Oscars 2006

Oscars were on TV last night. People way richer than me won awards I would never be elligible for while they wore suits and dresses that cost more than my entire existence. Hmm...wonder why people don't watch?
You should get an award for watching that bullshit.

In case you care, here's the big winners, meaning the winners of the categories that people might actually give a shit about and not Best Hairdo or Best Call for Lunch or whatever:

Best Supporting Actor - George Clooney in "Syriana" (I din't see it but I say Batman and Robin and just for that performance Mr. Clooney should have to give the Oscar back)

Best Supporting Actress - Rachel Weisz in "The Constant Gardner" (I didn't see this movie either. Hey, gardening is fucking boring, especially when performed constantly)

Best Actor - Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Capote" (I don't know who Hoffman is and I don't know who Capote was either. Best thing this movie has going for it is that it rhymes with Peyote)

Best Actress - Reese Witherspoon in "Walk The Line" (I'll admit, I saw this movie. I like Johnny Cash and when a movie came out about his life I thought I'd check it out. If I knew it would have been involved in the Oscars I would have stayed home I swear)

Best Director - Ang Lee for " Brokeback Mountain" (I don't want to see gay cowboys. I don't want to see cowboys. Leave me alone)

Best Movie - Crash (Okay, didn't see that either. So I saw one movie of the six named here. There's an older movie named Crash that has to do with car crashes and sex or something like that so that's all I think about when I hear about a movie named Crash. Sex in a car)