Croc victim’s choice: Get eaten or shot

Since when did crocodiles start packing heat?

A man rescued his colleague from the jaws of a crocodile in northern Australia but accidentally shot the unlucky co-worker in the process, police said Wednesday.

"Stop helping me!"

The two farmhands were collecting wild crocodile eggs on a riverbank Tuesday in Northern Territory when a crocodile snatched one of them, Jason Green, by the arm, the Northern Territory Police said in a statement.

What the fuck are you collecting crocodile eggs for?

"The male colleague shot at the crocodile, causing it to let go of the victim's arm, but a further shot hit the victim in the upper right arm," the statement said.

Why'd he shoot again if the first shot made the crocodile let go? This is what happens when you mix stupidity and boredom.

The two men had been collecting eggs to boost the crocodile population at their farm in the northern city of Darwin. Their employer sent a helicopter that flew Green to a Darwin hospital for surgery.

Oh this couldn't get any better. These morons live in a city called Darwin and they almost got a Darwin award for removing themselves from the gene pool. Here's a helpful tip, you want to boost the crocodile population at your farm you should just...wait, why the fuck do you want to boost the crocodile population at your farm? Someone please take the guns away from these guys, and any sharp objects, and their right to reproduce.

Police Commander Bob Harrison said Green's injuries were not life-threatening. "He's going to be very sick and sorry and have a very good story to tell," Harrison told Australian Broadcasting Corp. radio.

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the time that I was really, really stupid?"

Police could provide no information about the crocodile's condition.

However, it was discovered that crocodiles are capable of laughter.