekly with a "parenting coach" who was to observe and report back to the court about her parenting skills.

There's a parenting coach? Where do I get one?

Woman died at airport on way to rehab

Guess she should have taken that trip sooner.

A woman who died after being handcuffed and detained at the Phoenix airport was on her way to an alcohol rehabilitation program in Tucson, her family said Monday, accusing police of manhandling her during the ordeal.

What's that smell? Oh, it's a scandal.

Carol Anne Gotbaum, 45, was late for a flight Friday and became angry when a gate crew didn't let her on the plane. Officers handcuffed her behind her back and took her to a holding room, where she kept screaming, authorities said.

Until she died. She was pretty quiet after that.

"She was a loving and devoted mother of three children under the age of nine who was on her way to an alcohol rehabilitation facility to seek treatment," Betsy Gotbaum, the victim's stepmother-in-law, said in a statement.

Loving mother of three going to an alcohol treatment program? I can understand that.

Carol Gotbaum "appears to have been manhandled by the Phoenix Police Department," said Gotbaum, New York City's public advocate. "She cried out for help at the airport, but her pleas appear to have been met by mistreatment."

Everybody screams for help when they're being arrested. No one ever helps. Cause you know, the cops, they're the ones you usually scream for help to. And if they're the ones you need help from, you're fucked.

Police spokesman Sgt. Andy Hill said officers checked on Gotbaum regularly while she was detained. During one of the checks, officers found Gotbaum unconscious with her hands "pressed against her neck area," Hill said.

Strangled herself? Isn't that impossible though.