Sharp objects okay to fly with

But don't even THINK of running with them.

In a decision sure to make some shake in their hellishly uncomfortable seats, Airline passengers soon will be allowed to carry small scissors and some sharp tools onto planes, but there will be a trade-off: the prospect of more-thorough pat-downs and other extra security checks before they get to the gate.
You know what that means...um...I guess it means longer lines. Seems a fair trade off. No one will hijack the plane and slam it into a national landmark but you may have to wait in a longer line. Oh, I can hear the complaints already.
But honestly, what is the point of having scissors on a plane? What needs cutting that badly that it can't wait for the airport bathroom or a quiet, secluded spot somewhere in the parking lot where no one can hear the flight attendant screaming?

We all know terrorists love to fuck with the airlines. So, lets make it harder for them to do so. More screens, less lethal weapons allowed on board. And strippers. There should be strippers. Muslims hate naked women.