NSA wiretaps ruled illegal

This story is leading the headlines in the stories-that-will-never-really-effect-you-if-you-don't-talk-about-illegal-shit-over-the-phone section of your local paper. Cool, now the government will never know what toppings I like on my pizza. The first part of my plan is now complete.

A federal judge in Detroit on Thursday struck down the National Security Agency's domestic surveillance program, calling it unconstitutional and an illegal abuse of presidential power.

Since when was ANYONE in Detroit qualified to make decisions for anyone, let alone the entire country. I thought Detroit burnt down years ago.

The ruling marked the first court rejection of the controversial monitoring program and amounted to a rebuke of the Bush administration's tactics in the war on terrorism.

Yeah, well, the only reason that happened is because everyone in Detroit is fucking crooked. Listen, for all those who live outside the US, there are two cities in the US that are just criminal safe-havens. One is Detroit and the other got blown off the map by a hurricane last year. At last the one that is now a lake was fun and festive and culture-y. Detroit smells like shit. That's the best thing going for it.

For all my Detroit-living fans, your city smells. You're probably are used to it. You should move.