Gore Implores Congress to Save Planet

You're barking up the wrong tree there Gore. Try the Justice League of America.

Al Gore, who has reversed his political fortunes to become a potential contender in the 2008 presidential race, made an emotional return to Congress Wednesday in an appeal for an even more dramatic rescue - saving the planet.

How many times do I have to tell you people this? The planet is not in danger. Humanity is. And, honestly, after reading the news on a daily basis for over a year, we're better off without ourselves.

Gore - who is one of voters' top choices for the Democratic presidential nomination even though he says he's not running - implored lawmakers to adopt a list of policy prescriptions to stop global warming.

So everyone wants to vote for the guy who's not running. No wonder the Democrats have trouble getting power.

"The planet has a fever," Gore said.

For the flavor of a pringle.

"If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don't say, 'Well, I read a science fiction novel that told me it's not a problem.' If the crib's on fire, you don't speculate that the baby is flame retardant. You take action."

I beg to differ. It is possible that the baby has a teleknetic power to start fires. It's possible I tell you.