Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Gore Implores Congress to Save Planet

You're barking up the wrong tree there Gore. Try the Justice League of America.

Al Gore, who has reversed his political fortunes to become a potential contender in the 2008 presidential race, made an emotional return to Congress Wednesday in an appeal for an even more dramatic rescue - saving the planet.

How many times do I have to tell you people this? The planet is not in danger. Humanity is. And, honestly, after reading the news on a daily basis for over a year, we're better off without ourselves.

Gore - who is one of voters' top choices for the Democratic presidential nomination even though he says he's not running - implored lawmakers to adopt a list of policy prescriptions to stop global warming.

So everyone wants to vote for the guy who's not running. No wonder the Democrats have trouble getting power.

"The planet has a fever," Gore said.

For the flavor of a pringle.

"If your baby has a fever, you go to the doctor. If the doctor says you need to intervene here, you don't say, 'Well, I read a science fiction novel that told me it's not a problem.' If the crib's on fire, you don't speculate that the baby is flame retardant. You take action."

I beg to differ. It is possible that the baby has a teleknetic power to start fires. It's possible I tell you.


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