Bush Says 'State of Our Union Is Strong'

Okay, here it is, State of the Union coverage. Bush was on for fifty minutes last night, twelve of those minutes he spent talking, the other were pauses for standing oviations as if Bush was a little retarded kid that was winning a spelling bee. So, lets get some quotes from last nights blah blah blah fest.

Today our nation lost a beloved, graceful, courageous woman who called America to its founding ideals and carried on a noble dream. Tonight we are comforted by the hope of a glad reunion with the husband who was taken so long ago, and we are grateful for the good life of Coretta Scott King.

Okay, now that the blacks are happy... Open with a bow to the African-American community, get that out the way, and now, onto the bad news.

In a system of two parties, two chambers, and two elected branches, there will always be differences and debate. But even tough debates can be conducted in a civil tone, and our differences cannot be allowed to harden into anger.

Agreed. Unfortunately, I doubt you mean this. I doubt this will change. Democrats and Republicans have turned into GI Joe and Cobra. Personally I think you both suck.

In this decisive year, you and I will make choices that determine both the future and the character of our country.

And by you and I, I really mean just I.

Far from being a hopeless dream, the advance of freedom is the great story of our time. In 1945, there were about two dozen lonely democracies in the world.

Lonely little democracies with no one to play with. And now look, everyone wants to kill us.

No one can deny the success of freedom, but some men rage and fight against it.

Like the NSA. Oh...you're talking about Al-Qaeda and the like...sorry.

America rejects the false comfort of isolationism.

Isolationism isn't a word. Come on Bush, you made that up.

The great people of Egypt have voted in a multi-party presidential election -- and now their government should open paths of peaceful opposition that will reduce the appeal of radicalism. The Palestinian people have voted in elections. And now the leaders of Hamas must recognize Israel, disarm, reject terrorism, and work for lasting peace.

And when that happens I'll eat my shoes.

Tonight, let me speak directly to the citizens of Iran: America respects you, and we respect your country. We respect your right to choose your own future and win your own freedom. And our nation hopes one day to be the closest of friends with a free and democratic Iran.

This is really just a pre-emptive apology for all the innocent people going to be killed when the bombing starts isn't it?

Keeping America competitive requires affordable energy. And here we have a serious problem: America is addicted to oil, which is often imported from unstable parts of the world.

We're not addicted, we can stop whenever we want to. Come on, just one more gallon Bush, one more gallon. I'll pay you back for it. I just...I NEED IT! Give it to me!

Yet many Americans, especially parents, still have deep concerns about the direction of our culture, and the health of our most basic institutions. They're concerned about unethical conduct by public officials, and discouraged by activist courts that try to redefine marriage. They worry about children in our society who need direction and love, and about fellow citizens still displaced by natural disaster, and about suffering caused by treatable diseases.

Yeah but the majority of us really, really don't give a shit. I'm more concerned about burning my popcorn before the new episode of Lost comes on.

As we look at these challenges, we must never give in to the belief that America is in decline, or that our culture is doomed to unravel.

America is a culture of change. Keep that in mind please.

A hopeful society gives special attention to children who lack direction and love. Through the Helping America's Youth Initiative, we are encouraging caring adults to get involved in the life of a child -- and this good work is being led by our First Lady, Laura Bush.

First off, I give my kid plenty of direction and love. I'm not concerning myself with anybody else child because, honestly, children are little stupid people and the only way I get by dealing with mine is because she lives in my house and I'd rather have a nice home life than a chaotic one. As for other people's kids, yeah, don't care.
And I didn't Laura Bush was OUR first lady. Does that mean I can sleep with her if I want? I don't want to, but it's cool if the options there.

Before history is written down in books, it is written in courage.

History is written by the winners. Losers have to sell the books.

And so we move forward -- optimistic about our country, faithful to its cause, and confident of the victories to come.
May God bless America.

Yay America! Now back to the show you'd rather be watching...