Thursday, July 26, 2007

Panel Finds Astronauts Flew While Intoxicated

"Watch the moon. Watch the moon!!"

A panel reviewing astronaut health issues in the wake of the Lisa Nowak arrest has found that on at least two occasions astronauts were allowed to fly after flight surgeons and other astronauts warned they were so intoxicated that they posed a flight-safety risk.

"Let's go to the sun!! Wooooooooo!"

The panel, also reported "heavy use of alcohol" by astronauts before launch, within the standard 12-hour "bottle to throttle" rule applied to NASA flight crew members.

Listen, if I'm sitting in a fucking missile about to be shot at ungodly speed out of the earths atmosphere into the vast, unforgiving, freezing void of space and then, assuming the shuttle does explode because of a loose screw or something, I'd have to turn the thing around and re-enter the atmosphere which will expose the missile I'm sitting in to a heat able to melt fucking rock, yeah, I might want a beer or two.

A NASA spokesman declined comment on the findings, which were obtained by Aviation Week & Space Technology. The spokesman said a press conference has tentatively been scheduled for Friday afternoon on the issue. At the direction of Administrator Michael Griffin, NASA Chief Medical Officer Dr. Richard S. Williams set up the panel to review astronaut medical and psychological screening after Nowak was arrested in Orlando, Fla., Feb. 5 on charges of attempted murder and attempted kidnapping for allegedly stalking and threatening a woman who was dating another astronaut. The attempted murder charge was subsequently dropped.

We've come a long way from Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. Seems we have only a handful of brave and noble Americans. But honestly, would anyone not high and drunk out of their minds ever, ever get in one of those things. Think about it. After a few joints and a couple of shots of vodka it'd be easy to convince me to leave the earth. Sober I might have some reservations.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now that's a new place to get drunk.

How High is High

July 27, 2007 1:33 PM  

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