Millionaire Fossett sets off to break flight record

Why is this on the front page of my fucking newspaper? You know what I've learned during my time on this planet? Not much. But one thing I have learned is that it is dangerous to make more money than you need. Why? Because apparently it causes you to risk life and limb to break a world record that no one fucking cares about in the first place. If he breaks his little flight record, no one will remember in two to three weeks. If he crashes into a mountain , they'll make a crappy movie and forget in two to three months. He's better off aiming for the mountain.

Millionaire adventurer Steve Fossett took off in an experimental plane on Wednesday on an 80-hour flight that he hopes will set a nonstop distance record.

Adventurer? All of a sudden he's fucking Indiana Jones? Listen, if you have enough money to build a plane that can fly for 80 hours non-stop you're not an adventurer, you're an asshole. That money could have been spent on better things, like me. Seriously though, globe trekking in an airplane isn't adventurous, it's boring. By hour twenty I'd throw myself out the emergency exit.

The GlobalFlyer aircraft, which has a wingspan as wide as an 11-story building is tall, lifted off around 7:20 a.m. after rolling ponderously down a rented runway used by NASA's space shuttles at the Kennedy Space Center in Florida.

NASA let him use their runway? They won't let normal blue-collared citizens use their bathrooms. I'm going back to sleep, wake me up if Fossett tumbles to the earth like a fucking dart.