Teen Reported Abducted by Boyfriend after Parents Slain
What better way to tell a girl you love her than to murder both of her parents and force her out of her home at gunpoint? I can’t think of any.
Police said David G. Ludwig, 18, shot and killed his 14-year-old girlfriend Kara Beth Borden's parents after they and their daughter argued about her curfew.
There is so much wrong with the above sentence I don’t know where to begin. My head is spinning as I try to find some sort of rational frame of thought in all the wonderful choices the people involved in this story made. Firstly, when an eighteen-year old decides to date a girl who only got the word ‘teen’ at the end of her age one year ago it might be one of those signals that he may be a few quarters short of a dollar if you know what I mean. I, for one, cannot bring myself to explain to a girl what a blowjob is while she is playing with Barbie’s Dream House.
Secondly, parents laying down the law to a fourteen-year old is not a shooting offense. I mean the girl is still hovering in ‘spanking territory’ and I’m not talking about the good type of spanking that involves a paddle and a woman wearing a nun’s habit and nothing else but a leather G-String and ballerina slippers. Shooting a mother and father for giving their daughter a curfew is just as crazy as dating a girl who still wants to grow up to be a princess.
Thirdly, if you’re going to live out your television-provoked Bonnie and Clyde fantasy please at least spare me the imagery of “a romantic mood set by dimming the Lite-Brite”. And you can save the whole this-world-doesn’t-understand-our-love rebellion. You can explain all of that to your cellmate as he introduces you to a new type of forbidden love once you get caught.
So the question now is, was little Kara Borden kidnapped by crazy David Ludwig or did she go willingly because he promised her an ice cream cone? Personally, I don’t care. In a day or two they’ll be caught in a roadside dinner or at Action Fun Land or whatever. Kara Borden will testify against Mr. Ludwig and everyone will forget about this until Kara poses nude at eighteen because she’s shown such mature decision making skills already.
Police said David G. Ludwig, 18, shot and killed his 14-year-old girlfriend Kara Beth Borden's parents after they and their daughter argued about her curfew.
There is so much wrong with the above sentence I don’t know where to begin. My head is spinning as I try to find some sort of rational frame of thought in all the wonderful choices the people involved in this story made. Firstly, when an eighteen-year old decides to date a girl who only got the word ‘teen’ at the end of her age one year ago it might be one of those signals that he may be a few quarters short of a dollar if you know what I mean. I, for one, cannot bring myself to explain to a girl what a blowjob is while she is playing with Barbie’s Dream House.
Secondly, parents laying down the law to a fourteen-year old is not a shooting offense. I mean the girl is still hovering in ‘spanking territory’ and I’m not talking about the good type of spanking that involves a paddle and a woman wearing a nun’s habit and nothing else but a leather G-String and ballerina slippers. Shooting a mother and father for giving their daughter a curfew is just as crazy as dating a girl who still wants to grow up to be a princess.
Thirdly, if you’re going to live out your television-provoked Bonnie and Clyde fantasy please at least spare me the imagery of “a romantic mood set by dimming the Lite-Brite”. And you can save the whole this-world-doesn’t-understand-our-love rebellion. You can explain all of that to your cellmate as he introduces you to a new type of forbidden love once you get caught.
So the question now is, was little Kara Borden kidnapped by crazy David Ludwig or did she go willingly because he promised her an ice cream cone? Personally, I don’t care. In a day or two they’ll be caught in a roadside dinner or at Action Fun Land or whatever. Kara Borden will testify against Mr. Ludwig and everyone will forget about this until Kara poses nude at eighteen because she’s shown such mature decision making skills already.
posted by A Mad Man at 8:12 AM
1 Comments:
This is fuckin hilarious.
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