Charmed woman marries cobra in India

Oh no, no, no, no.

A woman who fell in love with a snake has reportedly married the reptile at a traditional Hindu wedding celebrated by 2,000 guests in India's Orissa state.

At the reception they had cake, chicken, a vegetarian platter and live mice.

Bimbala Das wore a silk saree for the ceremony Wednesday at Atala village near the Orissa state capital Bhubaneswar.

I don't care what she wore. I want to know what the fuck is wrong with her.

Priests chanted mantras to seal the union, but the snake failed to come out of a nearby ant hill where it lives, the Press Trust of India said.

Even snakes know better than to marry crazy chicks.

A brass replica snake stood in for the hesitant groom.

It's people like this that need to go away. I'm not condoning killing them. I just want them to go the fuck away. NOW!

"Though snakes cannot speak nor understand, we communicate in a peculiar way," Das, 30, told the agency.

"I tell him how much he means to me and how happy he's made me and he injects lethal doses of venom into my forearm. It was love at first bite." (corny but necessary)

"Whenever I put milk near the ant hill where the cobra lives, it always comes out to drink."

I know what you're all thinking. Does she sleep with the snake. I hope so. I really, really hope she tries that.

"Bimbala was ill," her mother, Dyuti Bhoi told local OTV channel. "We had no money to treat her. Then she started offering milk to the snake ... she was cured. That made her fall in love."

Yeah, guess what. She's still ill. A little bit.

Earlier this year, a tribal girl was married off to a dog on the outskirts of Bhubaneswar.

I want my mommy. I want to go beddy bye now.
And how bad must the bachelor prospects be that the women are marrying reptiles and dogs?