Saturday, October 20, 2007

J.K. Rowling Outs Hogwarts Character

How is this news? We are talking about a fictional character you know. I know there must be some people out there reading the Harry Potter books as though they were biographies but ignoring those very dizzy individuals for a second and looking at the heart of the matter here is that we are talking about a creator saying one of her creations is homosexual. Big fucking deal. I created this blog. This blog is addicted to gambling and heroin.

Harry Potter fans, the rumors are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay. J.K. Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character Friday night while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall.

Albus Dumbledore isn't gay. He isn't straight either. He isn't real. He's pretend. Doesn't exist. This is stupid.

After reading briefly from the final book, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," she took questions from audience members.

Alright, who's the fucking nerdy faggot who asked if a wizard was a buttpirate?

She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love."

"No, but he has multiple causal sexual experiences in truck stop restrooms. Next question."

"Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.

And a wizard with magical powers. They're books. Although this would explain why Dumbledore's wand was longer and thicker than everyone elses.

She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards. "Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down."

I've never read the Harry Potter books. Mainly because I live in the real world but I won't knock those who read them, I'm sure they are very good novels. I do, however, believe that Rowlings is stretching her cute little novels into realms they were never meant to go. We're not talking about War and Peace, Of Mice and Men, Moby Dick or The Fall of the House of Usher here.

Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy."

What is this fucking Shakespear? Great tragedy?

Potter readers on fan sites and elsewhere on the Internet have speculated on the sexuality of Dumbledore, noting that he has no close relationship with women and a mysterious, troubled past. And explicit scenes with Dumbledore already have appeared in fan fiction.

People who converse about the sexual orientation of fictional characters on the internet should be forced to have their reproduction abilities removed. And anyone writing explicit homosexual fan fiction about a pretend wizard should be shot without question. I just don't understand why anyone needed to know what a fictional characters sexual preference is. Anyone sleeping better knowing that Dumbledore takes it up the pooper?

Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," she spotted a reference in the script to a girl who once was of interest to Dumbledore. A note was duly passed to director David Yates, revealing the truth about her character.

Rowlings, if no one picked up on the fact this character was gay, you didn't write it in well enough. Stop pretending things are there when they aren't just for publicities sake. You have enough money. Go away.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did you say "JAWS" is gay!!!
he was always swimming around with his mouth open

October 22, 2007 1:20 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home