Tattooed mummy discovered in Peru

Let me guess...I heart mother?

A tattooed mummy has been found in Peru which archaeologists say is one of the best-ever relics of a civilisation that ended more than 1,300 years ago.

Why do we study cultures from over ten centuries ago? Cause they're a hell of a lot more interesting than we are. They cut out peoples hearts to please God. We just blow things up to his liking. We're so watered-down.

The mummy, herself 1,500 years old, is of a woman in her late 20s believed to be an elite member of the Moche tribe.
Is she hot? Or...was she hot is a better question.

The skeleton of an adolescent girl offered in sacrifice was found with a rope still around its neck.

See, fucking interesting.

The presence of fine items such as gold jewellery indicates the woman was an important person, anthropologist John Verano of Tulane University in the US said.

And she's still important. That's staying power right there.

But the presence of war clubs surprised the archaeological team.

Foolish archaeological team...so easily surprised. I would be surprised if she had a calendar from last year. Now that'd be freaky. Otherwise, if I cared any less about someone who died over 1,000 years ago I'd be in a coma.