Sunday, December 31, 2006

Sunday Sign of Hope December 31st 2006

Last Post of the Year

While it's been anything but a Happy "News" Year (sorry, thought that up in the car coming back from the liquor store and thought it was oh so clever, had to use it) it's been one hell of a year for Damnit! Earth and your old pal Mad Man. Let us take a look back at 2006 and remember the few good times and, oh man, the pile of bad that almost broke our backs shall we?

We started 2006 off here in the US with a story of a group of miners trapped in a mine. The riveting story glued us all to our TVs and internet news sources and all of us celebrated when we heard the news that they were alive. Their families were given the great news until that is, it was retracted. All but one of the 12 miners were dead. We watched and read as the families were given the "update". Yes, the US media sure started our year off with a bang. Bastards.

That same month the Israeli people lost Ariel Sharon. While Palestine promised a barrage of rocket attacks to celebrate nature's way of depopulation, the barrage never came. Sharon remained in a coma for, man, I don't even know if he's dead yet. That story kind of just...stopped. It seems he's still in a coma. Makes me a little jealous. Wish I had slept through this year. Israel eventually went with Ehud Olmert as the new Prime Minister.

We dealt with madmen this year. Ahmadinejad and his nuclear plans, Kim Jong Il and his nuclear plans and his nuclear underground test that never really worked. Both men watched as sanctions were imposed on their countries. Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez was also crazy, but in a funny sort of way.

We're still hunting for Osama bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri plus the leader of the Taliban, the one-eyed Mullah Omar, who is probably that dude in the Pakistani tribal belt walking in a circle. I would throw Bush into this group but hey, to qualify as a mad man you have to have diabolical schemes. The only scheme Bush seems to have is to make it through the day without making an ass of himself. Never works either.

Hamas won heavily in Palestinian elections. This led to a steady downfall of the region, resulting in the kidnapping of an Israeli soldier by Palestinian militants. Shortly after, Hezbollah tried the same tactic and was presented with a bombardment and military action by Israel into Lebanon, the outcome of which never really accomplished anything at all. It was a short destructive war which is better than a long, drawn out one.

The Muslim world didn't shut the fuck up this year. First with the fucking cartoons then the Pope's statement and the veil ruling in France and countless other things kept these wonderfully explosive people on the streets more often than hookers. The protesting sign companies reported record profits this year. Really popular was anything that mentioned Islam and beheadings.

We all got to witness the first face transplant this year. Then we spent the rest of the year trying to get the image out of our heads.

The US Vice President shot someone in the face this year. There was a slight scandal about it but not as big as the other scandals this year. How about former-Conresswoman Cynthia McKinney punching a cop at the US capital. That was fun. She eventually lost her re-election bid. Or Rep. Patrick Kennedy, who went into rehab right after crashing his car while being stoned on pain meds. I would have went to prison for that. Bush cursed during the G8 summit while conversing with Tony Blair. But it's cool cause they're friends. And don't get me started on Rep. Mark Foley and his naughty little e-mails.

A big scare over bird flu killed a bunch of birds but few people. The media is steadily looking for the next big scare tactic.

The military took over Thailand in a coup without any violence. Kudos for you.

Iraq edged closer and closer to civil war. Sectarian violence rampaged. Still does. The US closed Abu Gharib prison, handing it over to the Iraqi's. It took all but a week for the inmates to scream for the Americans to return, ending that whole "picture scandal" of abuse. We all learned about the different levels of abuse. You can take someones clothes off and scare them with a dog. That's abuse on, let's say the third or fourth level. Then again, you could beat them severely and kill them. That's more on the second level. First level? Paris Hilton released a music album this year.
Kidnapped reporter Jill Carroll was released by Iraqi insurgents in March after 82 days of being held hostage.

This was not a good year for the ex-ninth planet of the solar system Pluto. It was removed from the solar system and stripped of it's planet statis. Rumor has it that Pluto was behaving inappropriatly at some local bars.

We discovered the Gospel of Judas this year but no one really paid attention because it contradicted the Bible and damned if we could have that.

June 6th 2006 or 06/06/06 or 666 came and went without the destruction of the world by a vile beast.

Some big steps were taken this year in the war on terror. Al-qaeda in Iraq leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed in a US airstrike in Iraq. Al-Qaeda big wig Mustafa Setmarian Nasar was captured. A major terror plot involving blowing up British airliners over US cities was interupted but British police which sort of made up for the one terror raid they conducted on a few innocent men, shooting one in the shoulder. Taliban military commander Mullah Aktar Mohammad Osani had his life interupted by a missile. Chechen rebel leader Shamil Basayev was killed as well. Al-qaeda leader Omar al-Farouq escaped from an Afghanistan prison and hid in Iraq only to be killed by British troops.

We saw women vote for the first time in Kuwaiti elections.

And although there was a bombing in Mumbai, there was no major terror attack on western civilizations. There's a cause to smile.

Celebrities continued to make asses of themselves. Mel Gibson hates jews, Michael Richards hates black people and Madonna loves African children. And who could forget CNN achor women Kyra Phillip broadcasting live from the ladies restroom? And of course, Tom Cruise is still completely insane. Only now he has a biological child.

A man claimed to have been responsible for the murder of JonBenet Ramsey but he was only kidding.

We lost some people this year. Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was found dead in his cell. Of course Saddam Hussein was just recently executed in Iraq. Soul master James Brown. Former US Pres. Gerald Ford. And let's not forget the countless troops in Iraq and Afghanistan who laid their lives down this year.

Yes this year was full of surprises, some good, most bad. But we have made it through to see tomorrow, and tomorrow is 2007. Enjoy the rest of this year and next year, lets try to tone down the insanity. Happy New Year all and be good to one another.


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