Crazy Cat Terrorizes Connecticut Town

So that's where all retarded people retire.

Residents of the neighborhood of Sunset Circle say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis. Lewis for his part has been uniquely cited, personally issued a restraining order by the town's animal control officer.

You gave a restraining order to a cat. You know, if the rest of the people in America helped, I bet we could shove Connecticut into the Atlantic Ocean and hopefully it could float to Europe and they can deal with these people.

"He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw," Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. "They are formidable weapons."

Great, he's a mutant.

The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.

So the cat has catlike stealth. Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes. Since Lewis the cat has a name it means that someone owns Lewis. Maybe someone should have a talk with the asshole who bought the mutant-toed freak.

Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.

I take that sentence to mean that restraining orders have been issued to cats elsewhere. Jesus...

In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home.

Shouldn't there be a asteroid smashing against us sometime soon. Come on asteroid. Come and get us please.