Killer kites end Pakistan's game of death

What?

It is one of Pakistan's great parties — a joyous spring festival in the southern city of Lahore where people crowd on to rooftops under a riotous sky filled with fluttering kites.

Radical Islam, suicide bombings, pro-Taliban militants in the border region, car-bombings and kite flying. One of these things is not like the other. See if you can figure it out without help from your parents.

But this year the age-old celebration of Basant has been cancelled amid worries about killer kites, knife-sharp strings and ominous threats to prosecute teenage "terrorists".

Damn killer kites and sharp strings. Listen, if you're killed by a kite, it was just your time to go. Really.

The Punjab authorities announced the kite-flying ban, in effect ending this weekend's festival, after seven recent kite-related deaths.

Seven? This leads me to believe that you all are flying the kites wrong.

Most victims had their throats cut by sharpened kite strings coated with ground glass or metal filings.

Who knew kites were so fucking dangerous? They sneak up behind you and SLASH, you're a goner. What the fuck are you people doing over there? I've seen thousands of people flying kites in my lifetime and never once did they need emergency assistance let alone a blood transfusion and pressure placed on the neck wound.
And why are you coating kite strings with ground glass and metal filings? What possible reason could you fucking have for turning a kite into a fatal flying guillotine?

Kite flying is a popular passion across south Asia.

Cute.

To gain the upper hand enthusiasts have spurned cotton strings for glass-coated versions, often strengthened with chemicals. The upgraded strings can be as sharp as a knife. Every year the Pakistani press carries gruesome accounts of deaths caused by kite flying.

Guys guys guys, can't you do anything without hurting someone. For the love of God, the upper hand in kite flying? Is becoming the #1 kite flier in the Middle East worth decpaitating the bystanders? Wait...don't answer that. Just put the kites down.