Thursday, August 02, 2007

China says ‘over 99% of exports safe’

Of course that tricky 1% will kill you faster than taking a speeding train to the face.

China on Thursday strongly defended the quality of its exports and said that it would work with the US to improve product safety in the wake of another substantial withdrawal of consumer goods made in China.

I wonder what the exceptable percentage of deaths caused by Chinese imports are. You know there's a number that if exceeded makes the people in charge go, "Whoa, wait, people are going to notice this China."

Mattel is recalling 1.5m toys worldwide, including replicas of popular children’s TV characters such as Elmo, Dora and Big Bird, because they use paint that contains too much lead, the biggest such problem to face the US toymaker in more than a decade.

Maybe that's why the children in this country are so fucking stupid. My daughter asked me the other day if crocidiles could grow to be as big as the earth. I made her soak her head in ice water for an hour in the hopes that the obvious swelling went down. Now I think, maybe she's eating her dolls.

The high-profile toy withdrawal is the latest in a string of problems to face China-made goods in the US, ranging from contaminated pet food that was linked to the death of thousands of cats and dogs to toothpaste laced with industrial chemicals.

Nothing gets those teeth whiter than sulfric acid. Remember to brush after every meal. So, how exactly does industrial chemicals make their way into my Colgate?

In the face of a growing crisis of confidence in Chinese goods, Bo Xilai, commerce minister, said that “over 99 per cent of China’s export products are good and safe”. In comments published on Thursday on the ministry’s website, he added: “We hope that all parties can treat Chinese products objectively, fairly and rationally. Don’t let this damage the normal development of trade.”

"Sure we're killing your beloved pets and children but lets not crazy here people."


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