Scientists discover way to reverse loss of memory

Finally I'll be able to find my fucking car keys in the morning.

Scientists performing experimental brain surgery on a man aged 50 have stumbled across a mechanism that could unlock how memory works.

I don't like the terms "stumbled" and "brain surgery" in the same sentence.

The accidental breakthrough came during an experiment originally intended to suppress the obese man's appetite, using the increasingly successful technique of deep-brain stimulation.

Just stop going to McDonalds fatty. All this scientific research in order to avoid the hard work it takes to lose weight. You know, there's something to be said about achieving a goal without having brain surgery or stomach surgery or any other form of cutting yourself open.

Electrodes were pushed into the man's brain and stimulated with an electric current.

I can do that at home in my bath tub.

Instead of losing appetite, the patient instead had an intense experience of déjà vu.

"I've had people playing with my brain before."

He recalled, in intricate detail, a scene from 30 years earlier.

"I had just been dumped by my girlfriend and my car broke down so I sat down and ate an entire turkey diner to myself and I...wait a minute..."

More tests showed his ability to learn was dramatically improved when the current was switched on and his brain stimulated.

He also pissed himself and moved a toaster with his mind.