Saturday, January 26, 2008

Defunct Spy Satellite Falling From Orbit

Should I get out of the way or what?

A large U.S. spy satellite has lost power and propulsion and could hit the Earth in late February or March, government officials said Saturday.

Maybe we'll get lucky and it'll land on Bin Laden.

The satellite, which no longer be controlled, could contain hazardous materials, and it is unknown where on the planet it might come down, they said. The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret.

Could contain hazardous materials? Why don't you just ask the people who built it whether or not they put any hazardous materials in it?

"Appropriate government agencies are monitoring the situation," said Gordon Johndroe, a spokesman for the National Security Council.

So if you get a call from NASA saying "Get the fuck out of the house!" you should consider it.

"Numerous satellites over the years have come out of orbit and fallen harmlessly. We are looking at potential options to mitigate any possible damage this satellite may cause."

It'll probably hit a trailer somewhere in Kansas. It always does.

He would not comment on whether it is possible for the satellite to be perhaps shot down by a missile. He said it would be inappropriate to discuss any specifics at this time.

Sure, let's shoot at it. That way, when we miss, the satellite will crash into the suburbs somewhere in Texas and the missile will sail off into Europe. Good idea.

A senior government official said that lawmakers and other nations are being kept apprised of the situation.

Well, what goes up must come down. Shame it's coming down like a eight-ton fucking dart. Good luck everybody.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, can't you just see this baby falling on somebodies car or pool

January 28, 2008 12:56 PM  

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