Tuesday, December 04, 2007

'Dead' canoeist John Darwin remembers nothing since 2000

I guess it's hard to remember things that happen after you die.

The mysterious canoeist, who disappeared without trace for five years, cannot remember the years that lead up to him vanishing his sons claimed today.

The human mind is a mysterious and fascinating thing. The ability to completely wipe out all memory of bad incidents to keep one remaining sane has always peaked my curiousity, since, for some odd reason, I remember each and every horrible fucking thing that has ever happened to me. Is there a switch I'm missing or something?

The story of John Darwin, 57, has been the subject of dozens of theories and rumours since it emerged that he had walked into a London police station on Saturday to declare: “I think I’m a missing person”.

"Well, not really anymore. Here you are. You found yourself. Well done."

Much of the speculation was based on the disputed events between 2000 and the canoe trip that was thought to have cost him his life two years later. His family now claim that he cannot recall anything from that period.

I call this zombie-denial. Destroy his brain, just to be safe.

Mr Darwin went missing after paddling out to sea off the coast Seaton Carew, near Hartlepool, in March 2002. The wreckage of his canoe was found outside the mouth of the Tees.

I don't know those areas so I'm not all that sure if that's far or not. I'm sticking with my zombie theory.

An extensive search operation was mounted along the coastline from Hartlepool to Staithes, North Yorkshire, but no sign of Mr Darwin was ever discovered.

Well, not NEVER.

A member of the emergency services who took part in the 14-hour search for Mr Darwin said last night that sea conditions had been as “smooth as a millpond”.

Funny how your perception alters from the safety of a boat.

Mr Darwin’s wife, Anne, sold the couple’s house and moved to Panama, in South America, just six weeks ago.

Changed the locks too. Bitch.

Today his sons released the first statement from the immediate family since his re-appearance.

"We're happy to have our father back, even if he does have a gaping wound to his chest and seems to crave human flesh."

Anthony and Mark Darwin said: “The news of John’s appearance came as a huge shock to the whole family. “We are extremely happy that he is alive and we are looking forward to spending time with him. Anne has been informed of the good news and is delighted to hear it.

"Great news, take care of him. Got myself an African husband now."

“We have spoken with John and he appears to be in good health, however he currently has no memory of events since June 2000.”

It'll all come back, probably while he's taking a bath.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boy! wouldn't everyone like to go away and become a missing person...go away from your job for 5 years and come back and then claim yourself missing and ask for your job back

December 05, 2007 1:43 PM  
Blogger f.b.i.t.c. said...

And now look how it all panned out - no recollection my arse.

No recollection of moving back in with his wife after a year, no recollection of hiding whenever the kids came around.

Even his Auntie - on the day he walked into a police station - said "I don't believe he's lost his memory, I don't even think he even got wet".

Damning i'd say.

December 10, 2007 4:50 AM  

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