Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Desperate police admit strangler is out of control

So, how many people do you have to strangle in order to be considered out of control?

There are growing concerns tonight that British police are drawing a blank in the hunt for the Suffolk Strangler.

It's kind of cute that we give serial killers scary little names isn't it? It's like a pet, but a pet that might strangle you in an empty parking lot after a late night at the office.

Officers from the Suffolk force - one of the smallest in the country - have been "overwhelmed" by the discovery of five bodies in 10 days.

When one hears of a new serial killer at work in a small area one almost instinctively assumes it's in the US. Not this time though. Seems there's a busy little beaver with woman issues across the pond this time. Although, I'll admit, between Jack the Ripper and now the Suffolk Strangler, you Brits had a pretty peaceful run going.

One source said: "Even a larger force would have a problem resourcing at this stage. It is six weeks since the first prostitute went missing - and police admit it is a race against time before the killer strikes again."

Prostitution is like the kiddy pool for serial killers.

Detective Chief Superintendent Stewart Gull, who is leading the manhunt, went on television to say the serial killer is "out of control". He has murdered five women in six weeks, an unprecedented rate in British criminal history.

Seriously there Suffolk Strangler, you may be losing your grip of reality. You need to slow down and take it easy. The prostitutes aren't going anywhere. At this rate you're going to burn yourself out. Take a week off. Stop to smell the roses before you dump the body.

Some of the prostitutes in Ipswich's red-light area have given police names of their customers and detectives are trying to compile a complete list.

I bet that list is fucking HUGE.

The key to finding him may be held by the small number of prostitutes in Ipswich's red-light district.

Yea I bet small number. Getting smaller as we speak.

The victims are likely to have known their killer. The numbers of sex workers in the area is said to be about 40, but the hardcore is about 15 - five of whom are now dead.

Those are pretty shitty odds in making it through the night. Perhaps you women of the night might want to consider a new line of work. Perhaps something that doesn't involve dark places with strangers.

1 Comments:

Blogger f.b.i.t.c. said...

Gotta love the name 'Sex Workers'!

Why not try 'Cock Technicians' or similar.

Look, they're smack headed hookers and I for one won't be mourning their passing.

Now where's the next bitch I was going for . . . . . . . . . .

December 14, 2006 8:27 AM  

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